"If We Are The Body . . ."

The title of this blog post is taken from a Christian song by the same name, written by Mark Hall for Casting Crowns sometime around 2002.   You may remember the chorus, that says something along the lines of . . .

AND IF WE ARE THE BODY, 

WHY AREN'T HIS ARMS REACHING?

WHY AREN'T HIS HANDS HEALING?

WHY AREN'T HIS WORDS TEACHING?

I heard it for the first time "back in the day" and,  frankly, was annoyed by it.  I thought it was too cynical. I felt like maybe the writer was talking about his own church, but not MINE.   I felt sad that the people most convicted by it would likely be the ones pouring themselves out for the lost and yet, feeling that they aren't doing enough.

I am now singing this song right along with my youtube Casting Crowns video (with lyrics, of course) and asking if we, all of us, even me, really ARE doing all we can in the body of Christ?  And if we are, why am I staring eyeball to eyeball with SO many orphans every single day?

And on top of that gripping frustration, I have an overwhelming fear. . .

THAT ORPHANS ARE THE NEW 'CAR ALARMS' OF THE CHURCH

What do I mean by that?   Do you remember how, in the "old days", when a car alarm would sound, everyone would look, wonder and react?  Now-a-days, we don't even turn around in a crowded parking lot to see who's car alarm is sounding.

Is the plight of the orphan going the way of the car alarm?   We used to be moved to tears by the faces of the children in orphanages. We used to step out in faith to open our homes to children who we knew might be damaged beyond our parenting skill set.  We did this without enough money, enough room or enough bunk beds . . . but we did it because they were there and we are blessed.  We did this in spite of the fact that our own biological progeny might have to step aside for awhile and get over themselves.   

And some of you still are.  I fear your numbers are shrinking as you are still redeeming, serving, opening . BUT . . .

In walks "orphan care", telling us that adoption is not for everyone and if we just box up our old clothes and shoes and mail them to Haiti or Guatemala or The Philippines, we have fulfilled James 1:27 because we're "looking after orphans".  And we ARE!  We, on the front lines, do not want you to stop participating in orphan care.  Adoption is NOT right for every family.  But I believe it is right for many who are running the other way because it's expensive and messy and so unbelievably risky.

WHY has our beloved adoption agency in the states (www.christianadopt.org) had such a hard time finding families for just 12 children slated to come to the US for summer hosting?   WHY does a beautiful 12 year old boy in my Saturday class not have a long line of families hoping to adopt him? Or even a couple?

Is it because consciences are assuaged by "orphan care"?  How better to "care" for an orphan than to be the ones to remove that stigma and make him a "son" ?  What shows MORE love of humanity than calling her "daughter" who was once rejected?  

Let me assure you of a few things if you decide that God is calling your family to serve orphans in this way:

1. You WILL bite off more than you can chew

2. You WILL question your decision a thousand times after your child comes home

3. Your life WILL get exponentially harder when you bring a once-abandoned child into a loving home

4. Your biological children WILL suffer in some ways - but grow and flourish in others

5. You WILL want to find the blog writer who pushed you over the edge toward adoption and have a few words with her (ha ha)

6. You MIGHT have to make decisions about whether keeping your new child is worth it. And you will be unlikely to ever face such dark, painful choices in life again

7. You MIGHT struggle to encourage others to adopt because it's so darn hard, but you'll look at your child and realize adoption is a good thing.  And you'll still encourage others

8. You MIGHT find that blessings come in unexpected ways and your own walk with Christ EXPLODES with "realness" as you walk the path of an adoptive parent.

9. You MIGHT lean on your spouse more than you ever have before, and strengthen that marriage in new ways

10. You MIGHT understand concepts like selflessness, going above and beyond, faking it until you make it, putting your own needs way down the priority list and "growing" into love rather than having it thrust upon you.

But never forget, that He who has called you is faithful.  He is oh, so faithful, friends!  He pays for what He orders, He gives us our daily bread, He makes us more than we thought we could be for the sake of His great name and His own glory.  Some of these things, I am sure I never would have known up close if it had not been for our adoptions - both the smooth ones and especially the bumpy ones. 

I know that, personally, I have so far to go in knowing Him and in fulfilling the responsibility He has given us toward orphans. 

So far,  I have barely stepped foot onto the path. 

How about YOU?  Are you called and running?  Are you certain you are among those for whom adoption is not the right path? Do you even know what His word says about Believers and Orphans?  There's a free adoption Bible study at the web site of Home For Good Foundation (www.hfgf.org) that might set your feet toward whatever God has for you.   No matter where He leads, my prayer is that your are always moved to reach out.  That orphans are NOT the car alarm in your church and in your life.

