My There-You-Are Kids

This post is likely going to be a little disjointed and will most certainly NOT satisfy a reader who has come here looking for a ministry update.

I often struggle with how much to share on the blog. In years past, I would have had no trouble opening my heart and letting the contents spill all over this site.  But right now, today, I am a missionary.   I want to be careful that this adoption/ministry/Mama's heart blog is just as authentic as it ever was but also that it never disparages the ministry under which we serve.

But at this very moment, I have to throw caution to the wind and share something that has happened and my downright unspiritual, self absorbed, childish reaction to it.


If you are an adoptive parent, you may have experienced the unnerving phenomenon known as "love at first sight" with a child.
I have had this happen EVERY time we have adopted.  I would see my boy on the Special Homefinding list  and think "Oh, there he is. That's MY son.   Time to get the paperwork started . . . "

And EVERY TIME, he was ours.   My spirit knows my children.   Even before there are any guarantees.

I never even feared, with our 5 adopted treasures, that they were not mine.  Because they were. They are. Just the same as our two home-grown.

Grandma and Grandpa in The Philippines with us!

And now that we live in this country, where the children hold a unique place in my heart, I fully expected to "fall in love" again.  I was shocked when, as we began to serve in orphanages all around us, that did not happen.  I met child after child and waited for my there-you-are and it didn't happen.

I began to suspect that God was closing the door on our own home to more children and, instead, we would serve MANY and invest in the children here in a different way.  And I was fine with that.   Truly.   A little relieved, actually.

And then, my lightening bolt hit.   At a party we attended for a nearby orphanage.  A child came into the party so very quietly and put his head down at the table.  And not that it matters, but he was a very beautiful child.  I asked his name and age and gave him a craft to work on.   I know my hands were shaking because my there-you-are was in full swing.
I asked a caregiver about him and found out he was part of a small sibling group.  
And in walked younger sibling . . . There-You-Are . . . again.

But even more eerily, after the party, two of my own big kids noticed these children and said they should be ours. Oh, my joy!!!!

Because we serve children with special needs at this location, we visit fairly often. Each time I saw these siblings,  it was confirmed in my heart that they were our kids.  Their names, their faces, their ages . . . perfectly matched to our family. 

In typical "when our family adopts" fashion, I approached my husband.  In typical "my husband" fashion, he was hesitant but willing to pray about it.  Being the provider carries with it innate fears.  I get that.

As hubby began to warm to the thought of these children coming into our home, I worked up the courage to ask their orphanage director if they were available for adoption.  

Her answer wrapped around my heart like a heavy frost . . . ."there is a  family pursuing them now . . . the paperwork is in process . .. etc etc".

This was only yesterday.  But I  am confused.  My There-You-Are has not been wrong before.   This was something I knew just the way I know my own.   I did not WANT to be drawn to these children!  I was not looking to add to our family and I still am not.  I'm open and willing to do whatever the Lord asks of us but am not "cruising" for more sons or daughters.   We have been blessed to overflowing with the ones we have.  Above and beyond.

 I am tossed between being so happy that these children will have a family to being downright jealous that it isn't mine to wondering, still, if they will find their way to us.

Anything can happen in the world of adoption.  Especially as it crosses country lines. Approvals are not a guarantee.

And that's a terrible thing for me to say.  I know.  Please show me grace.

I warned you.   Unspiritual.  Childish. Self-Absorbed.  

But Faithful God in His perfect timing let me hear the news of their impending adoption on a Saturday.
Today is Sunday.

I anticipate I will walk into church still a little sullen and out-of-joint.
And be convicted.
And learn to trust Him more.
And decide to let this one go . . .

New ground for an "experienced" Mama.  Always room to grow and change.
Hard lessons from a loving God. 

For The Sake of The Call

If the title of this blog post sounds familiar to any of you, it should.  It is the name of a song written by Steven Curtis Chapman in the early 90s, I believe.   It impacted me so greatly that I still sing it from time to time, some 18 years later.

The chorus says "we will abandon it all, for the sake of The Call.
                            no other reason at all, but the sake of The Call.
                            Wholly devoted to live and to die for the sake
                            of The Call . . . " 

And sometimes, as I live here in the mission field, I feel sold out to The Call.
But other times,  I wish I'd never heard it.

I read an article recently that talked about an interesting timeline for people who live outside their countries of origin. This article stated that the first two to three months are filled with "wonder" at all the new experiences.  The fourth to sixth months start to get difficult as the novelty wears off.  The sixth through ninth months are characterized by finding  a "new normal" and the ninth month on marks the time when the new destination becomes as much "home" as the former.

