Great Faithfulness

I have been singing a song off on and for the last few days . . . "Great is Thy faithfulness, great is Thy faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies I see. . . all I have needed THY hand hath provided . . . "
And I love contemporary Christian music.  I choose it over hymns on a daily basis but when I see God doing big, God-sized things, it's those old hymns I learned as a child that come bubbling out.

And here is why I am praising . . .


This is the ear of a profoundly hard-of-hearing child in The Philippines. Notice how it does not have a hearing aid inside?

 THIS is the beautiful child who is attached to  the ears that do not have  hearing aids inside but should.  She is standing with my husband on Evaluation Day when he was meeting visually impaired children for The Bartimaeus Project. But her caring staff had hopes that we might help a deaf child, too.

 THESE are the hearing aids donated and paid for by my precious friend and fellow adoptive mom, Martha, her friend Lillian and donors who read about sweet "Ella" and felt moved to help!!!!!! These are also the batteries, cleaning supplies and other needed items to make sure beautiful "Ella" will be able to hear for a long time to come.   GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS!!!!!
This is THOUSANDS of dollars' worth of equipment that came together in the span of 48 hours. Because God's people care and they want to help, if they can just see the need! 

 And this is the little boy that stole my family's heart as we learned he possibly had congenital glaucoma, a seizure disorder and little hope of developing anything close to normal communication.  He is sweet and shy and cooperative with a tentative demeanor.

This is also the very boy that The Bartimaeus Project sent to a pediatric eye doctor with a tinge of sadness only to discover this sweet angel just needs a patching regimen, no surgery and does NOT have glaucoma after all!!! Great is HIS faithfulness!!!!


So we now extend our arms to this little blessing below. She has what appear to be benign tumors on the surface of both eyes. Possibly cysts, and we seek the Lord in prayer for her as we work to get the help to her that will insure she grows up with her eyesight in tact.
Please pray with us that her needs can be met as quickly as the needs of the two beautiful children above.  If she needs surgery, the Bartimaeus Project will stand beside her all the way through.  She is in a wonderful, loving children's home that will make sure she is surrounded by support as her treatment continues.  We all have high hopes that her story will end with perfect vision and a loving family. We can rest in HIS Great Faithfulness as we move forward with helping her.

These blessings are the top three in a deep stack!
Donations continue to come in as our family prepares to move full-time to The Philippines.
Our home repairs are almost complete so we can place our US home on the market.
The peace of God engulfs us as we start selling our worldly goods and making the needed connections abroad.
We have been asked to speak at three different locations in the next month and share the project with Believers!

If you have donated to The Bartimaeus Project, we just can not thank you enough. On behalf of these children and the many others who stand in line for vision services "thank you" is not enough.   I pray that you feel in the depths of your spirit, the magnitude of what our Great and Faithful Father has done and will do through your giving. 

If you are praying about partnering with us, please do it!  I can assure you of two things:
1. Your gifts will benefit the children above, and others like them, for a lifetime.  Children with restored and preserved vision have an exponentially greater chance at being placed in adoptive homes than those who remain visually impaired.
2. When your gifts help us move permanently, we will be even more effective in sharing the good news of Jesus Christ and in getting more children to pediatric eye specialists.  Please help us get there!

To learn more about donating to The Bartimaeus Project, visit our web site at:  www.bartimaeusproject.org
All donations are tax deductible as we are a 501c3 in partnership with The Community Foundation of Carroll County

If you feel God tugging at your heart to do more than give financially, if you want to come spend time with our family in The Philippines after our relocation, let us know!  We can use any extra hands God sends and just the encouragement that comes from time with our brothers and sisters in Christ.  You can bring your children, too!  The Philippines is a visitor-friendly country and you will have access to medical care if needed.
If you have another gift or talent you would like to offer The Bartimaeus Project, we are all ears! We welcome you to come alongside us and get in on what the Lord is doing.  

Thank you for praying. Thank you for giving.  THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING and I have to pinch myself!!!!


GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS!!!!!!!

In The Line of Fire

Those of you who know me IRL, know that I am not a "demon around every corner" type of Believer.

I don't go around binding and rebuking things.

I've never cast anything out of anyone.

But I DO believe in spiritual warfare and am living in the line of fire right now.

My beautiful Ezekiel landed in the hospital just a week before my family's scheduled trip to The Philippines to begin work for The Bartimaeus Project!

He was diagnosed with bronchiolitis brought on by a virus, most likely influenza. He had a high fever and the hospital staff struggled to find a medication that would open his airways. It was terrifying for our whole family.   God graciously healed our boy! My husband and two hard-working older children went on the trip in my stead . . .

And second-to-youngest son got the flu.

A few days later I was preparing to speak at our church's Christmas Brunch for ladies.  I began
to have that nagging, powdery throat that signals something is coming on.  I went on to enjoy the brunch but by the end of that day, I was in bed with a fever of 103 and the flu. 

Yup . . . more flu.

And now twice-daily skypes with my Philippine travelers are muddled by so much coughing from the US side of things.

And middle son came stumbling into my bedroom in the wee hours of last night to tell me every joint hurts, his head was burning up and he has "watery eyes" . . . fourth victim of the flu emerges . . .

The weather is dreary and now I'm glued to my facebook as I pray for the healing miracle of a BEAUTIFUL little girl with Down Syndrome who appears to be close to dying from sepsis and a host of other complications . . . the effect of this on my spirit has been surprising even to me. Please pray for her. Her name is Aziza and she is a dark-haired beauty all of six years old . . .

I don't know this family directly but her mother and I have many mutual friends online. You see, the Down Syndrome community is very close-knit, even online. When one of us loses, we all lose. We all know it could just as easily be our own child and one day might be.  And the reality that God doesn't always heal is not lost on any of us.  We have held all-night candle light, leave-your-porch-light-on vigils and all-day fasts for the healing of other children and God has chosen to take those children Home.    And sometimes the reminder of the fragility of life leaves me questioning. I feel faithless but He doesn't always heal. He gives and takes away.

And the enemy is hard at work to take the combination of all that I mentioned and twist it into   the shape of a dark cloud and plaster it over my head.   I'm an easy target.  Sick.  Sick kids. Husband and teens across the ocean.

But the enemy will NOT gain a foothold in this heart and mind.  Not today!  Because greater is He who is in me than he that is in the world"!

