Missing!

I am struggling.  There's no other way to say it.  That niggling feeling that someone is missing in our family is now taking on a life of it's own.   I can look back on this very blog and read the posts prior to Ezekiel's adoption and see this same phenomenon but it seems worse this time.  It is worse.  I think a few factors are contributing to the angst. First, our agency director is leaving for a visit to The Philippines in just a few days.  He is taking a photo album with him that will, hopefully, find it's way to Francis VERY soon.  I am coming to grips with the realization that it's time for Francis to learn that he has a family.  The ICAB is cautious about how and when children receive this information.  They and the orphanage staff don't want to run the risk of telling a child too soon and having circumstances change.  I am glad they operate this way but I am on pins and needles waiting to hear how Francis will react, at 15 years old, to finding out he has a family.  IT IS STRESSFUL to wait for this news.
He could decide he doesn't want to make this monumental life change and the process would come to a halt.

The other reason I'm "losing it" a little bit is that there is still one piece of paperwork keeping us from being able to get his legal documents and file for his immigration clearance. We're waiting on the results from a recent psychological evaluation (done routinely, not because of any glaring concerns).  A third-party does the evaluations and gets the results to the ICAB.  I don't know how long this takes.  As I type this post, I realize the root of my struggle is my tendency toward being a "control freak".  We are at that point in the adoption where nothing rests on my actions and everything depends on other people.  Yeah . . . OTHER PEOPLE . . . ha ha.   So, if you are a fellow control freak, let me assure you that the adoption process does not cure your need to control the world, it just reveals it!