I don't know what kind of scientific research went into this article but yes, we are in the 4-6 month zone for sure.  I love this place but it is not new and exciting anymore.  It is a dichotomy of beautiful and terrible.  The landscape is gorgeous. The people are strong, resilient and amazing.  The poverty is crushing and the needs are overwhelming.  I am getting emotional whiplash from the desperate needs I see on every side, all the time.

I never want to leave and yet, I sometimes wish I could run away.   Am I even making sense?   Probably not.   That happens after "year 40", in the life cycle of a human female, I'm afraid.

I remember blogging, years ago,  that for the sake of the Gospel of Jesus, I will walk a hard path if I'm called to.  I wrote those words in reference to parenting one of our very difficult children - that for HIM, I would do it.    I say it again now.  If living here and doing the work we do points anyone to HIM, I will do it.  And gladly.  But, make no mistake, it's getting tough.

We shared so very excitedly with all of you about the provision for the surgery of Reymart, a beautiful two-year-old boy from an impoverished family who had a huge tumor between his eyes.  Remember him? Here is his update!

BEFORE SURGERY

AFTER SURGERY

This sweet boy endured a serious procedure and was such a trooper!  His shy, quiet mother prayed to receive Christ as her savior during this process.  If THAT is the ONLY sinner's prayer I ever witness during this entire ministry in this country, it was worth it.  It was worth the selling and the coming and the stepping out.  "For the sake of The Call." 

There isn't much in life that is more humbling than listening to a woman in tears give her heart to Jesus in her own language while you pray silently in yours.  

And the thing is, I know there are other "Reymarts" out there - kids who need surgery to save or restore their vision and change their lives.  Kids from broken homes, orphaned or fatherless.  Kids who need to know how much Jesus loves them and that they are worth investing in.

I realize He can do all of this without me.  There are others, probably more qualified and more faithful, that could fill my spot on this mission field in the blink of an eye.  

But after getting a glimpse of His hand at work, I never want to be anywhere else! 

Yes the "novelty" has worn off.  I am aching with how much I miss my family and friends in the states.  

But I got to be in on THIS boy having surgery that will change his life.  I got to hear his mother pray to receive Christ. I got to hug and kiss these people and  remind them of how much they matter.  

I think I'm the spiritual equivalent of an "adrenaline junkie"!  After seeing what God has done for this little family, I am afraid to miss seeing it again.  And again.  And again.

So, until He draws us away, we are here.  For the sake of The Call. 

We covet your prayers, as always!  Please pray for our own children - that this calling of their parents draws them closer to Him and that they grow spiritually richer for having been here. 
Please pray for the child we are serving now, a gorgeous little girl who is smart, sassy and precious - that the spots of her cornea do not hold her back from seeing or from being adopted! Pray for protection for our family from the diseases that we see here: diphtheria, tuberculosis, hepatitis, water-born  amoeba  and others.

But most of all, we ask for prayer that God would keep using us up and then refilling us as He has so faithfully done thus far. When we are weak, He is strong!  That rings of more truth now than it ever has before.

We ARE weak.
He IS strong.

For The Sake of The Call. 

A Lifer

This was a unique Thanksgiving for our family.   We are spending our first Thanksgiving EVER outside of the familiar comforts of the United States.   

But as always, Yaweh provides. And even in the little things, His care for our family has humbled me yet again.
We were invited to spend Thanksgiving with a family of "lifers" . No, they haven't committed  any felonies that I know of.  Lifers are  missionaries who have served here for much of their lives and probably will until the Lord brings them home.  This family happens to be comprised of members who knew and cared for our sons, Lem and Ariel, before we knew them.

And one of the ladies I have grown to love and respect immensely, Jeri,  has been to our home in the states on Furlough more than once.  We sipped coffee  together and "what iffed"  about getting together on HER side of the world at my dinner table in North Carolina.

And yesterday, we did.

As I looked around her home, with nearly 20 years of memories, I asked the Lord if  we could be "lifers", too.

We are still so new, 5 months in country.  We are still learning the ropes, building relationships, getting our feet wet, making mistakes and finding out just where we fit. 
Picking up our COMPLETED registration certificate from the Securities and Exchange Commission, STEP ONE in being recognized as a legitimate helping - hands organization by the Philippine government, felt like a major victory!   But we have so far to go and so much to learn.

We were just able to be an integral part of a little two-year-old boy receiving life changing surgery.

That huge tumorous mass is no longer a part of that beautiful face!   The fact that God allowed us to be a part of this kind of service only shored up my heart's desire to stay here and do MORE. 

I want  to be a LIFER.  But only if He wants me to.   And how will we know if He wants us to?

He will continue to provide.  He will give us work and funding and a peace about staying.

But if I know Him, and I think I do - although not as well as I would like, it won't be easy.    NOTHING He has called us to do has been easy.

It has all been worth it.

