Free Indeed

Finally, after months of praying, talking, anticipating and planning, Our Father has given us some clear direction by way of a layoff.  Tomorrow (Tuesday), my husband is no longer an employee of Oracle, Inc. but is a "free agent".  This was a voluntary layoff in that he was asked quite awhile ago by his manager if he would like to be considered for such in light of his revelation that our family desires to shuck off this life and hit the mission field.

Excitement!

We have six children and some time will lapse between tomorrow and our physical move.

A little nervousness, too!

But God has always provided.  We have NEVER had to miss a meal.  We have never had our electricity turned off or had to use a food pantry.  And many Believers we know personally HAVE gone through these trials.  And we are no better than they. And maybe we, too, will experience these things.  We prefer being the "helper" as opposed to the "helpee" . . . but who doesn't?   And we read in God's word that there is a time and a season for everything.

But we have done all we can to prepare.


Our only debt is our mortgage. And it's small like our house.  Thank you, Dave Ramsey!

We have taken and taught Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University".  There is an emergency fund.
There should be severance although we do not know how much.  We find that out tomorrow.

That's a prayer request.  That the severance is exactly what we need to sustain this family until our move.  Our daily bread . . .

All this to say, we are fine. We are taken care of.  We are BLESSED!  We are filled with anticipation for what the Lord will do next!  We ask for nothing but the prayers of our fellow Believers.

We trust that our Abba, Father has ordered even this for His own glory!

Oh, that His name would be lifted up here, even in this time of transition.   That my faithlessness would not rise to the surface.  . . That everything we endure points to the goodness of our God.

That's all we long for . . . let it be . . .

 

To Mothers of Sons

I have five sons, for now. A sixth awaits us as we prepare our move to The Philippines...maybe even a seventh, eighth or ninth. Only the Lord knows.

 And He knows how much I love my one-and-only daughter. And that I would gladly mother another daughter but it seems that is not my path. I am a mother of many sons.

 It appears that is part of The Calling. Precious only-daughter understands this well. When asked if she would like a sister, she unashamedly replies "not really". You see, she is a sister to many brothers. Settled in that role so well. Playing Call of Duty and unwilling to bring the drama. The perfect sister in this house of men-children.

 I know many adoptive families who actively seek out daughters only. Others actively pursue sons. We have done neither but God has brought our sons to us. Before they are ours, I know them. I see that young man on the "waiting for my family" list and I think "Oh, there you are son. I thought it might be a girl this time but it's not. It's YOU."

 Each time we felt God leading us to scoot over and add a member to our clan, we prayed and poured over the lists of waiting children that come to us from our adoption agency. As much as I wanted a sweet girl-child to grab my heart, these boys kept beating them to the finish line.

 There is something so unique about the mother/son relationship. We are his first "girlfriend" in the most innocent sense, the benchmark of what a woman should be. We tell our boys, just by our actions, if they are doing a good job of becoming men or if they are failing in their fledgling attempts. Be mindful, mothers, of the balance between criticism and encouragement!

 In a society that tells our sons they need to be "in touch with their feminine sides", we can help them appreciate all the God-given masculine tendencies that will serve to make them excellent husbands and fathers.

 God has impressed on me since my first-born son was an infant that I hold much power in determining how this person sees himself.
 I must impress on him the centrality of God's word in every facet of life.
 I must encourage him to learn compassion.
 I must guide him in not giving vent to his anger.
 I must allow him to carry heavy things and open doors for me.
 I must not disrespect and devalue his father at any time.
 I must teach him what his eventual wife will lean on him for and help him to remember to say "I'm sorry".

 And his father holds even greater responsibility in guiding this budding man onto the path that breeds life, health and righteousness.
 Dad must impress on his sons the centrality of God's word in every facet of life.
 He must demonstrate what it means to protect and provide.
He must model quiet strength and a servant's heart.
He must communicate that no matter how difficult marriage can feel, we never give up.
 He must teach practical skills like oil changes, check book balancing, staying out of financial debt and power-tool usage while keeping all appendages.
 He must lead his family in a way that spurs his sons to aspire to the same.


As my sons grow and the notion that I will become the "second best" lady in their lives draws near, I am given to extra consideration for the types of men I will be giving to some dreamy-eyed young woman.

 I am proud of who they are becoming.

 Unfinished in many ways but shaping up to be men I am proud to call my sons.

 A Sacred Trust.

