I'm pretty sure I have lived two lives.
No, this is NOT a post about reincarnation, don't worry!
I am barely over the big 4-0 and yet I am quite sure I have lived two totally separate lives.
In my "first life", I had a husband, two beautiful children (one boy and one girl), a big house, a new car, plenty of debt and quite the impressive exterior. I knew Jesus. I really did. There is no doubt about that. But I shopped a lot. On credit.
I homeschooled and never missed a field trip. I was a leader in our large homeschool support group and church circle. I thought I knew more than I really did. I liked to argue doctrine with those who were charismatic, non-reformed, liberal or just off base altogether. I wanted to serve God and at times I did. But that service was limited to what I felt I could control. My husband and I were orchestrating the American dream, a safe comfortable life with a predictable rhythm in which the biggest irritations were things like the dog vomiting on the carpet or running out of coffee. They felt so big. Then.
In life number two, things are so different I hardly recognize the first "me". Yes, I still have the same husband but now we have six children. We live in a small house, our cars are older and there is no debt anymore. I don't know nearly as much as I used to about matters of doctrine and I don't care to argue them anymore anyway. I am no longer in favor of the death penalty and I understand that Jesus did not appoint me to single-handedly change the doctrinal stances of fellow Believers. I know about the poor now. I know they are real and they aren't poor because they are lazy. Not all of them. I know that I was created for so much more than living life #1. I have learned that there is nothing that matters, that has eternal value, apart from investing in other people. I found out that people in need don't want to hear the gospel on an empty stomach, fatherless, in physical pain and that God has equipped my family to help remedy some of these circumstances for just a few people. A few is good. I am learning to be content and to count my blessings. I have almost completely stopped looking at what other people have and wishing it belonged to me. I just want God to use my short little life, that has taken such a long time to resemble Him even a little, and make it count for His kingdom.
Please know I do not believe I have "arrived" or culminated in some swath of Christ Likeness that makes me better than another Believer. I haven't and I'm not. But I am so desperately in love with life #2 that I can not fathom how I tolerated life #1 for as long as I did. I love that Jesus opened my eyes to the poor. I love that He put a longing in my heart to break out of the old life and step onto the balance beam that #2 is proving to be. I adore the husband He has given me who is leading the charge to be "RADICAL" for the sake of the lost and the poor.
I love that our family is open to selling everything we can't fit into a suitcase and returning to the country of our hearts.
I stand amazed that the opportunity to do just that is before us.
The Lord will have to move mountains but He has moved them right before my eyes, just as an act of love and faith building.
We stand on the precipice of life #3. A life on the mission field. A new start right smack in the middle of our lives. With kids. All of them. We stick together. I need each one of them. They need us, too.
I don't want to be cryptic any longer but I have said all that is allowed until a few more details mesh together.
I covet your prayers. They sustain us now just like they did through four adoptions, our journey with reactive attachment disorder and all the other refining tools the Lord has used to whittle us down. And He is still whittling. We have come so far and yet have so far to go.
If you are willing to hang with us, I believe this blog is going to take a very distinct turn.... To the East....Asia-ish...
We are humbled. Again.