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Saturday, May 12, 2012

I Want More!

I want more children. I don't think it's a secret.

I have six. And they are marvelous. Beautiful. Exceptional human beings for whom my public adoration has probably caused some measure of embarrassment. I don't care and I can't help myself.

But I want more children.

I pray that if my big kids are reading this, they don't for a moment think they are not enough. They are more than enough. Too much. I am ecstatic with my love for them and they are the reason I want to mother more children. They have made it such a joy and worthwhile challenge. It's all THEIR faults that I want more . . . . ha ha

But God divinely closed the "factory" years ago and chose not to reopen it despite our efforts to surgically accomplish this...
And I believe we are probably done adopting internationally.

So what's a mother to do?
How do I fulfill this God-given longing for more children in light of all that is happening in our family?

I go to my children rather than bringing them to me.

As we pray about and prepare for the mission field, the prospect of mothering countless additional children draws me like a moth to a flame!

The notion that I might just get to wrap my arms around a hurting child, kiss his wounds, tuck him in and cheer for his victories is almost enough to make me start packing now.

But this new opportunity to mother comes with a vicious twist.
These will not be my forever children. Just my "for a little whiles".
And I don't know how to do that yet.
How to pour heart and soul into a child and give him over to a new family.
Or back to an old one.

But I trust that He Who Calls is also He Who Equips and through Him, I can do all things.
That's what Philippians 4:13 says and I trust that word with my very life.

So as we set out to take our "forevers" to meet our "little whiles", it is with humble gratitude I say to my Heavenly Father THANK YOU for putting this crazy mothering fire in me. And thank you that it is not a hope deferred, making the heart sick.

Father, help me to learn to love the "Little Whiles"...
And to learn to give them back when it's time.

3 comments:

  1. My first selfish thought- Oh, how I wish that my son had been a "little while"- how much less would we have to overcome now if he'd been with you....

    May God protect (or hold together/ comfort) your heart as you go out and risk pain and loss to keep others from experiencing it.

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    Replies
    1. Hugs and prayers for your family . . .it is so very difficult, isn't it? So glad HIS mercies are new every morning.

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  2. Wonderful words, Nikki. I think you will be awesome at loving the "little whiles". You have such a tremendous heart for children. You humble me.

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