And just when we have started to wonder if "worth it" is truly worth it, He sends fellow Believers to us. . .
with Thanksgiving invitations
with boxes of shoes for the BP kids
with emails asking for our address to mail gifts for our beautiful project kids
with friends holding fund raisers just because they want to
with invitations directed at our children for visits and get togethers
with reminders that He always provides, guides and equips.

Lifer or short-termer.  That is not my call to make.
He knows the desire of our hearts.  He knows the plans He has for us.

And I know Him.

And that, my friends, is more than  enough. 

Earthen Vessels

         "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels  to show that this all-surpassing power is from GOD and not from US"  2 Cor. 4:7



 I can't recall a time in my life when I have felt more like an "earthen vessel" or a "jar made of clay" than right now, living in this far-away place and doing work that far exceeds my skill set, miles from my comfort zone and learning the guidelines of a culture, language and geography that have never truly been mine.

More than three months in our new-found  Philippine life brought changes - both welcome and unwelcome - and I want to share them in my pray-for-us,  encourage-us kind of way . . .


My handsome, helpful first-biological child has moved out of our house.  He lives in a shelter for street kids about two hours away.
I miss him very much but I am also bursting with pride that my boy made this choice. It is a life different from his at home.
He uses a bucket for a shower,  he has had to learn new bus and jeep routes to get around a bigger, more dangerous, more crowded city than the one in which we now live.   He has had to overcome his own bit of shyness and jump into the unfamiliar to get involved.
He recently went on a 4-day trip with friends, ate his first balut (duck embryo) and is getting a chance to make friends from walks of life we never knew when we were in the states.  I am honored to watch this son-of-mine becoming the man that he is intended to be.

Yes, he jumped!!!!!!!!

Street Outreach

 My only-daughter is just a few months from high school graduation. She is working on her LAST math course and then she will be a high school graduate. I see her thriving in this new country and am so thankful for the time we have been spending together. She got her first-ever pedicure with me last week and, although she laughed through the whole foot massage portion, seemed to like the results. I know I did! Elliana is having a portfolio done to explore the possibility of doing some modeling here. The "mestiza" (half Filipino/half white) look is super popular here.  Don't believe me? Come walk through the mall with my girl. It honestly feels like going out in public with a rock star.  Groups of giggly teen girls ask if they can take a picture with her. Boys stare with their mouths half open.  Elliana is very good natured and generally just waves and smiles (sending the gawkers into a stunned silence) but every now and then, I do see it taking a toll. She just wants to order her meal or buy a shirt sometimes without the giggles and stares.  This is a "problem" I think most of us wouldn't mind having . . . ha ha ha!  Elliana has been working with a reading group of Bartimaeus Kids on Saturdays and being an all-around great help to me.  I'm proud of her in a million ways!

 For the last two months, we have been getting to know Ariel, our newest family member, in a deeper way.  Ariel is the full biological sibling of our son, Lem.  He is 23. He has a sweet, happy spirit and is truly NEVER in a bad mood. He is happy,  tired, hungry or a combination of the three at all times!  Ariel went from his desperately poor family into institutional care at age 8.  He has traveled many paths from orphanage to adoptive home to disrupted adoption (in The Philippines), back into a shelter, independent living, shelter again and finally, our family.  I'm sure he bears the scars of this kind of life but, to tell you the truth, we don't see scars.   We see optimism and a trust that God is there and always has been.  We see cognitive delays. Early malnutrition is a beast, people!   The things it does to children are truly irreversible without a miracle from God.   This broken world has left Ariel with life long learning challenges that will change his course in dramatic ways.   I spent many years in The States trying to bring Ariel into our family. When we finally got here and were able to commit to him as parents, I  felt that dream realized but, the truth of the matter is, teaching an adult to read, with all of his memory and processing issues is HARD WORK!  It requires that I pray through each school day in a new way, asking the Lord to give Ariel retention,  to make connections, to show him the value of what he's learning.  For myself, the prayer is always patience and compassion no matter how I "feel" that morning or how my night's sleep was.  This young man is counting on me.  God has been so gracious to wrap this difficult teaching challenge in such a sweet, compliant, eager-to-learn package.  I love this young man and that goes a long way at the teaching table.   Yet another chance to remember "it's NOT about me."

Ariel with Ezekiel and Amaris, doing his usual thing - being awesome with the little kids!

Kyle and Ezekiel . . . well . . . what to say about those two? They are my "babies" and they are great friends.  Kyle is showing signs of becoming one of the "big kids" and I don't really like it!  He continues to be so thoughtful, buying candy and gifts for his siblings on a whim, playing games with Ezekiel that he has played a thousand times before - with no complaints.  Kyle is learning by leaps and bounds in school and reading large chapter books of his own accord. He struggles with missing a couple of very special friends from the States.  You know, the kind of friends that just "happen" to you and, before you know it, they are pretty much family.  Kyle had that and he misses it.   I don't blame him.  It takes time and just-right circumstances to find that.
Ezekiel is kind of potty training but, the stubborness innate in his Down Syndrome is making this a cirque du soleil- level challenge for Mama.  I'm kind of up to up, kinda not.

