I'm have so many conflicting thoughts I want to organize into a cogent post. This may not be the one . . . .
I think of a hundred amazing observations I can't wait to share on my blog - when I'm behind the wheel of my car or sitting in the dentist's chair with a sucky straw hanging from the corner of my mouth, or up to my elbows in ground beef making dinner for this hungry herd.
Oh, yes, the things I want to share with all of you . . .
There are small things like:
I grew up believing that slim jims were encased in sheep intestine and only recently found out they aren't. They are edible collagen casings.
When tracking our progress on the C25K app, my friend and I discovered we cover just about as much ground walking as we do running. We are either painfully slow runners or lightening-fast walkers. I prefer the latter.
There are big thing like:
We are just a couple of months away from full-time mission service in The Philippines and my heart is ready but my house is not. Deciding what to keep, store, sell and give away is not a simple task.
We are heartbroken over recently having to leave a church we have loved for years. But we had to in order to be true to our convictions and to send a strong message to our children. And I feel like the sadness just sticks around like an heirloom necklace - too valuable to put in some box but too ugly to wear...
I feel blessed and lucky but also overwhelmed and inadequate.
Aren't we all those things much of the time?
So with all the jumbled-up, frenetic, impossible-to-ignoredness, I go to where I am grounded and sure. The Word.
And I see comforts like:
"Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you". Hebrews 13:5
"The blessing of the Lord makes one rich and He adds no sorrow with it." Proverbs 10:22
"And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough
places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not
forsake them." Isaiah 42:16
So I am struck by the notion that all the things I want to share don't amount to much unless they exhort, encourage and point to the Lover of My Soul.
And the sadness and heartache over the temporary are inevitable but shrink to smallness when held up next to the everlasting Word. I can not fathom walking life's road without knowing My Savior. How do people cope? Where do they turn for steadfast guidance? Comfort? Help in times of trouble?
To Oprah? Dr. Phil? A therapist? A friend equally lost? A bottle? Workaholism?
So, this little stream of consciousness might read a bit flighty because that's how I'm feeling as of late. But it all comes full circle to the one who holds me close in times of clarity and times of confusion - and teaches me that the "big picture" is not something I always have to understand up front.
And I'm happy to rest in Him and not "advise" Him as I am so prone to do.
He is doing fine without my advice and I am learning to be led.
Through little sadnesses . . . and bigger joys . . .