I have to be willing, not just willing but eager, to take from the hand of the Lord, both the good and the bad.  You see, I learned long ago from the reading of the story of Job, that the enemy has boundaries.  And God is sovereign.

So I choose to use this time to flex the muscle called "counting it all joy" . . . which is rusty because life has been pretty darn good for me up until the whole hospitalization of my angel baby, for a long long time it's been sweet.

So I'm counting it all joy as my husband, adult son and almost-adult daughter minister to children on the other side of the world . . .

 As a little girl is given an extra measure of joy from some special time with my husband...

As a 16 year old boy feels the overwhelming sense of achievement of being able to sort some shapes with an audience cheering him on . . .

As a child too disabled to give much indication that she is aware of her surroundings blesses my own family because she is life . . . and life is precious . . . NO MATTER WHAT~!

"Count it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials, knowing the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing."   James 1:2-3

Tribute

Today, November 4th, 2012 is Orphan Sunday.     All around the country, churches are promoting adoption and orphan care in one way or another.  Facebook is rife with adoptive families sharing first photos of their adopted children.  Scripture and touching video inundate my "inbox".

I love it!

It draws my mind back to our first adoption in 2005. We had two biological children, a boy and a girl, and had surgically sterilized ourselves to make sure that's all we ever had.
But our BIG God had a BIG plan . . . to shake us right out of our comfort zone and give us the indescribable gift of a beautiful almost-four-year-old little boy with hearing loss and developmental delays. . .

 He has grown into a sweet, thoughtful, AMAZING 11 year old who reads well, is achieving his goals in math and has the kind of servant's heart every parent dreams of!  Ky was the perfect first adoption, as God well knew.  He bonded quickly, drew every family member in with his adorable face and sweet ways and rarely, if ever, misbehaved.  He made us eager to adopt again!

And then came Lemuel . . .

At 8-years-old, Lem was a firecracker of a child! He had the energy of a dozen children and had been through several disrupted adoptions. Lem was wounded and he challenged us at every turn. We can now say, with full confidence, that God has healed our sweet boy and he is proving to be a trustworthy young man with a fierce sense of right and wrong.  He is a star athlete and yet so humble about the gifts he has been given in that department.  Whenever the phrase "it was worth it" comes up in a television show, casual conversation or something I'm reading, my mind goes to our precious Lem.  We waited a long, long time and went through many MANY trials before this child grafted into the family but here he is and yes . . . it was worth the wait!

Four years later, God gave us the blessing of a child with Down Syndrome. . .

This tiny "baby" was 2 1/2 years old when he found his way into our family and along with him, came the most remarkable changes in all of us!  Appreciation for the smallest gains, compassion for those who struggle with developmental disabilities, the kind of protective love for another person that makes you ready to spring into action at the slightest sideways glance . . . we have to temper this in our older children. We have to assure them that not everyone who looks at our Angel Baby in public is thinking something unkind.  But more than what he represents, we love who he IS.  He is shy with strangers, he loves to dance and "sing", he eats with great gusto and he can be as stubborn as any child I've ever met.  Watching him sleep is precious and holding him while he sleeps can still put tears in my eyes.  When we hear "God's ways are higher than our ways", we can agree with complete certainty.  We might not have pursued the adoption of this Angel had not the Lord pricked our hearts so clearly . . . but oh, what we might have missed!  He is as close to perfection as a human can be.
The irony of that statement might be lost on some but if you have a child like ours, you understand completely.

But Our Father was not finished stuffing this family full just yet. . .
Into my hands came the file of an almost 15 year old boy.  And I saw his picture. And I knew he was MINE . . . just as sure as I knew I was living and breathing, I knew this young man was destined for our family . . .

And he came- terrified and uncertain, having been so long in his caring center. Having built relationships that were real and strong with so many who raised him, hating to leave yet needing to move on at the same time.  But this young man had been prayed over. He had been committed to God many times by many Believers. And we have been blown away to have been chosen to step into his life at this juncture and be the ones to say "forever". . . that is a privilege we will never take for granted.  God could have chosen anyone, but He chose US.   Thank you, Father!

And our crew has grown so big and beautiful, I often can't believe they are mine . . .

So as Orphan Sunday draws to a close,  I pray that families around the world are prompted to open their hearts and homes to just one more child, or to give to a family going through the adoption process, or to pray for orphans in every country.

The knowledge that there are children with nobody to call "mommy" or "daddy" lays me low. I choose to focus on all the "found" children today, like my own sons, but I am keenly aware that many remain unclaimed, feel unwanted, feel "less than" and in this broken world, that will always be a bitter truth.   But my prayer for those priceless treasures is that YOU, my readers, my friends, will notice, and care, and pursue them, even to the point of tremendous personal sacrifice.

There is no child too disabled, no land too far and no price tag too high for our Father.
He pays for what He orders. He guides. He equips. He sustains.
Always.
On time.
And sometimes, he even says "keep the change". . .
Won't you ask Him what He wants of you on this Orphan Sunday?

"God places the lonely in families . . ."   Psalm 68:6

Answered Prayer and White Fields

After a wonderful walk in the dark hours of the morning with my faithful walking friend, I came into the quiet house determined to spend some quality time in God's word. I have not done as well in that pursuit as I would like lately. I really need to go on a fast from my ipad . . . that would help.  Words with Friends or Words from my Father???? Hmmm . . . it should be an easier choice than I make it.

I usually prefer to choose a book of the Bible, most often Old Testament, and read chapter by chapter. I love seeing the hand of God in the lives of His chosen servants like David, Moses, Gideon and Daniel.  But today I played a little "Bible Roulette".  I do NOT recommend this method of study as a general rule but there have been times in my life when God has used it to speak to my heart.
Like today.

I opened to Matthew 20 and saw it . . .

It is the parable of the workers in the vineyard.  The master hires workers in the early morning, the afternoon, the late day and the evening and pays each worker the SAME wage at the end of the work day.

Those hired early are indignant!  They worked ALL DAY and received the same wage, albeit a fair and previously agreed-upon wage, as those who worked just a couple of hours.

The owner of the vineyard chastises those complainers with the remark "am I not allowed to do what I want with what belongs to me or do you begrudge my generosity?". 