Francis and Lem are doing well, homeschooling, making friends with a group of kids who love basketball and going with the flow as I anticipated they would.  I love my boys. I have been BLESSED that THESE are the ones God gave us!  Perfect? No, not even close but humble of heart, willing to serve and a heck of a lot of fun!  For teen boys, I'd say we have the gold standard.  Maybe that was a bias and completely "obnoxious Mama" thing to say but, it's typed and I don't feel like hitting the "X" key! Plus, I do believe it.

In other news:  I'm working really hard to learn this language and it is NOT easy! The words are so darn long and that "ng" sound is so foreign to my English-speaking mind.  But I NEED to learn.  I know some basic phrases and encouragements that I use when we work with the kids but that isn't enough.  If you don't know what Tagalog sounds like, go to youtube and find a Tagalog song or movie clip.
This language is tonal -changing the emphasis on a syllable changes the word but it is also a language where one word can mean 10 things depending on where you place it in a sentence.  Yeah . . .I  know.   And I laugh when I remember believing the notion that "everyone in The Philippines speaks English."  They don't. And they don't have to.  I'm in their country and I should learn their language. Period.   SOME people here speak excellent English.  Who? Professionals, social workers, etc.  Who DOESN'T? Young children, the poor, anyone who hasn't been to school grade 3 and up. . . most everyone we are ministering to.  I am thankful I have a husband and two sons who are not only bilingual but can translate for me!  I am jealous of them. And prideful.  I don't want a translator, I want to speak for myself.  Humbled again.   Sure I need it.

The Bartimaeus Project:
I have never worked this hard in my life!  Certainly not in the 16 years since quitting my Special Ed job in California and homeschooling my own brood.  Yes, I have worked very very hard as a homeschool mom but this is a whole new kind of tired! Aside from the weekly Bartimaeus Learning Center enrichment classes, we are doing outreach with a local street ministry, mountains of paperwork for our project, visiting orphanages, working on becoming licensed foster parents, and a host of other small tasks that we know God has asked us to do so we do them.  Our original target for ministry here was blind children living in orphanages. We came here with our braille-writer, tons of sensory games and activities for the blind and prepared to self-teach braille immediately.
We arrived to find a few children in orphanages with visual impairments - and we offered our services to them - but, for the most part, kids with visual impairments are not in orphanages. They are turned away because of the high cost of caring for them.   We then broadened our scope to work with children with all types of special needs, still holding out for visually-impaired as our primary focus.
We found that there are so many children in care with special needs. So, so many.  We have had to be particular with who we serve, making the most of our time and resources.  THAT is a foreign concept to me.  I like to throw open the doors and say "everyone, come on in!"  but, realistically, we can't do that.  It would painfully short-change the children we are seeing who have real, genuine needs.
And I am growing to love these kids so much that holding back, for THEIR sakes, is becoming easier.

If you've read this far, you either love our family, really care about orphans in The Philippines or have some extra free time. No matter why, I want to thank you!  I am praying the Lord will prick so many hearts for these kids, and the ones who are to come!
Our goals over here are:
1. To open a full-time Special Education school for orphans with visual impairments and other special needs.
2. To eventually turn that school into an orphanage so we can invest daily, moment-by-moment in the children.
3. To share the awesome, life-changing news of salvation through Jesus with the kids - and live it out FOR REAL.

True fact:  We need a BUNCH more monthly donors.  We have been blessed with awesome one-time gifts. We are so thankful for those.  They got us over here, they help keep us moving forward.  But in order to plan and budget, we so SO desperately need people to pledge monthly.   I'm not going to tell you to give up your Starbuck's for an orphan or to stop eating out after church so one of our BP kids can have lunch and books.  All that stuff stays between you and the Lord.  Adults works that out for themselves.
But I AM going to say, the more monthly giving that comes in, the more we can do over here. It's a simple equation. You give and we work.  We're working already WITHOUT being totally funded (or paid) because God has blessed us personally. But eventually our own resources will run out and we really, really want to be here for the long haul.   I promise I will NOT try to shake you down in every blog post but I have to be true to my pledge to be transparent on this blog.  I think my long-time readers know I share the good, bad and the brutally ugly have been written here over the years.

Anyway, if you feel like God is asking you to support The Bartimaeus Project, you can do it one of two ways:
1. Donate via paypal on the web site (www.bartimaeusproject.org)
                            or
2. Send checks offline (the info on how to do that is on the web site, too.

