ONE YEAR

Today, July 7th, 2012 marks one year since I waited nervously on the jetway.
One year since 30 of our friends and family members gathered in anticipation.
One year since I had to learn to answer "six" when asked how many children I have.

Our precious Francis has been home ONE YEAR today!

When I remember the early weeks of his homecoming, it is with fondness and maybe a little shudder of gratefulness that we are HERE instead of THERE.

I recall those early weeks where I was his complete link to the USA. Every task I set out to do, no matter how mundane, he wanted to be a part of. From making a bank deposit to getting groceries, Francis was always by my side asking questions. He wanted to know how everything worked here. He was absorbing life in the US at warp speed.

He wanted to know how much everything cost and then would quickly produce his calculator to convert that number to Philippine Pesos . . . and then he would gasp at the sheer expense of everything from a value meal to a pair of shoes.

He took perfect care of all of his belongings and was quick to help around the house with any chore anyone was doing.

And then he started to work for his dad and earn his own money . . . and NEVER spent a dime! He hid it in his room (although I always knew just where) and counted it again and again, converting it to pesos and remarking how shocked his friends back home would be at his "stash". We stayed up late watching action movies together after everyone else went to bed. I watched a lot of shooting and explosions...I was happy to.

He facebooked The Philippines for hours each day. He ached for those friends and caregivers in a way that was so hard to watch and, although a necessary part of starting a new life, something I wanted to ease and could not.

But time went on.

He began to say "no thanks" when I offered to take him with me to the store or the post office. He began to spend a little money on going to the movies with siblings. He joined his basketball team and found confidence in his English speaking and social skills. He started to get invited over to friend's houses.

He made a lot of baskets at his games and won the respect of the other players.

His comfort level in every situation multiplied and you could visibly see him being grafted into this life and this family.

And it's been a pleasure to watch and a gift.

He is ours and we are his. A little more each day. Just when I think we've reached total immersion, we get closer. The good and the bad experiences are the glue. We welcome both. But the good outnumber the bad at least 100 to 1.

God has done us a great kindness in making Francis our son.
Right on time.

Happy ONE YEAR HOME, precious boy . . . you are a jewel in our crown.

Who Are "The Least of These"?

I am aware of the fact that the header pictures I've chosen lately for this blog are unsettling. It is not my intention to heap "affluent guilt" on my readers. We are infinitely blessed in this country. We don't deserve the good things lavished on us, which is why they are called "blessings". The fact that we can feed, clothe, educate and provide medicine for our children when countless families around the world can not is NOT a source of "guilt" for me and I hope it isn't for you.

It's a source of gratefulness.

I became keenly aware, during the surgery of our little son who has Down Syndrome, that were it not for our citizenship, I would likely not be the adoptive mother of this angel. I would not be the one to hold him as he comes out of anesthesia and feed him that first popsicle. I could just as easily have been the heartbroken mother surrendering him for adoption after finding out my baby has a heart defect and knowing, deep down, that I can not afford the cost of his care.

I was aware when my beautiful daughter had strep throat recently and the copay on her penicillin was only FIVE DOLLARS, that I am among the most blessed of women. I think of these blessings each evening when my family gathers at our dinner table and eats a balanced dinner. I pray the Lord never lets me grow cold to this knowledge. It keeps me humble. It keeps me praising Him for even the small things, like turning on the faucet and enjoying a warm shower.

God's word is clear, though "to whom much has been given, much is required" (Luke 12:48).

It is imperative for those of us who are so outlandishly blessed to be ever-vigilant for opportunities to GIVE - time, money, a listening ear, a hug, encouragement, a soft place for someone who's life is hard, our prayers- whatever God has impressed upon us to give.

And we don't do it with an eye on the return. Sometimes the return is infinitesimal to our human eyes. We do it out of love for a Heavenly Father who gave us all things, even his own precious son. We do it to obey him and to imitate him. We do it because it's all we CAN do that is of value during this short time we have here on Earth. We do it because we long for the name "Christian" to stir up images of people who love to give, who go out on a limb for others - even those who are not EXACTLY LIKE THEM- images of a people who's faith is authentic. People they might even want to be like???? Can you imagine? How rare and glorious!

I want to say "THANK YOU" to those in my own life who are teaching me to live out my faith just by watching them live out theirs. THANK YOU, my friends, who have given sacrificially but counted it all joy! THANK YOU, to those who are the hands and feet of Jesus to those who are hurting in this world. I'm sure you know who you are as you read this but are far too humble to even think "I'll bet she's talking about me" - ha ha! It is your graciousness in being poured out for the sake of the gospel that makes me want to GIVE MORE, DO MORE and BE MORE...