And I realize that my husband and I are those workers hired very late in the day! But HE has been and is still being so generous with us just because He is good and He feels like it. Not because we "deserve". We don't.  All we "deserve" we have mercifully avoided by the brutal substitutionary death of God's perfect son. 

And that makes me want to worship Him all the more . . . because grace begets gratefulness.

Yes, Father, you are allowed to do whatever you want with what belongs to YOU . . . and with WHOEVER belongs to you . . . because it pleases you to do it.

So in giving and taking away, in healing and not, in bounty and in want, we have no right to look over our shoulder or to the left and the right and ask why SHE gets this and HE has that.

We have only but to praise You for the provision that comes from Your hand.  Your loving, guiding, cradling hand that is promised to never leave or forsake us. The value of which can not be measured.

So thank You, Father, for hiring us. Thank You for the wages. Thank You for the work. 

Thank You for proving time and again that You are doing this and we need not strive.
Or worry.
Or doubt.
Or give up.


Thank You for the tangible ways in which you are carrying us. The severance, the insurance, the provision that is more than we asked or imagined.  When you owe us nothing but are giving us so much.

Why?

Not because of our goodness but because of Yours.  To make us humble. To remind us that not a breath is drawn apart from YOUR will.  To teach us to trust even more and to never fight You for the helm.


Hired. Paid. Used. Protected. Guided.

Saying Goodbye

Oldest Son's 16th Birthday (2 years ago)

As we continue to make our preparations for moving to The Philippines, I can feel something strange and a little sad happening.  A shift in my thinking. 

I consider how old and ragged my couch  is looking.  I think "there's no need to replace it. We won't be here . . ."

I consider my daughter and second-oldest son's high school graduations and then catch myself . . . "oh, they'll be in The Philippines then."   And I feel sad and happy . . . the word "sappy" was created just for thoughts like these.

We have been blessed with tremendous friends and family here in the good old US of A . . . and I can't think about the void that will be left in my heart when I have to consider the time difference, the reliability of my internet and the cost when I want to reach out and touch someone.

But even more than my own sad and weird feelings, I am sad for my children.  THEY have made some wonderful friends, too.

Thanksgiving at Our House

Our boys with Two Great Friends at the Beach

Kyky's birthday with his favorite friends

Lunch With Family and Daughter's Close Friend

 Leaving family makes things doubly hard although I know there are airplanes and we will need to see them just as much as they will need us.  Of this, I am certain.

"MY side" at Oldest Son's Graduation Party

Uncle Jr with our sweet Angel Baby 

There is also a giddy thought that keeps my heart full of joy even though we leave so many behind.
It is the off chance, just the possibility, that after so many years of praying for Lemuel's oldest biological brother and writing so many senators( and even the President )to try to bring him to the US  and no one could help because immigration law does not allow for a young man of his age to be adopted, it might just happen in the most unexpected way . . . we will come to him.

And even at almost 22 years old, with many  there who love and care for him already, he has room for eight more people in his life.  Maybe, despite the many he has called "Mom", he would be willing to say that to this white lady who has sent him boxes and skyped with him over the years but never been able to visit in person. 
This young man has never left my heart and always has been in my prayers.   I think of his hard work just to speak some English to his little brother when they skype. And how he sang "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns to us over skype the first time we talked . . . and I felt like a ninny because it made me cry.    And every time it seemed time to end the skype, Ariel would say "Lem, Lem" and I could visibly see him trying to think of something more to talk about so they could have a little more time .

And when I pray for him now,  I refer to him as my "one", thinking of the parable of leaving the 99 sheep for the "one that was lost".  Even though he isn't lost, we know right where he is and who is watching over him, it seems he has been without blood relatives for far too long.  And we have his blood brother right here.  Seems simple enough . . .

As if adding another son to this full and blessed quiver wasn't enough, there's the ministry we get to do. We will have the privilege of going to many different orphanages to do play therapy and screening with visually impaired orphans.  We get the chance to put our hands on these fatherless boys and girls and tell them how precious they are!  We can build relationship with these children and, Lord willing, help them find their families.  Most importantly, we will be able to tell them about their Heavenly Father, who made them and loves them and has a plan for each one of them.

So focusing on Ariel and focusing on the children, I think I can do this "goodbye" thing. 
I know it won't be easy on any of us but I also know that Ephesians tells me I serve a God who does "immeasurably more than we ask or imagine" . . . so much more . . . and if those things I am imagining are THIS great, I look forward to seeing what the "MORE" will look like!

It's not quite time for official goodbyes yet but I feel the shift. The time is drawing near.
I have never had to trust so much in my life.  But our faithful Father is paving the way and
turning our hearts toward The Philippines in new ways.

And we wait . . . and expect . . . and follow . . .

Porch Talk

I love summer time in North Carolina (well, it's summer enough with temperatures in the upper 80's and humidity making it's presence known even in the early morning).

Almost every morning, hubby and I awaken before any of the children. We get our cups of coffee and sit on the front porch to read our Bibles and talk a bit.

Those talks inevitably meander toward The Philippines.
We breathe in the scent of our blooming Magnolia tree and say "we're going to miss this smell".

We wave at the man who, in his 80s, never misses a day walking or bike riding past our house on the quiet cul-de-sac. We met him when our large rottweiler/lab mix broke free and went after him one day. She doesn't bite but he didn't know that.
"I'm going to miss seeing that old man" I sigh. "I hope whoever buys this house appreciates the front porch."

But I can't muster any real sadness.

We're going on the adventure of a lifetime. Our children will be by our sides. We go to a place we've been before and we know we love.

We understand there will be hard times, heartache and struggles.
We have those here, too. It's life and we're just people.

Today's porch talk included our little Ezekiel (who still sleeps in our room, much to the chagrin of perfect parents and baby whisperers) so he sits with his mango-peach juice box while we drink coffee and he reminds us, just by his presence, that God gives us good gifts in the most unexpected packages.

Ezekiel reminds us that taking a big scary leap of faith can result in unsurpassed joy. He is a walking illustration that what some call "burden", others call "blessing" and we relax.

We relax because our Heavenly Father has all things under His control. The same God who pricked our hearts to adopt a child with Down Syndrome and healed another child of Reactive Attachment Disorder is the very same one who is calling us away from this front porch and to the other side of the world.