PLEASE pray for our project's big fund raiser!!!! It's happening in Baltimore, Maryland at the Grammercy Mansion on
on Thursday (October 24th) in the evening.  ( For more info, email Emily Russell at emilyrussellphotography@gmail.com).
We are asking God to fully fund our year on that night.  Will you ask, too?  He can do it.

SO, there it is. The mega-update I have been wanting to share for quite awhile and when the internet service and time clock aligned, it was done!

From one Earthen Vessel to another . . .

The Best Laid Plans

We are exactly three days into our venture from our home in North Carolina and onto the mission field in The Philippines and, so far, not one thing has gone the way we planned!

Our plan involved selling all of our vehicles except for our big van before we move.
HIS plan involved selling only our big van and the other cars will be sold for us by trusted friends and family.

Our plan included renting a 12 passenger van or comfortable SUV for a drive across the US before taking off.
HIS plan includes no available vehicles big enough for our family so we are renting two small cars and caravaning to friends
and family along the way.

Our plan involved a smooth trip to the Charlotte airport to pick up said vehicle.
HIS plan involves my sweet husband waiting for hours at the terminal and being passed from person to person (as well as a nice
trip on the concrete and two skinned knees for hubby).

 So we clearly see that we are expected to work on things like
"counting it all joy"
      and
"his ways are not our ways, neither are his thoughts our thoughts"

So we press on,  Confident that He who began a good work will be faithful to complete it.

And our slow downs and plan changes are within his watchful eye.  They are no surprise to our Father, who does all things well.

So we trust. We continue. We count our blessings. 

Mish Mash

In my almost three years as a blogger,  I have fallen silent on my blog only a few times.

Generally, that happens for two reasons. Either I am dealing with an unusually intense family change (an adoption, most often) or I am in a dismal mood and trying not to cyber discourage anyone.

 This most recent silence is due to a little bit of both.

If you've been hanging with us here for any length of time, you'll know that we've been working to sell our home and relocate full-time to The Philippines in service of visually-impaired orphans.

We just received an offer on our home!

That is a huge praise but with that offer comes additional stresses . . . inspections, negotiations, punch lists, concessions, polybutylene pipes and septic tank talk . . .  hard stuff.

 And, of course, while we seek to serve, the Enemy attacks at every turn. . . annoyances, squabbles,
frustration, insomnia and LIES, LIES, LIES . . .

"You are making the  biggest mistake of your lives. Damaging your children. Leaving 'the good life' for a life of poverty and illness"

But I heard all those lines before in one variation or another.  We are adoptive parents, you know.
So we say "bring it on" . . . not sure if we're being brazen out of faith or foolishness. I guess we'll know soon enough.

So that speaks to the "moody" part of the silence but here is the "busy" part. The part I love.

Homeschooling Lem again.

 Back at my kitchen table again where he belongs.


It makes me busy but it also makes me so very happy.

And, of course, the boys who have been here keeping me teaching are still doing just that . . .

Only daughter handles all of her own schooling at this stage of the game. At night, I grade and in the day, she corrects, reads, learns and reads some more.

Oldest son is working extra hours at his YMCA job and just opened his first mutual fund! We are
proud of the man he is becoming.  Almost ready to "do life" as a grown up.
Weirds me out.   I still remember diapers and training wheels.

But such is life.


In this midst of all the changes and planning, I feel myself pulling back from relationships that are not coming with me.  That's not a good practice.   One would expect to be milking those bonds for all they are worth as they will soon be separated by 8,000 miles.  But instead, I hole up and am slow to answer emails or phone calls.  So, forgive me.

Maybe it's the "Navy Brat" coming out to look after the tender parts.

Because sometimes I think about NOT being here and NOT having these people and I feel a little
panicky.  I have taken for granted so much and so many.  Yes, probably you.

So vetting out what is "normal" and what is "enemy" and what is "hormones" and what is "exhaustion" to put all these things into perspective is proving to be less-than-simple.

And I'm not going to try anymore.

I AM going to keep my heart focused on two things.  TRUSTING and OBEYING.

Jesus said "no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God".

So let me look forward.  Always hopeful. Ever pressing on. Silencing the doubts with
what I know to be true.

For you, my friends, encouragers, prayer partners, supporters and fellow laborers. I am
eternally grateful.   Please stay.   And pray.

And I will do the same for you.

For HIS Great Fame,
Nikki

Look What You've Done!

Just a short time ago, the director of The Bartimaeus Project and his wife were in The Philippines.

They were able to check up on a few of the children being served by The Bartimaeus Project and I'd like to give you a little glimpse into just how those sweet babies are doing today!

I'm sure you'll remember our friend "F" who was being evaluated for extropia and suspected congenital glaucoma . . .

