My There-You-Are Kids

This post is likely going to be a little disjointed and will most certainly NOT satisfy a reader who has come here looking for a ministry update.

I often struggle with how much to share on the blog. In years past, I would have had no trouble opening my heart and letting the contents spill all over this site.  But right now, today, I am a missionary.   I want to be careful that this adoption/ministry/Mama's heart blog is just as authentic as it ever was but also that it never disparages the ministry under which we serve.

But at this very moment, I have to throw caution to the wind and share something that has happened and my downright unspiritual, self absorbed, childish reaction to it.


If you are an adoptive parent, you may have experienced the unnerving phenomenon known as "love at first sight" with a child.
I have had this happen EVERY time we have adopted.  I would see my boy on the Special Homefinding list  and think "Oh, there he is. That's MY son.   Time to get the paperwork started . . . "

And EVERY TIME, he was ours.   My spirit knows my children.   Even before there are any guarantees.

I never even feared, with our 5 adopted treasures, that they were not mine.  Because they were. They are. Just the same as our two home-grown.

Grandma and Grandpa in The Philippines with us!

And now that we live in this country, where the children hold a unique place in my heart, I fully expected to "fall in love" again.  I was shocked when, as we began to serve in orphanages all around us, that did not happen.  I met child after child and waited for my there-you-are and it didn't happen.

I began to suspect that God was closing the door on our own home to more children and, instead, we would serve MANY and invest in the children here in a different way.  And I was fine with that.   Truly.   A little relieved, actually.

And then, my lightening bolt hit.   At a party we attended for a nearby orphanage.  A child came into the party so very quietly and put his head down at the table.  And not that it matters, but he was a very beautiful child.  I asked his name and age and gave him a craft to work on.   I know my hands were shaking because my there-you-are was in full swing.
I asked a caregiver about him and found out he was part of a small sibling group.  
And in walked younger sibling . . . There-You-Are . . . again.

But even more eerily, after the party, two of my own big kids noticed these children and said they should be ours. Oh, my joy!!!!

Because we serve children with special needs at this location, we visit fairly often. Each time I saw these siblings,  it was confirmed in my heart that they were our kids.  Their names, their faces, their ages . . . perfectly matched to our family. 

In typical "when our family adopts" fashion, I approached my husband.  In typical "my husband" fashion, he was hesitant but willing to pray about it.  Being the provider carries with it innate fears.  I get that.

As hubby began to warm to the thought of these children coming into our home, I worked up the courage to ask their orphanage director if they were available for adoption.  

Her answer wrapped around my heart like a heavy frost . . . ."there is a  family pursuing them now . . . the paperwork is in process . .. etc etc".

This was only yesterday.  But I  am confused.  My There-You-Are has not been wrong before.   This was something I knew just the way I know my own.   I did not WANT to be drawn to these children!  I was not looking to add to our family and I still am not.  I'm open and willing to do whatever the Lord asks of us but am not "cruising" for more sons or daughters.   We have been blessed to overflowing with the ones we have.  Above and beyond.

 I am tossed between being so happy that these children will have a family to being downright jealous that it isn't mine to wondering, still, if they will find their way to us.

Anything can happen in the world of adoption.  Especially as it crosses country lines. Approvals are not a guarantee.

And that's a terrible thing for me to say.  I know.  Please show me grace.

I warned you.   Unspiritual.  Childish. Self-Absorbed.  

But Faithful God in His perfect timing let me hear the news of their impending adoption on a Saturday.
Today is Sunday.

I anticipate I will walk into church still a little sullen and out-of-joint.
And be convicted.
And learn to trust Him more.
And decide to let this one go . . .

New ground for an "experienced" Mama.  Always room to grow and change.
Hard lessons from a loving God. 

A Year in Review

If anyone had told me five years ago that I would be celebrating my 2014 New Year's Eve at my own house in The Philippines, I would have told him he was crazy AND that it's not nice to give false hope.


And yet, I did.


At the beginning of 2013, we were just starting to make preparations to sell most of our worldly goods and head over here to The Philippines in service of orphans and the poor.   Just like in most  scenarios, we had no REAL idea of what we were embarking on.

We were just grateful all of our children were supportive, our extended families were warming up to the notion and we had a loosely outlined plan for ministry.


But when we arrived here in July 10th, 2013, everything looked so much different than we expected.   You've all heard the expression "the devil is in the details".   Well, we took TWO vans from the airport to our new home, unlocked the door and had a nice little dose of reality.

The house was dirty from sitting empty for so long.  We did not have one stick of furniture, one plate or cup or even water we could safely drink.


We locked the house back up, got onto a jeepney (public transportation) and headed to the grocery store.  We bought water, noodles, a hot pot and some plastic dishes.  We came back to the house and slept on snuggies with our suitcases as pillows.


