our work

Saturday, May 12, 2012

I Want More!

I want more children. I don't think it's a secret.

I have six. And they are marvelous. Beautiful. Exceptional human beings for whom my public adoration has probably caused some measure of embarrassment. I don't care and I can't help myself.

But I want more children.

I pray that if my big kids are reading this, they don't for a moment think they are not enough. They are more than enough. Too much. I am ecstatic with my love for them and they are the reason I want to mother more children. They have made it such a joy and worthwhile challenge. It's all THEIR faults that I want more . . . . ha ha

But God divinely closed the "factory" years ago and chose not to reopen it despite our efforts to surgically accomplish this...
And I believe we are probably done adopting internationally.

So what's a mother to do?
How do I fulfill this God-given longing for more children in light of all that is happening in our family?

I go to my children rather than bringing them to me.

As we pray about and prepare for the mission field, the prospect of mothering countless additional children draws me like a moth to a flame!

The notion that I might just get to wrap my arms around a hurting child, kiss his wounds, tuck him in and cheer for his victories is almost enough to make me start packing now.

But this new opportunity to mother comes with a vicious twist.
These will not be my forever children. Just my "for a little whiles".
And I don't know how to do that yet.
How to pour heart and soul into a child and give him over to a new family.
Or back to an old one.

But I trust that He Who Calls is also He Who Equips and through Him, I can do all things.
That's what Philippians 4:13 says and I trust that word with my very life.

So as we set out to take our "forevers" to meet our "little whiles", it is with humble gratitude I say to my Heavenly Father THANK YOU for putting this crazy mothering fire in me. And thank you that it is not a hope deferred, making the heart sick.

Father, help me to learn to love the "Little Whiles"...
And to learn to give them back when it's time.


  1. My first selfish thought- Oh, how I wish that my son had been a "little while"- how much less would we have to overcome now if he'd been with you....

    May God protect (or hold together/ comfort) your heart as you go out and risk pain and loss to keep others from experiencing it.

    1. Hugs and prayers for your family . . .it is so very difficult, isn't it? So glad HIS mercies are new every morning.

  2. Wonderful words, Nikki. I think you will be awesome at loving the "little whiles". You have such a tremendous heart for children. You humble me.