Here is "F" on Evaluation Day back in December 2012 when he was being evaluated for services through The Bartimaeus Project

And although I haven't figured out just how to rotate this brand new photo of "F", you can clearly see the improvement in his condition after just a few weeks of a patching regimen and, so far, no surgery!  The Project will keep watch on this little one with regular check ups and make sure his care home has all the resources they need to sustain this progress.

And there's no doubt that our readers remember little "Ella". The outpouring of questions about her (and offers to adopt her) have astounded us!  She is deaf and in need of hearing aids. We shared her need and within a VERY short time, God pricked the hearts of several women to ban together and provide . . . 

......HEARING AIDS!!!!!!! She is holding the box in her hands that went from a sweet friend in North Carolina to me (at a mom's night out in a restaurant) to Pennsylvania, into a suitcase headed to Manila and into her precious little hands! How's that for God using the "natural" to do amazing works??? This child's life has been changed - the complete trajectory moved- by these simple acts of obedience on the part of some Mamas who love Him and love children! Something tells me this little one won't be an orphan for much longer!!!

Here is an updated shot of our sweet girlie with the cysts/tumors on her eyes.  Even with Reece's Peanut Butter Cup on her face, she is beyond adorable!  She is in the process of receiving a second opinion on whether surgery is the best option for her condition.  She is receiving great care in her care home, medications and, most importantly being shown the love of Jesus by a very dedicated staff.   We look forward to tracking her progress on her journey toward restored vision and know that God has BIG plans for this little one!

Our family longs to make the leap to living among these children and the many many like them, who need someone to shine a spotlight on their darkening vision!

Thank you to all of our donors and sponsors for making this follow-up trip possible. . . for helping us put hearing aids in the hands of that beauty and patches on the eyes of that handsome young man. . . for allowing us to see, face to face, the little chocolate-covered miracle who we will do all we can to assist!    Without your giving, we simply can't go.

If you are considering investing in the lives of these precious ones, and others like them who wait, please make a tax-deductible gift to The Bartimaeus Project ( HERE ) and equip us to serve more children. 

And if you are willing to dedicate a few minutes to praying for The Bartimaeus Project, here are some specific ways we would love for you to pray:
1. That our grant applications are met with favor . . . quickly!
2. That God leads us to the children who need us the most and gives us wisdom and strength to
    meet their needs while sharing the good news of Jesus Christ
3. For doors to open with doctors in The Philippines who are skilled in pediatric visual issues
4. For our family's relocation to The Philippines to be in His timing
5. For God to send workers to join us on short-term mission trips and help us carry the load

Thank you! For giving. For praying. For sharing. For caring about children you are not obligated to care for.  

For HIS Great Fame,
Nikki

Moving to Move

Today we received a rare Saturday gift from above . . . .
a snow day!!!

I realize to those of you living in the Northeast, Northwest and other places arctic, this amount of snow is nothing more than a small annoyance but to us, here in the South, it's a HUGE event! Sports  are canceled!  Some stores don't open! Plans change and people of all ages rush to the grocery store to buy up  the bread and milk for fear they may be stranded for TWO WHOLE DAYS!

So we stayed home.

But with the Big Move to The Philippines looming, we could not afford to snuggle and drink hot chocolate.  We had to get some work done on this beloved home so we can put her on the market.

Dad and Lem sand and paint the banister 

Aaron paints closet doors

Francis sands and paints closet trim

Ky keeps our busy little Ezekiel occupied and away from the paint, tools, and other dangers while we work

Elliana hides out with her computer so as not to attract attention and be given a task . . . ha ha . . .

And there's nothing like a mess of a house filled with tarps, brushes, drills and boxes to light a fire in my heart for the change that is on the horizon. Kind of how the smell of jet fuel at the airport makes me long to go somewhere, anywhere, even if I'm just there to pick up a friend.

It's all so very real to me today.  And I'm filled with the kind of anticipation I feel before we meet one of our children for the first time.  His peace is present on what should be an absolutely daunting and terrifying dimly-lit path.

My heart says "bring it on" and my brain says "you have no idea what you're getting into".

And they are both right  but my spirit says "trust Him who has already done immeasurably more than all you have asked or imagined". . . and I say "yes".

Maybe I'm living in a fantasy world? The project sending us is not fully funded. I hate to fly. We are living out our last weeks in this country without a church family. My husband has no paying job right now.
There are still a million and one tasks before us and we have just signed a lease on our home in The Philippines.   Shouldn't I be afraid?    Worrying?  Stressing out?  Looking with natural eyes and declaring it can not be done? That it's too much work?

To each one of those "negatives" listed above, my Father has already answered and provided!
He is working, even now, on every angle and He who has called is faithful.

Always has been.

Always will be.

And His beautiful word rings truth to my heart and wraps me in the knowledge that what might look disjointed, ill-timed or chaotic to the casual observer is the fulfillment of His plan and purpose in ways that we did not expect.