HIM, we can trust. Oh, what we would have missed if we hadn't trusted!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight".
Proverbs 3:5-6

The view from our front porch . . .

It's a New Thing!

For those who have been long-time readers (or started reading with Adoption Disruption: the Down and Dirty), I just wanted to offer a quick update for encouragement.

What I feared most since posting my "Cautious Corner Turning" and "More of This" has happened. Our son got into trouble for being deceptive last night. It was a minor infraction. He turned a TV show while two little brothers were in the middle of it and he took the remote with him to the restroom so they could not turn it back.

It was selfish. It was sneaky.

My heart sank when little brother came and tattled.

I HAD to confront the behavior and I prayed it would not end up in a lie or crying jag. That is the normal pattern. As predictable as a Twilight book, as regular as the phases of the moon . . .

But the cycle broke.

He hung his head, apologized, admitted it was wrong, unkind and selfish WITH NO PROMPTING and he returned the remote to little brother and subjected himself willingly to "Penguins of Madagascar".

There was sincerity in the air! It smells like lilacs and Reece's cups (ha ha).

I asked him to come talk to me and I told him I was NOT proud of the remote sneaking and channel changing but I was OVERLY proud of him taking responsibility and making it right when confronted. He wrapped me in a giant big-kid hug and just said "thank you".

I KNEW he would mess up eventually. Everyone does. Me. You. Everyone but Jesus.
What I didn't know was if the mess up would result in the ugly patterns of RAD coming back with a vengeance. It didn't! I praise the Lord. I love that he can mess up in a relatively normal way and humbly take correction. That is a skill that will serve him so well in life.

Shoot. I could use a little brushing up there myself.

NOBODY over reacted and nobody held a grudge. It was a beautiful mess.
An accidental blessing.

Lord, You are good! You heal. You restore. Even when we're faithless, YOU are faithful! I can't waste my time wishing we had gotten here five and half years ago.

Regret is futile and we're here NOW.

So glad I didn't miss it. So, so glad . . .

Getting To Know You . . .Getting To Know All About You . . .

Transition.
It is not a word that stirs up positive feelings and warm fuzzies.
In labor, "transition" is that excruciating time period when most women begin to say "I just can't do this anymore".

In adoption, "transition" refers to that period of time beginning the day your child comes home and ending at the point when you feel he is comfortable in his new family.

Transition in adoption can last anywhere from just a few months to upwards of a year depending on whether or not there are bonding "issues" on either side of the equation and depending on how much effort each side expends.

We have adopted children who were 3 1/2, 8, 2 and 15 years old upon arrival to our home. The two youngest were much like babies when they came home. Both were diapered. Neither could speak. They were utterly dependent on Mom and Dad for the meeting of their needs. Bonding is easy, in my opinion, when someone needs you THAT much. I got to hold and bottle feed Ezekiel for many months, looking into his eyes. Kyle was using a sippy cup but I often chose to tilt him back in my arms and rock him while he drank his pedia sure. I hoped, in both cases, I was emulating nursing - lots of eye contact, singing softly, cuddling them to sleep. It was blissful and the bonding happened spontaneously. Of course there were hard moments and bumpy times - sleepless nights, inexplicable crying (me AND them - ha ha) but those early days with my tiny ones were mostly happy and characterized by joy.

Here are a few VERY early pics of Kyle . . .

And Ezekiel . . .

When the child joining your family is much older, transition takes a bit of a different turn. For us, it was marked by some awkwardness, a few misunderstandings, a lot of time feeling like we have a house guest and plenty of "on your best behavior" for everyone involved. Time and familiarity helped bring the walls down but some strategies that I found EXTREMELY helpful in getting to know our newest family member (15 years old upon arrival home) may prove useful to someone out there in "cyberland" who is preparing to bring an older child home.

1. spend plenty of time doing intentional FUN activities. Francis and I play a game of scrabble or uno almost every night after the three youngest are in bed. We love to go to mini-golf as a family, out to movies or just sit outside in lawn chairs on nice nights while the kids toss the football or jump on the trampoline.

2. Involve your new child in HELPING right away. People feel more like family and less like company when they are contributing. We didn't want out new son to get the impression that we brought him here to "work" (ha ha) but we also wanted him to take ownership in the family and home. We started by asking him to help with cooking (he likes to cook) or taking out trash. He and I had a lot of fun the day he learned to sort laundry and use the washing machine! Many steps involved but I only had to show him ONCE and he mastered it!!

3. Because we homeschool, we have the added benefit of LOTS of extra time together. Part of our new son's daily work includes keeping a journal. He writes on topics like "My Most Amazing Day" or "My Biggest Regret". He chooses from a long list of prompts. I have gotten to know him so much better through his journal and I always take the time to write a little comment after his entry.

4. GIVE THEM SPACE. I found out (the hard way) that older adoptees sometimes need a little extra time to be alone with their thoughts. In the earliest days of our new son's arrival, I was so very worried about him grieving his "old life" that I know I badgered him with questions that he was not ready to answer yet. He is such a positive, happy person on a regular basis so recognizing those times of sadness and introspection was easy. During those times, I offer to listen or take a walk with him if needed but am careful not to be offended if the answer is "no, thanks". Sometimes it is.

5. Riding in the car alone (this works with all my teens, adopted or not) brings out a LOT of unexpected information. While we both concentrate on the road, it seems to take the pressure off the "where do I look?" "what do I do with my hands/eyes", "is she going to try and get all mushy and hug me" issues. My kids open up often while we are en route.

6. Indirect conversation has helped us to get to know our new teen. We will often talk about other people/children/situations and it seems a safe way to share how WE really feel about a given topic. While discussing a story we watched together on the nightly news, we are actually getting a good feel for how the other person perceives a situation.

7. Gage their comfort level with physical affection.
This was a HARD one for me. I am a very "huggy" person with my kids. I kiss them as much as I can. I love to rub their backs, hold their hands and snuggle with them - big and small. Some children are not used to physical affection. Others truly crave it but won't initiate. Still others will hang on you like an octopus if you are within arms' reach. As much as I wanted to wrap my new 15 year old in a blanket and rock him like a baby when he first came home (ha ha), I resisted.
I found that he was fine with being hugged and would often sit practically on my lap on the couch even though other seating was available. He would ask for help with his hair or some other task that involved closeness and so I interpreted that as a "green light". It was.
Just use your best judgement and observe the cues. Don't be pushy with the hugs but don't be stingy either. You may have to step outside of your comfort zone and take the RISK of having your efforts rebuffed. You never know until you try.