Buckling Up

I hate roller coasters. I am NOT an adrenaline junkie by anyone's definition of the phrase.   I like calm. Boring. Turbulence on an airplane makes me queasy.

But right now, it feels like I am almost at the crest of a huge hill on a roller coaster. The ride is slowing down and the intermittent "click . . .click . . .click" is signaling the impending drop.

 Things have been happening here. Crazy things. We were contacted out of the blue a little over a week ago by an organization that places children with special needs into adoptive families here, in the US.

They asked us to pray about taking a ONE WEEK OLD baby girl with Down Syndrome.

 We said yes.

 The birth family chose a smaller family eventually. And that was fine with us. I was not sad and, truth be told, was maybe even a tad relieved. Because I love sleeping all night. And I knew she was going into a family of Believers, albeit a smaller one than ours.

 Football season has started and my 14-year-old star athlete has practice four days a week and games one day. I love to watch him play! He kicks butt out there but is a gentleman off the field.

 Basketball starts next week for 17-year-old son. He made the varsity try-out-only team and we are so proud of him.


 I came home from a brief visit to my parents' house on Sunday to find my oldest son (who is 18 and enjoying a little additional freedom that accompanies that number) had memorialized us on his body:

I like it. And I LOVE him. And he shared with us that he feels he is being called to full-time missions himself. Not just as a "missionary kid" but for real. For good. Did I mention I love that boy?


 All manner of things are happening with hubby's job, decisions to be made, a house to be either sold or rented - we can't decide which - and more.

Would someone who has dealt with all of these decisions just call me on the phone (after much prayer and fasting) and tell us what to do? I know it doesn't work like that but a girl can dream, can't she?


But there is such peace in the storm. I am in awe of the calmness of spirit my Father has chosen to impart. This is how I know it is HIM because if it weren't, I would be a mess right now . . . more of one.

 And the Lover of my Soul is more real to me in the midst of all the chaos than He has ever been before. I think about Him all the time now. I thank Him for each small kindness for, maybe, the first time ever. I am starting to recognize Him everywhere.

 I feel like a little child again, holding my Dad's hand in a crowded place and knowing if we lose each other, even for a second, it will be very scary so I have to look up every three seconds and make sure it's still him. It is.

 It always will be.

 Isaiah 58:11 The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong, and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail.

Nothing to Be Afraid Of

For many months, I have been alluding to  big changes in our family. I have shared the fact that we plan to move to The Philippines and into orphan ministry but have been deliberately quiet about the details.

Mainly because we wanted to be 100% certain this was HIM and not US.
And because our organization's web site had to be prepared and tweaked before I could share it with anyone.
And because I would NEVER want to put something out there that people may feel led to support financially until I am sure it is what it claims to be, the doctrine behind the organization is square and they are good stewards in every way.

So, it is finally time for me to share the details of the project God is calling us to.

Our name? The Bartimaeus Project  (Mark 10:46-52)
 
Headquarters? Littlestown, Pennsylvania

Our "Job"? Traveling to various orphanages to work with visually-impaired children, evaluate them for possible hosting in the US for free surgery and (hopefully) a chance to find their "forever families".

When Will We Leave?  Lord willing, by March or April 2013

Where Will We Live? In a rental home somewhere around Metro Manila . . .yet to be determined.

Will the Whole Family Go?  Yes, even our high school graduate! We are thrilled!!!!!!!

How do you feel about such a big move?  I'm excited, scared (they have such BIG BUGS, BIG RATS and we will not use air conditioning in our home there -electricity is 3X the cost there as in the US).We have a lot to get used to.  Mostly, I CAN NOT WAIT!!!!! When God calls, the desire to obey Him over rides any fear or hesitation.  The fears are there but they pale in comparison to the chance to walk in the full life that He is offering.

When will you come back?  We don't know. Maybe a year, maybe never.  We are planning to rent out our house and not sell but that is mostly so our children can have the $ someday.

What do you need?
We need prayers most!! We also need many, many Believers to partner with us financially to accomplish this BIG THING. You will feel a part of something wonderful, I promise! And the Lord blesses gifts given in His name to work much for His kingdom.  His economy defies logic sometimes but always leaves me grateful I gave.

Right now, the organization is conducting a "Red Envelope Challenge". Basically, you go the web site, click on "Red Envelope" and pick an envelope (they are numbered 1-500).  Whatever number is on the envelope, that is how much you donate. You can choose #22, #4 or #500 . . . whatever you feel you can do!  Please take the challenge!!!!!

