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Thursday, January 20, 2011


I am struggling.  There's no other way to say it.  That niggling feeling that someone is missing in our family is now taking on a life of it's own.   I can look back on this very blog and read the posts prior to Ezekiel's adoption and see this same phenomenon but it seems worse this time.  It is worse.  I think a few factors are contributing to the angst. First, our agency director is leaving for a visit to The Philippines in just a few days.  He is taking a photo album with him that will, hopefully, find it's way to Francis VERY soon.  I am coming to grips with the realization that it's time for Francis to learn that he has a family.  The ICAB is cautious about how and when children receive this information.  They and the orphanage staff don't want to run the risk of telling a child too soon and having circumstances change.  I am glad they operate this way but I am on pins and needles waiting to hear how Francis will react, at 15 years old, to finding out he has a family.  IT IS STRESSFUL to wait for this news.
He could decide he doesn't want to make this monumental life change and the process would come to a halt.
The other reason I'm "losing it" a little bit is that there is still one piece of paperwork keeping us from being able to get his legal documents and file for his immigration clearance. We're waiting on the results from a recent psychological evaluation (done routinely, not because of any glaring concerns).  A third-party does the evaluations and gets the results to the ICAB.  I don't know how long this takes.  As I type this post, I realize the root of my struggle is my tendency toward being a "control freak".  We are at that point in the adoption where nothing rests on my actions and everything depends on other people.  Yeah . . . OTHER PEOPLE . . . ha ha.   So, if you are a fellow control freak, let me assure you that the adoption process does not cure your need to control the world, it just reveals it!


  1. To my evil twin: Which is the "on" button on that blender?

    I have watched you through two of your adoptions...and you are right, it is not for the faint of heart. Just so you know, you have handled your struggling with such grace that you have successfully tricked me into adopting myself! I adore you and have been praying for you.

  2. From one control freak to another - I'm praying for peace for every one of you and that Francis will be home with you SOON!

  3. Sweet Nikki-
    I know the feeling. I will be praying for you as you wait to hear how Francis responds. God has lead you to this boy and I am sure He has been preparing Francis even though he is not aware of your sweet family yet! Praying for Trust and peace as you wait!

    Love and Prayers,