THANK YOU

The Importance of "Four"

November 7th marks four months that Francis has been a part of our family. Four months sounds like such a very short time when I think of how long it took to do the paperwork for his adoption. Four months sounds like a short time when I think of how long it takes to grow a baby "the old fashioned way" or how much time a couple has been married . . . JUST FOUR MONTHS?
But as I ponder all that has taken place in our home in the four short months that Francis has been ours, it feels like a lifetime has passed. From those earliest weeks where we didn't really know each other but worked through the mother/son role to the time it took me to figure out some of his quirks, until now, it seems a million years have passed. I know him so well in JUST FOUR MONTHS. I can list all his favorite foods, I know how much money he's hiding in his special hiding place in his room, I know the tactics he uses to try and wiggle out of school work and I know his past. From long, sometimes sad but often happy hours of listening, I know that, too. The privilege of getting to know this particular person is not lost on me for a moment. He is so special and capable and has limitless potential. He truly can be ANYTHING he wants in this life. God has gifted him in so many ways. Our family is richer for having him in it.
There's so much I wish I could say but I hope readers understand why I have to resist. Some people you share with the world and others, you just keep close and give little peeks. Just trust me when I say that God DOES give good gifts to His children. Amazing, precious, hilarious, perfect-for-us gifts . . .

One Day At a Time

Although the picture above doesn't show it, Francis is having a bit of a tough time right now.  He's leaving behind an amazing group of caregivers, a school full of friends and a church that he loves. All of these have been in his life for the last ten years, almost to the day.   I knew it would be hard for him.  I also know that God is faithful and weaving together a beautiful portrait of  loss and reclaiming, of giving up something to gain something else.    I do ask for prayer for our precious son.   I am asking the Lord to be merciful and let this grief be short-lived.  I am praying that God gives peace and comfort even in the midst of the sadness.
I just finished a skype with my family and already am seeing improvement in his countenance.  Yesterday, it was so hard to even see him on the camera because I could read him like a book. Just devastated. Today, this morning, I talked to everyone as they were waking up and saw some smiles and even a little joy peeking back in.   I'm not naive enough to think that a smiling face means a heart is healed. That will take time, patience, prayer and many reminders about God's sovereign plan.   I've had to be reminded over the last couple of days.  I've had to revisit our original calling and pray through my own doubts. I needed to reconfirm that the sadness he is going through is not because of my own selfish desire to adopt but because the Lord ordained it and He will supervise every thought and tear.    I end this post by asking the question I have asked in countless blog posts.  How do people without Christ survive?  How are they not paralyzed with fear at such life altering decisions?   How would we be able to bring another person into such drastic life changes if we didn't know that the Creator of the Universe had predestined it?  There's just no way.

Amazing Day

Apparently while those of us in the US were sleeping last night, Anthony and the teens were zip lining near the Taal Volcano!  They got a chance to drive by Francis' preschool, elementary and high schools as well.  I'm so grateful for the time they are spending at Samaritan's Place and the chance they have to be a part of Francis' day to day life.   I'm even more thankful for a husband who is an excellent photographer and for the laptop computer that connects me to these people I love so much!

In front of the Taal Volcano

Aaron and Elliana getting ready to "take off"

soaring above the trees

Francis was a lot more hesitant to try this than the others but he faced his fear!!!!

The COUNTDOWN

In a few short days, three of the people I love most in this world will board an airplane and make their way, ever-so-slowly to The Philippines.  Right now, the greater Manila area is drenched in flood waters from tropical storm "Falcon".   I just finished reading an article and watching a news broadcast (in Tagalog but I got the gist) about the evacuations, missing children, lost fishermen and impassable roadways.  I am afraid.
The excitement of finally meeting my new son in person is tempered with the realization that the conditions where he lives are not the best right now.
I am keeping this post short and asking for every reader to pray for my family.  Please ask the Lord to deliver them safely to Manila and safely back to me again.     Thank you so very much!
For His Fame,
Nikki

Finishing Well

Before I share an update on our adoption, I have to say, the Pacquiao fight was pretty good but could have been better. It only got exciting in the last two rounds (12 round fight) when, after being pushed to the ground by his opponent but being accused of being KNOCKED DOWN, Manny decided to stop being so nice and start seriously swinging!!   Enough of my guilty pleasure and on to more important matters . . . our adoption!

