I am sitting alone in a dark house at 4:25am Philippine time.
The remnants of Typhoon Yolanda are blowing outside and that wind is something to hear!
Our windows are all closed and latched and yet the curtains are fluttering. If I did not know we were in a typhoon, I would just assume we lived by the train tracks.
This storm is not just "fresh in my mind". It's still here.
But I was given a glimpse at a peace I have scarcely known, as this storm howled.
Like most of you, my faith has never truly had to carry me through threat of physical harm.
Sure, I don't like flying so I FEEL like I'm in harm's way every time I board an aircraft. I have to pray and rest in the sovereignty of God, but that has more to do with my own deep-seated fears than any probability of harm, real or imagined.
This storm has been real. There is possibility of harm coming to me or, worse, my precious family.
But there is peace . . .
As I sat on my bed with two of my children and listened to the ruckus outside my window, my conscious mind thought "this is scary stuff" but the deep heart in me felt cradled and altogether peaceful.
I pondered that paradox while it was taking place and thought . . .
THIS IS THAT PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING!!!!!!
And it was. It is.
It is a familiar sense that I can only recall having a few times in my life.
It came when I began to go into labor with my children. Each time.
Engulfing fear swallowed by "I feel wrapped in a warm blanket".
It came while I sat by my precious son's hospital bed, watching him struggle to breathe and seeing the treatments fail to open his airways.
Sheer terror with an underlying "God has got this."
It is more than just ignorance of the threat. It goes beyond feeling bulletproof.
There really IS a peace that defies understanding. It is an illogical peace that, given the circumstances, should not be there.
It is where my humanity gives way to His sovereignty and it is a blissful place.
And although He does not "owe" me anything and need not "perform" to reassure me, this kind of peace removes any doubt that He is the real deal.
The genuine article.
The ONLY wise God. The one in whom I can always put my trust.
The lyrics of an old k-love song say it best:
"Sometimes He calms the storm, and other times He calms His child" . . .
I don't even remember the rest of the song.