They are real, living, breathing children who long to be claimed.  They wait, growing a little older each day and understanding a little more fully their plights.

Consider it, my friends.  Ponder it.  Seek and Ask.  Be intentional.

Most of all, do not fear . . . 

 

 

 

Mercy is Spoken Here

Let me get one thing straight.

I NEVER intended for this blog to become a "RAD blog".   I had no plans to be the author of one of the most widely-circulated
adoption disruption stories on the internet.  www.bringinghomezeke.blogspot.com/2011/02/adoption-disruption-down-and-dirty.html


This is NOT the type of notoriety an adoptive mother longs for when bringing a beautiful new child into her family.


I simply shared my son's agonizing story and it resonated with more than 50,000 readers.  I poured out my heart in that post for catharsis but primarily because I had turned over every stone online and in the professional world of adoption-focused literature looking for help in the painful choice of whether or not to disrupt this child's entire world for a for a fourth time and all I found was ridicule and
criticism.

I read articles regarding disruption and the comments under the articles scared the confidence right out of me.
". . . treating a child like a pet . . . "
" . . . what if he were biological? You can't give him back them . . . "
" . . . should never have been allowed to adopt in the first place . . . "
" . . . should have ALL her children taken away . . . "
" . . . should be put in prison for abandonment . . . "

And I knew some of YOU must have been in that same desperate place hoping to find some kinship after that Reactive Attachment Disorder diagnosis darkened your world.

No warm, safe place existed for a family struggling with whether or not to disrupt a failing adoption.  No listening ears and sympathetic hearts were available to the mother who simply could not spend one more night sleeping with all her children in her master bedroom except THAT ONE and the door locked for fear that he might come in and harm them.   No gentle encouragement for the couple who's marriage is in tatters because THAT CHILD has triangulated them in the worst way possible and they blame one another all the way to court while the child sits, satisfied, on the sidelines and enjoys the show.  And he is not to blame. He is broken from the inside.

I wanted to be that place.  And after I hit "publish" on that article in February of 2011, I had no idea how my world would change.

You came, meekly at first, asking me if it was okay to email privately about your children.  You broke my heart and drove me to my knees before God with your stories.  I prayed for you.  I wept for you and I wept for your broken children.  You trusted me, a virtual stranger, with sacred parts of your hearts because there was not one other place in your life where it was okay to talk about how you really felt about that child you adopted.   Your in-laws had already said "I told you so" one too many times. Your church friends told you over and over how "lucky" you are and how "cute" he is and you wanted to shout "I CAN'T STAND HIM" and run from the building. . . I get that.

And I want to say "thank you" . . . to every Mama who wrote me a private note and thanked me for the risk of my post.  THANK YOU to every person too afraid to sign an email in which you bore your soul and asked for help.  Jesus knows every intimate detail, Anonymous Mom. . . He cares and He loves your family, even when it doesn't feel like it.
 I took a gamble that talking about "the 'D' word might just fill a niche left open by everyone too afraid to mention it.
"You've never thought of disrupting your adoption? Yeah, me neither  . . .just thought I'd ask . . .crazy question . . . I must be tired"


And if you followed my precious son's story, you already know that our gracious, good, kind Heavenly Father brought healing after six years of brokenness and acting out by our boy.   I would love to promise you that if you can just hang in there for six years, your child will receive healing, too.

But it doesn't work that way.  Some children are healed and some stay broken. In THIS life.

For those of you reading this who have seen great improvement in your children, I am BLESSED to hear those stories, too.
Remember to show mercy to those Mamas who are still in the throes . . .

For those who are still trudging along the painful path of RAD,  waking up in the morning wishing it was bed time already, you have my ear, my heart and my deep gratitude.  You are still walking, even if you feel dragged, you're doing it . . .

For those who have chosen to disrupt and are living with the pain of wondering if that child hates you, remembers you, understands that you did your best . . .for YOU I pray the most often.   The Enemy loves to accuse you, doesn't he?
But our son CAME to us from a Mama just like YOU . . . from a family that wanted so much to help him but became paralyzed by his gigantic needs.   A family that wanted to make the world a better place and give an orphan a home but got swallowed by his pain and anger and needed an escape hatch.  I have to believe someone, somewhere wants to thank you for giving them their miracle.

I thank both of my son's disrupted families here and now.   I know you read this.  Thank you "M" and "E" and  your families.
I pray you have no guilt about the life of this boy.
He is one of my my treasures!
He was worth those six years . . . and then some.
It took a long time to be able to say that with such certainty but I say it now.
He is a prize.   He belongs here, with us. He is ONE OF US.  He is mine . . .
He just took the long road...