"His sovereignty rules over all" Psalm 103:19

Words to live by.   Words to move by . . . 

Little Sadnesses, Bigger Joys

I'm have so many conflicting thoughts I want to organize into a cogent post. This may not be the one . . . .

I think of a hundred amazing observations I can't wait to share on my blog - when I'm behind the wheel of my car or sitting in the dentist's chair with a sucky straw hanging from the corner of my mouth,  or up to my elbows in ground beef making dinner for this hungry herd.

Oh, yes, the things I want to share with all of you . . .


There are small things like:
I grew up believing that slim jims were encased in sheep intestine and only recently found out they aren't. They are edible collagen casings.
OR
When tracking our progress on the C25K app, my friend and I discovered we cover just about as much ground walking as we do running.  We are either painfully slow runners or lightening-fast walkers. I prefer the latter.

There are big thing like:
We are just a couple of months away from full-time mission service in The Philippines and my heart is ready but my house is not.  Deciding what to keep, store, sell and give away is not a simple task.
OR
We are heartbroken over recently having to leave a church we have loved for years. But we had to in order to be true to our convictions and to send a strong message to our children.  And I feel like the sadness just sticks around like an heirloom necklace - too valuable to put in some box but too ugly to wear...

I feel blessed and lucky but also overwhelmed and inadequate.
 Aren't we all those things much of the time?  

So with all the jumbled-up, frenetic, impossible-to-ignoredness, I go to where I am grounded and sure.  The Word.

And I see comforts like:
"Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you". Hebrews 13:5
OR
"The blessing of the Lord makes one rich and He adds no sorrow with it." Proverbs 10:22
OR
"And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16


So I am struck by the notion that all the things I want to share don't amount to much unless they exhort, encourage and point to the Lover of My Soul.

And the sadness and heartache over the temporary are inevitable but shrink to smallness when held up next to the everlasting Word.   I can not fathom walking life's road without knowing My Savior. How do people cope? Where do they turn for steadfast guidance? Comfort? Help in times of trouble?

To Oprah? Dr. Phil? A therapist? A friend equally lost?  A bottle? Workaholism?

So, this little stream of consciousness might read a bit flighty because that's how I'm feeling as of late.  But it all comes full circle to the one who holds me close in times of clarity and times of confusion - and teaches me that the "big picture" is not something I always have to understand up front.  

And I'm happy to rest in Him and not "advise" Him as I am so prone to do.

He is doing fine without my advice and I am learning to be led.

Through little sadnesses . . . and bigger joys . . .

Great Faithfulness

I have been singing a song off on and for the last few days . . . "Great is Thy faithfulness, great is Thy faithfulness, morning by morning new mercies I see. . . all I have needed THY hand hath provided . . . "
And I love contemporary Christian music.  I choose it over hymns on a daily basis but when I see God doing big, God-sized things, it's those old hymns I learned as a child that come bubbling out.

And here is why I am praising . . .


This is the ear of a profoundly hard-of-hearing child in The Philippines. Notice how it does not have a hearing aid inside?

 THIS is the beautiful child who is attached to  the ears that do not have  hearing aids inside but should.  She is standing with my husband on Evaluation Day when he was meeting visually impaired children for The Bartimaeus Project. But her caring staff had hopes that we might help a deaf child, too.

 THESE are the hearing aids donated and paid for by my precious friend and fellow adoptive mom, Martha, her friend Lillian and donors who read about sweet "Ella" and felt moved to help!!!!!! These are also the batteries, cleaning supplies and other needed items to make sure beautiful "Ella" will be able to hear for a long time to come.   GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS!!!!!
This is THOUSANDS of dollars' worth of equipment that came together in the span of 48 hours. Because God's people care and they want to help, if they can just see the need! 

 And this is the little boy that stole my family's heart as we learned he possibly had congenital glaucoma, a seizure disorder and little hope of developing anything close to normal communication.  He is sweet and shy and cooperative with a tentative demeanor.

This is also the very boy that The Bartimaeus Project sent to a pediatric eye doctor with a tinge of sadness only to discover this sweet angel just needs a patching regimen, no surgery and does NOT have glaucoma after all!!! Great is HIS faithfulness!!!!


So we now extend our arms to this little blessing below. She has what appear to be benign tumors on the surface of both eyes. Possibly cysts, and we seek the Lord in prayer for her as we work to get the help to her that will insure she grows up with her eyesight in tact.
Please pray with us that her needs can be met as quickly as the needs of the two beautiful children above.  If she needs surgery, the Bartimaeus Project will stand beside her all the way through.  She is in a wonderful, loving children's home that will make sure she is surrounded by support as her treatment continues.  We all have high hopes that her story will end with perfect vision and a loving family. We can rest in HIS Great Faithfulness as we move forward with helping her.