Next, we need families to partner with us monthly to keep us afloat while we are in the field. Even a small monthly donation is effective. Money goes much father in The Philippines and resources like food and medicine can be purchased so inexpensively.  

Finally, we need friends to champion our cause.  Will you spread the word? Will you consider talking about us on Facebook? To your church leadership? In whatever sphere of influence God has given you? 

You can find us at : www.bartimaeusproject.org


Help us help children . . . for the sake of good news of Jesus!

Saying Goodbye

Oldest Son's 16th Birthday (2 years ago)

As we continue to make our preparations for moving to The Philippines, I can feel something strange and a little sad happening.  A shift in my thinking. 

I consider how old and ragged my couch  is looking.  I think "there's no need to replace it. We won't be here . . ."

I consider my daughter and second-oldest son's high school graduations and then catch myself . . . "oh, they'll be in The Philippines then."   And I feel sad and happy . . . the word "sappy" was created just for thoughts like these.

We have been blessed with tremendous friends and family here in the good old US of A . . . and I can't think about the void that will be left in my heart when I have to consider the time difference, the reliability of my internet and the cost when I want to reach out and touch someone.

But even more than my own sad and weird feelings, I am sad for my children.  THEY have made some wonderful friends, too.

Thanksgiving at Our House

Our boys with Two Great Friends at the Beach

Kyky's birthday with his favorite friends

Lunch With Family and Daughter's Close Friend

 Leaving family makes things doubly hard although I know there are airplanes and we will need to see them just as much as they will need us.  Of this, I am certain.

"MY side" at Oldest Son's Graduation Party

Uncle Jr with our sweet Angel Baby 

There is also a giddy thought that keeps my heart full of joy even though we leave so many behind.
It is the off chance, just the possibility, that after so many years of praying for Lemuel's oldest biological brother and writing so many senators( and even the President )to try to bring him to the US  and no one could help because immigration law does not allow for a young man of his age to be adopted, it might just happen in the most unexpected way . . . we will come to him.

And even at almost 22 years old, with many  there who love and care for him already, he has room for eight more people in his life.  Maybe, despite the many he has called "Mom", he would be willing to say that to this white lady who has sent him boxes and skyped with him over the years but never been able to visit in person. 
This young man has never left my heart and always has been in my prayers.   I think of his hard work just to speak some English to his little brother when they skype. And how he sang "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns to us over skype the first time we talked . . . and I felt like a ninny because it made me cry.    And every time it seemed time to end the skype, Ariel would say "Lem, Lem" and I could visibly see him trying to think of something more to talk about so they could have a little more time .

And when I pray for him now,  I refer to him as my "one", thinking of the parable of leaving the 99 sheep for the "one that was lost".  Even though he isn't lost, we know right where he is and who is watching over him, it seems he has been without blood relatives for far too long.  And we have his blood brother right here.  Seems simple enough . . .

As if adding another son to this full and blessed quiver wasn't enough, there's the ministry we get to do. We will have the privilege of going to many different orphanages to do play therapy and screening with visually impaired orphans.  We get the chance to put our hands on these fatherless boys and girls and tell them how precious they are!  We can build relationship with these children and, Lord willing, help them find their families.  Most importantly, we will be able to tell them about their Heavenly Father, who made them and loves them and has a plan for each one of them.

So focusing on Ariel and focusing on the children, I think I can do this "goodbye" thing. 
I know it won't be easy on any of us but I also know that Ephesians tells me I serve a God who does "immeasurably more than we ask or imagine" . . . so much more . . . and if those things I am imagining are THIS great, I look forward to seeing what the "MORE" will look like!

It's not quite time for official goodbyes yet but I feel the shift. The time is drawing near.
I have never had to trust so much in my life.  But our faithful Father is paving the way and
turning our hearts toward The Philippines in new ways.

And we wait . . . and expect . . . and follow . . .

Why Date?

I dated as a teen.  Too much.  With little discretion and often times just to say I had a boyfriend.
This was long before the "in a relationship" facebook status made your friends flip out and you could be locally famous for a little while. . .

Many of my friends, whom I consider to be wonderful parents let their teens "date". It is an individual choice with which every family must assess it's comfort level.

But my teens don't date.  That's our personal conviction and I'll tell you why . . . it's plain and simple, really.  It's not something we can point to one verse in the Bible and say with confidence "see, dating is a sin".  Because it isn't.   But we discourage it for one primary reason . . . .