8. SEIZE THE MOMENT. If your new child gets sick, gets hurt during play or seeks you out while upset, make every effort to nurture. Go that extra mile in "babying" them so there is no question in their minds that you are the one they can always turn to. Open arms and open hearts are rarely empty.

I hope the list above doesn't feel overwhelming to any of you, dear readers. These are simple strategies that have helped us assimilate our newest blessing into the crew. The temperament of your child, the tenure of the home, the amount of English your new kiddo can understand and many other factors will effect how YOU integrate someone into your own family.

The most important strategy of all is also the simplest: pray daily for wisdom.
The Bible is clear that God longs to give wisdom to all who ask. Just ask.

Baby For Sale

I recently had the incredible misfortune of reading an article online (sent to me by an appalled friend) that was penned by an adult adoptee. This adult adoptee is a bitter young woman who is angry about being "snatched from her culture, language and homeland" by her wealthy, white adoptive parents. She goes on to lament a lifetime of LOOKING Asian and not BEING Asian. She felt she never fit in anywhere. She was a perfect, chubby, beautiful baby the day her parents boarded the plane to Korea. She was not, however, an orphan. After much research and several trips back to her native country (and years learning the language), the author of this article discovered living parents, aunts, uncles, full-blooded siblings and an entire village built around her lineage. This is one of the saddest adoption stories I have ever read. It's sad on several levels. First, the author never felt fully embraced by her adoptive family, she was always left with an empty ache of needing to find where she truly belongs. Second, she turned out to be right. She was not a true orphan. She was the spawn of a young, unmarried girl who later went on to marry the baby's father and build a life with him. But who knew?
Adoption is laden with miry ethical issues that are often swept aside by parents longing for the warmth and responsibility of a baby. Adoptive parents sometimes don't know the full story. Under the Hague Convention, a "true orphan" is a child who is either:
1. one of parents who are deceased
2. a child who has been legally, voluntarily surrendered by biological parents
3. a child who has been declared neglected and abandoned by the court system

The young woman in the story was none of these. She was taken to a clinic by a distant relative and left there. Her anguished mother searched for her for months.
The relative felt he was doing the mother a favor and, in time, she would see the gift she was given in being unfettered.

Why am I, a four-time international adoptive parent, even discussing such a sensitive topic? Why would I want to put something into print that might make a family second guess the decision to adopt? Because it is VITAL to the future health of your family and your adopted child to be careful when adopting. A child who's parents are deceased should have solid evidence in his paperwork of such. A child who has been legally surrendered should have surrender paperwork (ours even includes the thumbprint from the surrendering parent. I look at these prints often and, for some reason, they are extra precious). A child declared abandoned by the courts will have a long paper trail of attempts to locate birth family, court appearances, and that child will likely be OLDER because it takes time to properly execute a search for a parent who, may not even know their child is on the fast-track out of the country.
Your best chance of being certain that you are adopting a true orphan is to adopt from a "Hague Convention Country". These countries have agreed to abide by rules that decrease the likelihood of child trafficking. They are agreed that beautiful babies "found in a park" might just have more to their stories.
The draw back? Many children from Hague Convention Countries are older children. They have had to wait for documents and signatures to complete their files. Those surrendered directly at birth by parents are not as plentiful and families who feel they need a small, healthy infant must wait a long time in a Hague Country, for a match.
Yes, The Philippines is a Hague County. They are transparent in all their paperwork, fees and timelines, in my experience. The children offered there for adoption are "true orphans". In fact, our agency just received a new batch of files of waiting children. No. There are no tiny babies there (several toddlers, though) but there ARE gorgeous sibling groups. There are children who have waited a long time to be claimed as sons and daughters. There are kids there who my family MET IN PERSON and fell in love with on the last trip to The Philippines. Uh oh . . . (ha ha) yes, there's one little five year old boy on that list who is a heart-stealer. He has some special needs but those only serve to make him CUTER, in my humble opinion.
Are you considering adding to your family through adoption? Please consider a true orphan. PLEASE consider a Hague Convention Country. Adoption is a slow and painful test of patience no matter which route you take but a true orphan from a Hague Country may help your family, in the long run, to avoid some of the doubts and heartache that come with a child who knows, deep in her heart, that she had another life where she was someone's treasure. Kids know. Even young children. Somehow, they know. I believe God placed a sense in us, of where we belong. Is there a true orphan out there who belongs with you?

The Importance of "Four"

November 7th marks four months that Francis has been a part of our family. Four months sounds like such a very short time when I think of how long it took to do the paperwork for his adoption. Four months sounds like a short time when I think of how long it takes to grow a baby "the old fashioned way" or how much time a couple has been married . . . JUST FOUR MONTHS?
But as I ponder all that has taken place in our home in the four short months that Francis has been ours, it feels like a lifetime has passed. From those earliest weeks where we didn't really know each other but worked through the mother/son role to the time it took me to figure out some of his quirks, until now, it seems a million years have passed. I know him so well in JUST FOUR MONTHS. I can list all his favorite foods, I know how much money he's hiding in his special hiding place in his room, I know the tactics he uses to try and wiggle out of school work and I know his past. From long, sometimes sad but often happy hours of listening, I know that, too. The privilege of getting to know this particular person is not lost on me for a moment. He is so special and capable and has limitless potential. He truly can be ANYTHING he wants in this life. God has gifted him in so many ways. Our family is richer for having him in it.
There's so much I wish I could say but I hope readers understand why I have to resist. Some people you share with the world and others, you just keep close and give little peeks. Just trust me when I say that God DOES give good gifts to His children. Amazing, precious, hilarious, perfect-for-us gifts . . .

But Who's Counting?