And I was utterly content . . . home,  and where I was meant to be. . .

Fast forward just six months.   We are serving children in our center weekly, have sponsored a major surgery, doctor visits and eye glasses for needy children.  We have been able to support and work in cooperation with several other local ministries in service of children and teens.  

We have hosted several people interested in Philippine missions and conducted a neighborhood health screening clinic, all  when we, ourselves, are still learning the ropes.

One of our family members visiting and playing with some local children at an orphanage

God took us from sleeping-on-our-suitcases to digging in deep in a very VERY short time.   We are blessed, humbled and in awe of Him using us, flaws and all. 

BEFORE

AFTER

We eagerly await 2014.  We ask him to keep us close to Him so we hear His voice when needs arise.  We are dreaming BIG for 2014. My prayer is that, when I look back on this blog entry in 12 months time:
1. We are directing a Special Needs orphanage
2. We have added to our own family through adoption
3. We have helped at least 10 additional children have surgery to save or restore vision
4. We can rest and relax in terms of fund raising because others have come forward to handle that aspect of the ministry in a huge way
5.  We have prayed with many to receive Christ and been able to disciple others
6. Our whole family is serving boldly, walking in the truth and being lights for him.

That list looks "too big" for one family, for one year and for one ministry, huh?  We know that.   We understand that with US, all of this is impossible but HE does more than we ask or imagine.

So in 2014, we are asking and imagining and looking forward to infinitely more.

Because He IS ABLE.

Lunch with Children's Garden

Our 19 year old has moved here to CG to serve and we love to come visit and enjoy the boys who find refuge there

A Trip in Pictures

I have wanted so badly to share all that is going on with my husband and older children on this trip to The Philippines!  There has been awesome ministry, times of rest and relaxation, visits with family and friends and time with our sweet Ariel that all bear sharing.   I want to tell you EVERYTHING, precious readers, but after suffering for 9 days with the flu, my creative genius appears to be on hiatus . . . I am having a hard time  organizing my thoughts into words that might do this trip justice. So I've decided to share "A Trip in Pictures" with you instead.

Please note that due to the Hague regulations, I am not able to share ANY specifics online about the children the team was blessed to work with. I can't share their names or locations online. We have to honor the rules of the Hague for both the safety of the children and the integrity of the project. I know you understand!

Manila traffic is unbelievable, day and night, and deserves a mention!

My family used the jeepney (above) and trike (below) as a way to get around town on this trip...inexpensive and efficient!

A little "chill time" in the hotel was always welcome at the end of a long, hot day.

Lunch with Sharon (back r), Ariel (orange shirt) and friends makes the trip so much fun!

Ariel (Lem's bio brother) skyping with us from the family' hotel room.  Brothers need to stay in touch. For both of them, a lot is at stake in this relationship. Blood ties are so important! 

These little cones are a family tradition! You get to pick five different flavors of mini cone. I don't know why someone in the US hasn't started a business like this! These are so good!

Having his mini cones . . .

This beautiful girl has visual impairment but can track light! She IS light  .  . . so lovely!!!

This sweet boy is shy and cooperative . . .he has partial sight  but such a severely crossed eye.  And the surgery he needs is literally a 30 minutes out patient procedure here in the US. 

The spot on this gorgeous girl's eye will be evaluated by our trustworthy doctor. Please pray that it is benign and cosmetic.  We want so much to be able to deliver good news to her wonderful children's home!

This gorgeous angel is not visually impaired but hearing impaired. Her orphanage staff lovingly brought her to our team asking us to PLEASE find her some hearing aids.  This is not the work we set out to do but who can say "no" to this beautiful girl?  If any reader knows how to get some child-sized hearing aids, we're "all ears" . . . we want so much to help her!!!

This 16 year old boy has cerebral palsy and visual impairment.  He worked SO hard to impress our team with his shape sorting skills, never losing that big smile or that determination.  This child is worth investing in. Yes, he's "older", yes, he's considerably disabled but YES, he is a precious human made in the image of God.  He deserves to have someone cheering him on at even the smallest gain. 

This trip only further ignites the fire in our family that we NEED to relocate as soon as possible!
Please pray for a speedy sale of our home and for the pieces to fall into place.
We are still in need of monthly donors to make this move possible.  Won't you consider donating $25 per month so we can go?    I'm not so good at "asking for stuff" but for these children and the many others who wait in their orphanages for someone to come alongside them, take up their cause and shine a spotlight into the darkness, I'm not afraid to ask.  In fact, it's my honor.

For HIS Fame,

Nikki
The Bartimaeus Project
www.bartimaeusproject.org