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Saturday, January 8, 2011

Crumbs in the Butter (or "Confessions of a Fool")

I am not a person who is given to depression. I am thankful for this fact as I have dear Believing friends who struggle mightily to keep a positive perspective and I have seen first hand how relentlessly feeling "down" can take it's toll on a person and all those around her.  The last few days, though, I have struggled. Combine the post-holiday blues with the fact that our adoption process is slowing down (waiting on an updated psyche evaluation on Francis before we can have his legal documents to file for immigration) and then add in the realization that we still have plenty of work to do for said adoption and, I'm overwhelmed. How do I know I'm overwhelmed? Because yesterday I made banana bread and when I went to serve it, I noticed there were toast crumbs in the butter and I started to cry!!!Does that not rank among the dumbest reasons to cry you've ever heard of??  I am living proof that adoption and pregnancy have an almost identical effect on the human psyche.
Somebody come and study me!!
In any case, today is a bright, new day and I am awash with gratefulness.  In the words of one of my precious facebook friends, I am CHOOSING to be grateful.  I made a mental list of my blessings and have resolved to count them anytime I feel my throat constricting and eyes welling over something as painful as crumb-laden butter!  I thanked my Heavenly Father for who He is, what He has done and all He has given me before my feet hit the floor this morning and what a difference that mindset makes!
I hope that I am not the only person who has "lost it" over minutia. I KNOW I'm not the only person who has discovered that the key to "getting my heart right" is counting my blessings.
We attend a church that relies on contemporary music for worship time and I really do love it but the old hymn of my childhood "Count Your Blessings" has been my song of choice today.  I love the verse that says:

When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed,
when you are discouraged thinking all is lost,
count your many blessings-name them one by one,
and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

I couldn't have said it better myself!  Let's get counting . . .

Still Counting . . .


6 comments:

  1. Is it a little ridiculous that I felt some sense of validation that you have toast crumbs in your butter? :)

    Hang in there. You are doing a great thing by adopting Francis, and your perseverance is an inspiration to many.

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  2. Sometimes it's hard when all that emotional stuff is going on.

    Hey, we watched Ramona and Beezus last night and I cried! I'm with you on the pregnancy and adoption emotions being the same!! :)

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  3. No, you aren't the only one who cries over things like toast crumbs in the butter (don't you hate that??). I cried when I watched Ramona and Beezus last week, Sabrina, so you can't blame it on pregnancy ;)

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  4. You have so many people praying for you and your family! Don't allow Satan a stronghold--discouragement is one of his best weapons. I was right there with you this week---even verbalized to those closest to me that maybe we should divert from the plan God has laid before us because it is too uncertain (in my eyes)
    and too hard. But God's gentle leading brought me back to Him, as he is always faithful and caring. And yes, I also cried watching Ramona and Beezus :)

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  5. See, I thought I was just a sap for crying while watching that movie. I'm glad to know I'm not alone!

    And Nicki, neither are you. While I can't say that I have cried over crumbs in butter, I've cried and "pitched fits" over some pretty petty stuff! :)

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  6. I hum that song very often when I need to remind myself of my blessings too! I wish I could remember the last 'silly' thing that made me cry but it's late and I'm not thinking clearly...but it HAS happened so you're not alone!

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