These blessings are the top three in a deep stack!
Donations continue to come in as our family prepares to move full-time to The Philippines.
Our home repairs are almost complete so we can place our US home on the market.
The peace of God engulfs us as we start selling our worldly goods and making the needed connections abroad.
We have been asked to speak at three different locations in the next month and share the project with Believers!

If you have donated to The Bartimaeus Project, we just can not thank you enough. On behalf of these children and the many others who stand in line for vision services "thank you" is not enough.   I pray that you feel in the depths of your spirit, the magnitude of what our Great and Faithful Father has done and will do through your giving. 

If you are praying about partnering with us, please do it!  I can assure you of two things:
1. Your gifts will benefit the children above, and others like them, for a lifetime.  Children with restored and preserved vision have an exponentially greater chance at being placed in adoptive homes than those who remain visually impaired.
2. When your gifts help us move permanently, we will be even more effective in sharing the good news of Jesus Christ and in getting more children to pediatric eye specialists.  Please help us get there!

To learn more about donating to The Bartimaeus Project, visit our web site at:  www.bartimaeusproject.org
All donations are tax deductible as we are a 501c3 in partnership with The Community Foundation of Carroll County

If you feel God tugging at your heart to do more than give financially, if you want to come spend time with our family in The Philippines after our relocation, let us know!  We can use any extra hands God sends and just the encouragement that comes from time with our brothers and sisters in Christ.  You can bring your children, too!  The Philippines is a visitor-friendly country and you will have access to medical care if needed.
If you have another gift or talent you would like to offer The Bartimaeus Project, we are all ears! We welcome you to come alongside us and get in on what the Lord is doing.  

Thank you for praying. Thank you for giving.  THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING and I have to pinch myself!!!!


GREAT IS THY FAITHFULNESS!!!!!!!

A Trip in Pictures

I have wanted so badly to share all that is going on with my husband and older children on this trip to The Philippines!  There has been awesome ministry, times of rest and relaxation, visits with family and friends and time with our sweet Ariel that all bear sharing.   I want to tell you EVERYTHING, precious readers, but after suffering for 9 days with the flu, my creative genius appears to be on hiatus . . . I am having a hard time  organizing my thoughts into words that might do this trip justice. So I've decided to share "A Trip in Pictures" with you instead.

Please note that due to the Hague regulations, I am not able to share ANY specifics online about the children the team was blessed to work with. I can't share their names or locations online. We have to honor the rules of the Hague for both the safety of the children and the integrity of the project. I know you understand!

Manila traffic is unbelievable, day and night, and deserves a mention!

My family used the jeepney (above) and trike (below) as a way to get around town on this trip...inexpensive and efficient!

A little "chill time" in the hotel was always welcome at the end of a long, hot day.

Lunch with Sharon (back r), Ariel (orange shirt) and friends makes the trip so much fun!

Ariel (Lem's bio brother) skyping with us from the family' hotel room.  Brothers need to stay in touch. For both of them, a lot is at stake in this relationship. Blood ties are so important! 

These little cones are a family tradition! You get to pick five different flavors of mini cone. I don't know why someone in the US hasn't started a business like this! These are so good!

Having his mini cones . . .

This beautiful girl has visual impairment but can track light! She IS light  .  . . so lovely!!!

This sweet boy is shy and cooperative . . .he has partial sight  but such a severely crossed eye.  And the surgery he needs is literally a 30 minutes out patient procedure here in the US. 

The spot on this gorgeous girl's eye will be evaluated by our trustworthy doctor. Please pray that it is benign and cosmetic.  We want so much to be able to deliver good news to her wonderful children's home!

This gorgeous angel is not visually impaired but hearing impaired. Her orphanage staff lovingly brought her to our team asking us to PLEASE find her some hearing aids.  This is not the work we set out to do but who can say "no" to this beautiful girl?  If any reader knows how to get some child-sized hearing aids, we're "all ears" . . . we want so much to help her!!!

This 16 year old boy has cerebral palsy and visual impairment.  He worked SO hard to impress our team with his shape sorting skills, never losing that big smile or that determination.  This child is worth investing in. Yes, he's "older", yes, he's considerably disabled but YES, he is a precious human made in the image of God.  He deserves to have someone cheering him on at even the smallest gain. 

This trip only further ignites the fire in our family that we NEED to relocate as soon as possible!
Please pray for a speedy sale of our home and for the pieces to fall into place.
We are still in need of monthly donors to make this move possible.  Won't you consider donating $25 per month so we can go?    I'm not so good at "asking for stuff" but for these children and the many others who wait in their orphanages for someone to come alongside them, take up their cause and shine a spotlight into the darkness, I'm not afraid to ask.  In fact, it's my honor.

For HIS Fame,

Nikki
The Bartimaeus Project
www.bartimaeusproject.org