I want to tell you a little bit about one of my best friends. Those of you who know me in "real life" probably know her, too. Her name is Thea and she and her husband have nine beautiful biological children with another on the way! Thea helped me lay down my fear of having a large family just by letting me get to know hers - the good, the bad and the messy (ha ha)- she reminds me often that God decides who comes to our table and HIS decisions are always right . . . I need to hear that from time to time.
Recently Thea and Steve read the book "Radical" by David Platt. She and I spent many hours talking about our own lives and ways that we might live more radically for Jesus. Thea has had a heart for adoption for a long time but her calling became even more clear through study of God's word and His mandate for us to truly abandon ourselves to Him . . .no matter how "far out" his path for our lives may look to the rest of the world. So, as crazy as it seems, God called this VERY large family to grow even larger through the miracle of adoption. After much prayer and soul searching, the family decided to request a match with two beautiful brothers from Ethiopia! They ARE beautiful, too. I've seen pictures and video that make me wish I had seen them first . . . but, no, they are destined to be Thea's and the Lord has made it plain.
The family is in the throes of raising money for their adoption. Their precious children have made some incredible stationary and survival bracelets (long pieces of rope that are braided into pretty bracelets but can be unwound and used to save you if you find yourself in a "Bear Grylls" situation sans the years of training).
You can check the bracelets out at www.fromgodstummy.blogspot.com
It's a truly novel idea. I'm getting a purple one!
Another way you can help this family is to come to our local Chic-fil-a restaurant at Cary Towne Center on October 25th from 5-8pm, order some dinner and tell the cashier that you are there to support the adoption fundraiser. Chic-fil-a will donate 20% of your meal purchase price to the family's adoption fund. We had this very same fund raiser for Francis' adoption and it was SO much fun and so very successful!!!!
Finally, the most tangible way you can help my friends is to pray for them. During the adoption process, families tend to face grueling spiritual attacks. There is money stress, extended family's dissension, doubt of hearing God's calling correctly . . oh, you name it! Adoption is hard and wonderful at the same time. Please pray that my friends have a lot more "wonderful" than "hard".

"Normal" Is Heaven!

With almost two weeks home and the jet lag considerably reduced, we are crossing into familiar terrain that most people would call "normal life".  The kids are ALL doing their chores again (thank the Lord . . . I really needed the help!) and their own laundry again (double "thank the Lord").  Francis has had no problem falling right into the routine and taking on any responsibility given to him. Even better, he takes it on with a good attitude and a willing spirit!   You can't ask for much more than that . . .
On Friday we took the family to the beach for the day.  I could tell Francis was a little hesitant about this trip and not too excited.  I asked him if everything was okay and he brought up the fact that he doesn't exactly swim.   I tried to offer encouragement and give him several options of things to do at the beach besides swim.  When we finally got to the beach, it was a "red flag" day and due to strong currents, beach goers were not allowed to venture into the water any deeper than their waists!  Just one little example of God taking care of a potentially awkward situation and keeping everyone in the same boat.  I loved it!
Today we all went to see the final Harry Potter movie and then Dad took Francis and Lemuel to the YMCA to play some basketball.  I'm sure when they get home they'll want to watch "Naruto" or some karate movie on Nexfiix before bed and eat the last 6 chocolate chip cookies in the tupperware.
I just  LOVE LOVE LOVE describing the normal events going on over here because each one is made more precious with Francis home.  I dreamed about having him home and in our "normal" family doing "normal" things for almost a year and finally - it's happening!    No drama.  No behavior "issues". No sibling jealousy (well, maybe a tad but that will be saved for another post).  No major adjustment problems.  Just us living life and seeking to please the Lord in the little things while looking for His guiding hand in the big things.
Miraculously normal!

Lemuel and Francis bury Elliana

Lem and Ezekiel

Ezekiel and The Kuya

Francis, Lem and Elliana with their boogie boards

One Day At a Time

Although the picture above doesn't show it, Francis is having a bit of a tough time right now.  He's leaving behind an amazing group of caregivers, a school full of friends and a church that he loves. All of these have been in his life for the last ten years, almost to the day.   I knew it would be hard for him.  I also know that God is faithful and weaving together a beautiful portrait of  loss and reclaiming, of giving up something to gain something else.    I do ask for prayer for our precious son.   I am asking the Lord to be merciful and let this grief be short-lived.  I am praying that God gives peace and comfort even in the midst of the sadness.
I just finished a skype with my family and already am seeing improvement in his countenance.  Yesterday, it was so hard to even see him on the camera because I could read him like a book. Just devastated. Today, this morning, I talked to everyone as they were waking up and saw some smiles and even a little joy peeking back in.   I'm not naive enough to think that a smiling face means a heart is healed. That will take time, patience, prayer and many reminders about God's sovereign plan.   I've had to be reminded over the last couple of days.  I've had to revisit our original calling and pray through my own doubts. I needed to reconfirm that the sadness he is going through is not because of my own selfish desire to adopt but because the Lord ordained it and He will supervise every thought and tear.    I end this post by asking the question I have asked in countless blog posts.  How do people without Christ survive?  How are they not paralyzed with fear at such life altering decisions?   How would we be able to bring another person into such drastic life changes if we didn't know that the Creator of the Universe had predestined it?  There's just no way.

Utterly Dependent

The title of this post may very well make a reader believe it's going to be deep. Spiritual. A discussion of our helplessness without the Lord.   Nope. This post is about my internet!  
My husband and two precious teenagers are now in Manila and in just a few hours they will meet Francis in person for the first time!!!!!!   Our family of seven becomes a family of eight in just six hours or so!  How blessed I am! Also, how neurotic! 
If I had decided to sit down and post yesterday, the post would have had a very different tone. Exasperated. Upset. Despondent.  Ungrateful.  Our internet has been down for three days due to some severe storm activity.
I called to get help from our company only to find that no technician was available for FIVE WHOLE DAYS. 
Normally that would not be a big deal. I may have even welcomed the "outage" as a chance to get back to playing board games with the kids or cleaning out some unvisited corner of my house. But my family is overseas! I was not going to be able to skype in on their first meeting.   I was so distraught.  To top it all off, I went out into our backyard yesterday while the two youngest children were watching a cartoon. I was gone for literally three minutes. When I tried to reenter the house, I found Ezekiel had opened our laundry room door and "trapped" me outside.  I panicked and pushed the door so hard that it bent the track the laundry room door rests on and knocked it right off!!!   I tried to fix it but it's awkward, heavy and I'm no "handy woman".  I decided to "google" an article on how to repair the door track when it dawned on me, I had no internet connection.  Add the fact that it was still two more days until grocery day and I had nothing "easy" to make for dinner so I knew that thawing, chopping and plenty of cooking were on my agenda.
How's that for a whiny run-down of a day????? I went to the front porch and had a pity party which involved a few tears and a good bit of praying.   Suddenly, two things dawned on me.  First, I thought about  how ridiculously I was behaving.  I talk and blog about the sovereignty of God and suddenly when my day goes south, He's not in charge?  It's not a part of His plan in any way, shape or form?  Second, I had a wave of compassion for all the single mothers out there!  I can't handle two days of "singleness" with grace and yet I know women who have done it for years!  Who changes their lightbulbs? Who watches the kids for an hour while they go to book club?  Who puts their laundry room doors back on track and says "oh, you look tired, let's go out for pizza tonight"? Who takes the dogs out at the end of the night because they get all creeped out at the thought of stepping on a frog or a snake?  Nobody. 
If any part of God's plan for yesterday included making me grateful for my amazing, handsome, handy man of a husband, I can confidently say "mission accomplished".    If any part of the enemy's plan for yesterday included exploiting some pretty lame aspects of my character, I can also say "mission accomplished".  
I can't help but think about the apostle Paul and how content he learned to be "in every circumstance".
I want so much to think like that and right now, I do.  My internet is back on, the door is fixed and my sweet neighbor is bringing us dinner! 
What a difference a day makes. 