We don't want our children to give their hearts away, over and over, with scores of "I love yous" to people who are just passing through.  The kind of stirred up emotions you feel for that person you are dating are so intense.  He is "yours" and you are "his".  There's a claim being staked with no long-term commitment.  Even in a dating relationship that stays very pure, the emotions are a freight train and they can carry your heart away . . . again and again as you search for that "just right" person. It only ends up in pain and awkwardness because, let's face it, so few of us have found our "one and only" at 16 years old that technically, it is just practice with some game playing thrown in. 

That's it, in a nutshell.   

There's really no need to "practice being in a relationship" before that one special person comes along.

How much more precious will that best friend turned lifetime partner feel when he/she understands that you waited for them, not just with your sexual purity but with your heart and devotion as well. 

How much more committed will that marriage be when you can honestly say your spouse is the first and only person who captured your heart and gave you all those pit-of-the-stomach, can't-wait-to-see-you feelings?  

I imagine it would be spectacular. But I can only imagine because I was a serial dater from 15 years old until I finally met my sweet husband at age 23.   How I wish I had insisted on friendship only and never said "I love you" to others . . . it muddies the waters.  It just does.

Plenty of opportunities for my older teens to be "in a relationship" have presented themselves. They have had many interested parties over the years.  When my teens tell those suitors they prefer to stay "just friends" (and I have actually had the honor of hearing this said), some stay as friends and others choose to move on.   And it's a great winnowing process for them. 

And those who stay are smart.  Because one of these days, one of those wonderful friendships will turn into "the real thing".  And only the Lord knows which one.

So to those parents who have chosen to allow your teens to date, to be "in a relationship" long before that child or his bf/gf have the money, maturity or desire to make it a marriage, I ask you to consider what the benefits might be?  Does it make your teen feel more "normal"?  Wanted? Is it filling a void that should be filled within the family or by a deeper walk with Christ? Is it just your teen following the herd? 

There should be purpose to the decisions we make.  Even these. 

Again, please see my heart on this issue. Allowing your teen to "date", especially one who is spiritually  grounded, raised to respect others,  and who has the uncommon ability to put others before himself is NOT a sin.   It is a highly personal decision.

We just chose "no". 

If you haven't chosen yet, because your children are young or are simply disinterested in that facet of life at this point, pray through it with seriousness.   It matters . . .

Something for Nothing

This morning in my devotion time, I began reading Matthew 19 starting in verse 16. It's the story that so many of us have heard about the "rich young ruler".  The young man tells Jesus he has kept every commandment and wants to know what else he has to do to go to Heaven.  Jesus tells him to sell all he has and give to the poor.  The young man goes away from Jesus very sad . . . because he is rich.

And his money was a stronghold. An idol. 


And we all have strongholds, don't we?  Things that have to be pried from our clenched fists if we are to live truly radical lives for the sake of the gospel.

This notion weighs heavily on me when I think about FUNDRAISING for an adoption.  We did it. We would do it again.  We had yard sales, plant sales, raffles, restaurants willing to give us a percentage of their earnings on a given day if we get scads of our friends to come and eat there . . . we benefited MIGHTILY from our fund raisers and we would do them again if God called us to adopt another child - we would have to !

We also received unsolicited donations from family and friends in varying amounts. We were often blown away during our adoptions by a knock at the door or a trip to the mailbox that yielded hundreds - once THOUSANDS -of dollars coming into our waiting hands.  Oh, how blessed we have been by the body of Christ!  How lavished in love and doted upon by those we serve with or even those we know casually.  When God moved hearts for our adoption, He used a bulldozer and a crane!

It was so humbling for us.  Just thinking of it makes my eyes brim with tears. People who have bills to pay, children to raise, cars to repair and groceries to buy gave money to our family to bring a child from another land, whom they had never met, into our home.  God stuff!

But we also had to work and sacrifice to bring our angels home.   THIS is where I step onto thin ice and probably a few toes.  

I see hopeful adoptive families posting one fund raising idea after another and most involve raffling off items that were donated to them for free.  I think this can be a GOOD THING, but not always.