About a week ago, we received our letter from the National Visa Center letting us know that the cable has been sent to the US Embassy in Manila alerting them of our approval.  I, of course, called the US Embassy as soon as possible and was told by the officer that our paperwork has been sent on the ICAB for processing.  As of today, I believe that is where the paperwork sits.  ICAB (Inter Country Adoption Board) has to fill out some portion of the paperwork, send it back the Embassy and schedule Francis' visa interview appointment. 
We are most definitely in the home stretch but this is also an unpredictable time. If the Embassy is fairly booked, he may not get an interview appointment for several weeks. If the ICAB is back logged, they may not get his paperwork filled out for several weeks.  I know all of these things will come to pass but I just can't say when.
Realistically, I think we are looking at an end-of-June to first-week-of-July travel date.   Francis will be with us about a month and a half before his sixteenth birthday.  It's what I prayed for. I wanted the Lord to let him turn sixteen here, with us. 

I ask for continued prayer for the last of this process.  I have complete faith that God will allow everything to come to completion.   He began this good thing and He is faithful to see it through!  Praise His holy, matchless, perfect name!

Has He Spoken?

I am sad and yet resigned as I type this entry . . . the friends who so generously agreed to pay for our adoption of the older child in The Philippines are no longer able to do so. It is through NO fault of their own, honestly! I wish I could share all the details and it would be plain to see that our friends truly intended to take care of this adoption. We are not sure what this means for us or for the young man who waits, in his final year of availability, for a family to call him their own.
Should I begin to advocate for him in the online adoption community? Certainly anyone reading his file would love to have such a teen as a son. Should we wait on the Lord to provide another way or has God spoken and this adoption is not to be? I just can't fathom it!
Please pray. More than anything, I want this young man to have a chance to live and grow up in a family.

Knowing You

"But whatever gain I had, I count it all as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Philippians 3:7-8

Once again, God has done it and I'm not even surprised! He has raised up the finances for another adoption!!!!!! He has laid it on the heart of a dear friend and fellow Believer to help us bring our almost 15-year-old son to the United States! I am thrilled and humbled. We will formally begin the process the last week of August!
I know Philippians 3:7-8 seems an odd scripture choice to pair with such wonderful news and yet, I see the relevance as clearly as if I were reading a commentary on the passage.
Adopting again is marvelous! Being blessed with a huge sum of money by someone we already love and respect is miraculous! Bringing a young man to the states just as his hope and time are waning is beyond glorious but knowing Christ is the reward.
For our family, adopting children is the vehicle He uses to show Himself to us and
I am so glad it is!
Thank you, Jesus for the far-reaching effects of your goodness! Your faithfulness and greatness are endless and your mercy is new every morning. Thank you for letting us know you.

Go Away!

Life at the "Esquivel Compound" has finally settled into a wonderful summer "routine".
We are finished homeschooling until early August (except my sweet 8 year old who needs to do a little something each day to keep his phonics and math skills in check). The sprinkler is attached to the hose in the backyard and ready for the kids' daily "run through" and I have taken to making a gallon of sweet tea every two days as my teens drink it instead of water all day long (terrible, I know). We watch a movie together most evenings (the latest fine piece of cinematography being "Monsters vs Aliens") and
there are no lesson plans to write, papers to grade or co-ops to rush off to.
I am absolutely loving this time of year. It's hot and humid and practically every day is capped off by an evening thunderstorm or rain shower.
In spite of all the joy, I have little peace. I committed the cardinal sin of reading through Christian Adoption Service's latest list of waiting children. Those of you who know me at all know exactly where this post is headed . . . yes, I am hopelessly in love with a child on the list. I have his file. I know it by heart. He is older (almost 15) and had a very rough start in life. He is in a Christian orphanage, loves Jesus, plays music, sings and even has an "emo" haircut like my oldest son. He ages out in one year and will be unadoptable.
The Philippines has strict rules about adoptions. A family must wait one year between adoptions and Ezekiel has only been home three months. We can not even apply to adopt for about nine more months. Additionally, we can not afford another adoption right now and my husband is not on board at this point. In light of the disappointment regarding Ariel, maybe this is just backlash and simply a shadow in my mind but, I don't think so. I know this feeling well. It is the fourth time I have felt this way about a child. The first three times resulted in Kyle, Lemuel and Ezekiel - my hard won treasures from across the ocean. Once again, God will have to make a miracle but if He wants it to happen, He'll do it. If not, I pray this ache will go away. It hurts.