The COUNTDOWN

In a few short days, three of the people I love most in this world will board an airplane and make their way, ever-so-slowly to The Philippines.  Right now, the greater Manila area is drenched in flood waters from tropical storm "Falcon".   I just finished reading an article and watching a news broadcast (in Tagalog but I got the gist) about the evacuations, missing children, lost fishermen and impassable roadways.  I am afraid.
The excitement of finally meeting my new son in person is tempered with the realization that the conditions where he lives are not the best right now.
I am keeping this post short and asking for every reader to pray for my family.  Please ask the Lord to deliver them safely to Manila and safely back to me again.     Thank you so very much!
For His Fame,
Nikki

FAMILY NEEDED (WELL, TWO FAMILIES, ACTUALLY)

I have recently become aware of two young ladies in The Philippines who are in desperate need of families.
They are not related and will  go two separate placements and THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL!  Both need to be adopted in practicing Christian homes - where a walk with Christ is the focus of the family.
Both girls are around ten years old and understand that they will be adopted.  Aside from being gorgeous, their write ups look very, very good. 
I wish I could post pictures and specifics but the rules of the ICAB prevent me from doing so.  Please log on to our adoption agency web site and take a look at the criteria and fees for Philippine adoptions Christian Adoption Services .    You can also send me an email here  for more information.
Above all, please pray for these girls, that they get the chance to live out their lives as someone's precious daughters. . . that a daddy comes in to offer them protection like only a daddy can . . . that they get a Mama to show them the path to womanhood.   God designed children for families. There's no better place!

Ready, Set, GO!!!!

A LOT has happened since my last blog post just a couple of days ago.  I'm not much of a list maker but just for today, I think I'll write a list:
1. Big family meeting to pray about who gets to travel to meet Francis took place
2. A  tiny tantrum occurred  at said meeting (hey, I was PMS-ing, give me a break)
3. My husband and two oldest children won the bid to travel (I'm okay with it now)
4. Tickets were purchased (3 round trip and 1 glorious one-way)
5. Francis had his Embassy interview and all went well (except he got publicly sick in front of a restaurant after the interview, much to the horror of the patrons eating  just inside the window, I'm sure)
6. Boxes and boxes of gifts and orphanage donations have been received, packed and repacked to meet the airline weight requirement.

Those are the biggies this week. Lots of great little things have happened but those were definitely the big, exciting steps taken toward bringing our son home.  
I have developed a wicked case of insomnia  on top of it all. I don't feel stressed or worried, I'm just so excited that I can't sleep. If I wake, I start thinking about the adoption, the travel, the closeness of it all and I'd rather lay in bed and daydream than actually sleep, I guess.    Today, after a full week and 5 days of teaching preschool Vacation Bible School, it all caught up with me and I was wiped out. My sweet husband took the three youngest kids to the pool at the YMCA and I was able to doze in front of the TV - the movie was "Mask" with Cher playing a biker chick mothering a physically deformed teen son - it was almost too interesting to fall asleep to but I somehow managed. 

I am starting to field calls and requests from friends and family members who want to come to the airport when Francis arrives. I'm honored and thrilled!  They have every right to come and I'm touched they would ask. So many people have walked with us through this adoption, prayed for us, donated, encouraged and loved on us that there was never even a thought of keeping his "welcome home" all to myself.   How wonderful for Francis to see a crowd of people anticipating his arrival!  I hesitate to put times and details on the blog because I have had a few "weirdos" over the years contact me via this blog fishing around for information but if you're a friend in real life, you know how to find me and I'll be glad to let you know when to be where. I'll probably be so keyed up I'll need a ride rather than driving anyway!  

Keep those prayers coming, friends. Our father is faithful and as I see the finish line on this adoption, I also see the start of a new family and all that comes with it.  The good and the bad, the stress and the joy, the peace and the worry and I say BRING IT ON!!!!

                                                    Mom, Ezekiel and Daddy (above)

Lemuel carrying lunches for the homeless ministry

Our two oldest (in the center) handing out lunches at the homeless ministry

Our sweet Ky Ky tried fondue for the first time

Mercy?