Let me ask you, adoptive family, how FAR are you willing to go to bring that precious child home?
Are you willing to . . . .
sell one vehicle and share with your spouse?
take little Johnny and Suzie out of karate, piano or private school for a short time?
eat ramen noodles and stay away from all restaurants for awhile?
make your coffee at home?
sell those purses, extra tools, stereo equipment or electronic gadgets?
cut off your cable or dish and use those pesky rabbit ears for a few months?
take on a babysitting job or deliver pizzas at night?
use the parks and the library for entertainment rather than the movie theater and mall?

How many have turned away from this list sad . . . or angry?  How many are thinking things like "MY kids shouldn't have to sacrifice and suffer for the calling of their parents?" Or "the church needs to step up and care for orphans and widows?" .   I think it.  It's true.

Well isn't that orphan YOUR kid, too? Or he less important than the well-loved, adored, nurtured children that came from your own womb? 

No, he isn't.  He is equal even now.

We say we, as Followers of Christ, want to be radical.  Start now!  Live so simply that you can stand faultless before the Lord during your adoption process and say, as David did when offered a free animal to sacrifice . . .
"I will not offer to the Lord my God that which cost me nothing"  Samuel 24:24

Please, continue to fund raise, online raffle, send support letters to fellow Believers . . . those are all GOOD things and profitable in many ways.

But never discount that God may be calling you to "give it all" ... dig deeper . . . sacrifice more . . .
 turn those pockets inside out for that missing family member.

And I can assure you, Johnny and Susie will be fine.  Their character over their immediate gratification . . . holiness over happiness . . . but sometimes you can have both.

Just watch and see!

And fire up the pot . . . break out the ramen . . . and count it all joy.

SO VERY WORTH IT . . .

We've Come a Long Way, Baby

June 12th marked six years since our much-smaller-then family piled into our old Ford, Windstar and took the two-hour drive to the children's psychiatric hospital.
Six years since we claimed a very scared but awfully cute 8 year old boy as our fourth child.

 It was the consummate case of "blind leading the blind".  Sure, we had adopted once before but never a child with a LABEL,  never a child from not one, but two disrupted placements, never a child that had been in the United States for just under seven months but experienced the pain of three adult lifetimes in that span.

It has been six years since the wave that rolled our boat, but never capsized us completely, hit our safe little nest that I so carefully feathered to keep out all the "bad things".

Six years since I lost the title of "The Most Together Mom You'll Ever Meet"  a title I bestowed on myself and based on my ability to reiterate the wisdom of others but that had never been earned through painful lessons and in-the-trenches parenting.

It has been six years since a child who felt truly unlovable,  and told me so, buckled up in that mini van to give family life one more go.  Because he had no power except the power to rage.  And he put all his effort into flexing that muscle beginning on the second day home.

Six years since the Lover of our Souls said "I have some immense work to do in one little family in North Carolina and this might hurt a bit . . . ."

Six years since I had the first glimpses into what true depression must feel like. And it was terrifying. And I understand now why someone would run . . . not walk . . . to the nearest pharmacy, or ABC Store and do anything it takes to make that feeling go away.   I never knew.

Six years since we stopped blaming bad parenting everytime we saw a kid coming unglued in a public place. We give the benefit of the doubt these days.

  So very long ago that we watched our other children learning painful spiritual lessons and rather than taking great measures to ease the pain, we recognized it for what it was and turned silently to our Father in prayer.

This little family is living proof that our ways are not His ways and our thoughts are not His thoughts. But that His are higher, grander, more far reaching, penetrating, succinct and not to be trifled with.

Six years since we lay between the rails on the train tracks and just cried out to God while the locomotive barreled by, inches from our faces.

We knew we were in the presence of a Great Work.  And as much as we longed to leave the classroom, we dared not.

SIX MONTHS . . . it has been about six months since our Father chose to heal our precious boy!
Six months since we sat up, blinked, looked at things through new eyes and said "that wasn't so bad".

                                            Lem( on the right -blue shirt) visiting biological brother
                                            who was adopted into a different family six years ago.

The Word of the Lord is true and altogether trustworthy.  I know this lesson and it has taken six years to digest it.  The healing of the Lord is complete.  I know this, too. It has taken me six months to believe it.

Psalm 30:5 says "weeping may last for a night but joy comes in the morning". 
Six years made for a long night.  Six months has been a beautiful morning.

Isaiah 61:3 says
To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.

We have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. In sorrow and in joy.  In weeping and laughter, in tearing down and building up.  His peace sustains and his righteous right hand upholds.

Faithful God . . . fulfilling His purposes . . . never leaving nor forsaking.

Never giving us the shortcut to learning but holding our hands in each trial.

Thank you, Father.  You've brought us so far... in just six short years!

The Pat Robertson "Thing"

Much has been made over the recent inflammatory comments made Pat Robertson, founder and president of the 700 Club, regarding international adoption.
If you have somehow been in hypersleep and missed the whole cause of the hubub, you can view it at:



The phrases like "somebody else's problems", "wierd" and "take on the United Nations" were most certainly the most provocative words he used but the sentiment is what really caused my jaw to drop. The notion that orphans are "somebody else's problem" is just simply not Biblical, Mr. Robertson! We are Believers. Orphans are OUR "problem" until Jesus comes back and sets this broken world straight. As far as I can tell, that hasn't happened yet and so, yes, they are our "problem"!

In defense of Mr. Robertson, he did issue a written apology via the 700 Club's web site. I read it yesterday but was unable to locate it today to link it to this blog post. Interesting!

After I watched Mr. Robertson's comments for the first time, I ventured over to my adoption-Mama-heavy list of FB friends and felt sad at their comments. There almost seemed a "let's go get him, Ladies" type of fervor that did not feel very loving, forgiving or Christ like to me. Some Mamas could not let this thing rest and posted copious statuses (or is the plural "statusi" . . . ha ha) reminiscent of beating the proverbial dead horse. I considered unfriending these obsessed chicks but decided against it and did a little digging of my own. Far away from the annals of facebook.

Even more shocking than the initial statements Mr. Robertson made, possibly brought on by early stages of dementia or abhorrent theology - or both- were the connections that kept popping up between Pat Robertson and Charles Taylor, the exiled dictator of Liberia who was recently convicted at the Hague of atrocious war crimes against his own people and those of neighboring countries. Much evidence that Mr. Robertson owns diamond and gold mines in those parts of Africa and used near-slave labor (7 cents a day for wages) to extract natural resources from the countries of Liberia and Sierra Leone has surfaced. The evidence I uncovered was broad, vast and from a number of sources, not just Anti-Christian, Anti-Robertson camps but main stream media and even more conservative sources. Do some homework. You will be unpleasantly surprised.

I know the 700 Club and Operation Blessing have improved the lives of countless impoverished people around the world - more people than I could hope to touch in ten lifetimes, but I can't get past the wondering if it more restitution than service to the poor for the sake of the cross.

Doing for those who can not give back to you one iota except their "thanks" and lending an ear to the gospel seems "pure religion" (James 1:27). Digging wells for people since you're in the neighborhood mining their diamonds and inadvertently putting weapons in the hands of their oppressors, not so much.

Maybe I should have never watched "Cry Freetown" on youtube. (see warning about this video in my previous post). Maybe then it would have been easy to shrug off the connection between Robertson and the diamond mines with an "at least he's bringing jobs to the country".

Yes, fellow Believers, we must forgive Mr. Robertson his callous, thoughtless comments about our hard-won treasures from around the world. He has asked for forgiveness and we are not allowed to withhold it as our Heavenly Father would never withhold forgiveness when we ask.

But to those who support him monthly with donations. To those who sponsor projects through his 700 Club, I beseech you to do your homework and dig deeply.

We will have to give an account for our actions, or lack of action, now that we know.

And let's pray together that the Lord would open the eyes of Mr. Robertson's heart.

While there's life, there's hope!

Called to Care

I have come to the freeing realization that I can not cause anyone to care about anything.
I can use persuasive words, impassioned pleas, heart-wrenching photos - I can even set those photos to touching music in a slide show - but I can not reach into anyone's chest, squeeze his heart, and make him care about the things I care about.

Nor should I.

This seems the most obvious string of sentences on the planet and yet, as we prepare to launch our family onto the mission field, it only just occurred to me. I am freed by such a notion.

It is not my job to endear Believers to our cause. That is solely the work of the Holy Spirit!


YES!!!!

As our web site is having it's final face lift and we prepare to unveil the full scope of our mission in The Philippines, it is with a great burden lifted that the failure or success of our mission does not depend on ME choosing the right configuration of words and photographs, designed to make my friends and total strangers give of their money or come serve along with us, that we move forward.

Just like the rest of this gig, it's NOT ABOUT ME!