Well, it happened.  Just as I knew it would.  I expected it in much the same way as one person watches another person blow a balloon up way too much . . . the cringe before the "pop" . . . I waited and it happened.
Lemuel told his first big lie since returning home from treatment.  "What's the big deal?"  you might ask. "Kids lie"  you might say.  Yes, some do.  For Lemuel, lying is a symptom of a bigger issue.   He just can't seem to trust.   The lie he told is not what's important, though.  It's what God did in the hearts of those of us in command over here.    Bear in mind two things. First, we are fairly strict parents.  We are coming from years of "Growing Kids God's Way" , detoxing if you will, and have to work hard not to be overly legalistic with our children.  Second, for us lying is one of the ugliest offenses we encounter simply because of the heart from which a lie springs - selfish, fearful, unwilling to trust, wanton and uncaring. Just plain old fashioned SINFUL.
When Lemuel decided to lie right to my face yesterday, I felt the Lord so strongly speak to my heart that it actually startled me.  I was just about to impose a punishment for the lie when God literally shut my mouth and impressed on my heart to "love him through this one".   Internally, I argued with God thinking "okay, I'm going to give this kid hugs and kisses and a free pass to lie? LIE? One of the behaviors I abhor the most?"
"That's exactly what you're going to do",  He impressed on my heart.   So I did.   The response was not what I expected.  Lemuel began to panic!  He said "I'm not the same as before I went to treatment. I'm not going to tell any more lies. I don't know why I do but I'm going to stop. It makes you not feel close to me when I lie and I don't like that!".  He was speaking too fast and breathing hard.   I have NEVER seen him show genuine repentance, especially right after an offense.  Any glimmer of regret usually comes hours later, after he's had time to strategize a little.   I assured him that lying to us won't send him back to treatment (I wondered if his strong response was due to the fear of being taken back).  But he said "I'm not thinking about that. I'm thinking about how I want to show everyone that I can tell the truth."   And that was that.  We moved on.
For THIS offense, for THIS day, that was enough.  When he lies again, and I do believe he will ( it's so much a part of his coping and defense mechanisms)  we will have to weigh  the response carefully.  Showing mercy was exactly what was required for this "first offense" after treatment - a little testing of the waters for all of us.
Extending mercy felt just right in this situation.  Receiving mercy always feels good, albeit humbling.
I should know. I receive it all the time from my Heavenly Father and from these precious people he's fashioned into my family.  I am counting on the principle of sewing and reaping on this one:
"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."  Sermon on the Mount.
Lord, thank you for your mercy that is new every morning.  Please give us wisdom  to know when mercy is fitting and when justice is required.   My constant prayer . . . MORE OF YOU, LESS OF ME!
Amen.

What a Difference A Year Makes

 What kind of narcissist sits around reading her own blog posts from a year ago?? Yeah . . . that would be me (ha ha).   I ran across the following quote from a blog entry I typed on June 5, 2010 . . . almost exactly a year ago.  It said:

"I am absolutely loving this time of year. It's hot and humid and practically every day is capped off by an evening thunderstorm or rain shower.
In spite of all the joy, I have little peace. I committed the cardinal sin of reading through Christian Adoption Service's latest list of waiting children. Those of you who know me at all know exactly where this post is headed . . . yes, I am hopelessly in love with a child on the list. I have his file. I know it by heart. He is older (almost 15) and had a very rough start in life. He is in a Christian orphanage, loves Jesus, plays music, sings and even has an "emo" haircut like my oldest son. He ages out in one year and will be unadoptable."  

I went on to discuss how there was no way the Inter Country Adoption Board would allow us to start the process so soon after Ezekiel's adoption, and how we were still recovering financially from Zeke's adoption anyway. I went on to lament that my husband was not ready to adopt again . .. blah, blah blah . . . I'll bet the whole time I'm typing the Lord is looking at me with a shrug and thinking "maybe you should ask ME what I think about this adoption"!

Isn't that CRAZY?  This post was written only three months after Ezekiel came home and several months before the ICAB consented to allow us to pursue Francis' adoption!   Now I know more than just his FILE by heart, I know his voice, his mannerisms, his accent, so many things that the pieces of paper could not convey. I know how perfectly he's going to fit in over here.   I know he never fully gave up hope as he waited for a family. I know he is ours. That was the plan all along. It couldn't be better.  I can't grieve over the 15 years we didn't know him, I can only rejoice in the next 15 . . .or 50 . . . that we get to be present!
I KNOW that by the end of this month, Lord willing, we will be face to face!

Ephesians 3:20-21

English Standard Version (ESV)

 ²⁰⁾ Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

It's All You Can Do

I have an uneasiness in my spirit lately.  I don't know exactly why or where it came from but I have been walking around  with that feeling that is hard to explain.  It's kind of like the feeling you get when you know you've put your foot in your mouth but you can't talk to the person you've offended to make it right.  Does that make sense? It also feels like the feeling I had as a child when I knew I told a lie and it was just a matter of time before the truth came out. It's that pit-of-your-stomach ache. It  has been dogging me the last couple of days.     I know it's in relation to our upcoming adoption because when I think about it, it gets worse. ( No, we're not having "cold feet". Not even close.)  
I'm a Believer in Christ but I don't know much about spiritual warfare however, I do believe there is some of that going on in my mind. The Enemy has been whispering doubts in my ear (not audibly, don't worry - ha ha) that go something like this:
"He doesn't want to be a part of your family. You're second best.There's somewhere else he'd rather go."
"He's going to be very disappointed once he gets here and finds out how things are."
"Your lives are too boring - homeschooling, church, family events - nothing like the constant activity at the orphanage. He'll go stir crazy in your family."
and even worse . . .
"You're being used."

In my quiet time, I've been reading through Samuel. I could not WAIT to get into God's word this morning and pray through these terrible doubts and fears. In Samuel,  God wanted a closeness with His chosen people that would be impossible when they were ruled by an earthly king.  Even today, God is asking the same of me, imploring me not to trust my feelings or the lies of the enemy but to go straight to Him with my heart's concerns.  He alone can make this path straight. He alone can silence the enemy and restore peace.  I don't need to turn to friends for counsel or to supplemental books for explanations about His will. I just need to trust and obey - keep walking in what I know to be true and leave everything up to Him.

I came away from my quiet time with peace - peace that whatever happens with this adoption, with my family, my health, my children, I know that it is all under the authority of a loving and sovereign God.

I am feeling like I may need to take some practical steps to keep this peace in the forefront of my heart and mind.  First, I feel like I need to step away from the computer a lot more.  I have decided to log on only once in the morning and once at night, and only for a short time.   I have been "googling" things that I am fearful of and the results of my searches induce fear rather than peace.
Second, I realized that worries have colored my relationship with these wonderful children God has given me so I decided to take them out for a day at the movies just relaxing and having fun together.  It was medicine for my soul!  We saw "Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2" (because we really enjoyed #1) and I have to say that before, during and directly after the movie, I did not think about the things that are bothering me even once.
I have never struggled with much anxiety or persistent worry and I'm telling you, even this tiny peek into how it feels makes me  so sad for people who do.  It's all consuming.   The up side? I've lost a little weight (vanity, thy name is "Nikki" - ha ha). 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Philippians 4:6