I am faced, daily, with photographs on my facebook news feed of beautiful orphans who need families. I am moved by the needs of the poor as their stories come to me through various blogs. I was recently undone by a youtube video called "Cry Freetown" in which a journalist embedded with the RUF captures executions of innocent Sierra Leonians, even children, with his lens (warning:that video is NOT for the faint of heart and certainly not for children - if you view it, do so with this in mind).
The scope of these needs and the suffering around the world can make one little Believer feel completely inadequate.
Which cause to choose? Which is nearest and dearest to our hearts? To His?

It can make us throw up our hands and say "I will never make much of a difference" and bury our heads in the sands of work, shopping, child rearing and entertainment.

And so it goes . . .

But the Lord has called His Church, His beautiful bride to extend her hand to orphans, widows, the poor, the oppressed, the lost and the wounded.

She needs to walk in this calling to be whole. The same way a bird needs to fly or an itch needs to be scratched. The church of Jesus is called to care. Not because God is unable to assuage suffering without us, but because He has prepared "good work" for us to do before He created the world (Eph. 2:10).

Caring for others fulfills our purpose and makes the name of our Savior great.

What Believer doesn't want an abundant life and to know he made a mark for Jesus during this short stint on Earth?

And because I know these things: that the church is called to care, that Believers innately want to make a mark for Christ, that the Holy Spirit prompts us to give and serve, that there are enough "causes" out there for every Believer to join and support, that we are leaning in closely to hear what He has for us to do, I can rest.

I can't make you care enough to support us on the mission field. I don't have the power to draw anyone to pack a suitcase and fly half way around the world to touch a child otherwise rejected.

But Jesus does.

And when He moves you, I pray you will act swiftly - no delays - so you can reap the benefits of walking in obedience.

I pray we do the same.

We are called to care. I am. You are.

And THAT'S really living!

Jealousy

From time to time, people we meet who learn of our family composition will share sweet words about their feelings for what we're doing. It's hard to know how to take compliments and I often just deflect them by saying how thankful we are that God has called us to adoption. It's true. We are.

The comment that makes me smile most is "you sure are a giving person".

"No, not really", I think.

It's a sweet sentiment but our pursuit of adoption was 90% selfish and 10% altruistic for me. But it was also 100% obedience to what we know Jesus has asked.

I am a greedy, jealous Mama. I love to be adored by my kids. I am greedy for their affection. I have to be #1 in their hearts (besides Jesus) and I am the LAST person who is looking for a mentor, "big brother/sister" or stand in Grandma for my kids. Sure, it's great if they forge a friendship with their youth leaders or think their friends' parents are "cool" but the buck stops there.

These kids are ALL MINE (well, and their Dad's but still . . .).

I think I am the mother version of a possessive girlfriend - a little stalkerish but for reasons I feel are justified. These kids are funny, smart and beautiful. Certainly someone out there must be out to steal their hearts from me . . . right?

I don't know why I am like this or where this ferocity comes from but it has NOT diminished as my children grow older. It might be a little worse. I see members of the opposite gender being flirty with my older kids or eyeballing them in public and while I'm sure this behavior is perfectly normal, it makes me want to yank the "starer" up by the shirt collar and say "may I help you?" about two inches from his/her face (and I won't have an altoid, either)!

I know these kids will marry someday and I may not be invited on the honeymoon. I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

But for now, I'm just going to revel in having all of these terrific people under my roof where we can have lots of dinners together, play cards, watch movies, travel and enjoy each other for a little longer.

I love the time spent with my prodigy. There has been hard work invested in their characters and training and as they get older, we see the hard work coming to fruition. They are amazing! Despite our missteps and the things we could have done better, they are superb individuals! That's Jesus . . .Faithful God going before us.

I am not giving. I'm greedy.

But isn't HE jealous for us? Doesn't HE look at our hearts and say "back away, you idols, that's MY daughter and her heart belongs to ME"?

In Exodus 20:5, God tells the Israelites:
"You shall not bow down to idols or serve them for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God . . ."

In Ezekiel 5 (a harsh chapter, I must say) God again tells His people that He is jealous for their affections.

I know my "jealousy" for the hearts of my children is not the perfect, sinless jealousy that God feels for us. The parallel falls short where my sinful nature starts - immediately.

But when I think of the shoddy, imperfect love I have for these kids HE has entrusted to me, I am humbled that His perfect, never-giving-up, always-forgiving, heart-pursuing love is so much more.

And He has the rights. He paid a high price for me. He owns me. I am His.

Let me never follow after lesser things, Father.

Thank You for being so jealous. You confound me, Father . . .