The Healing Place

Finding an alternate placement for our struggling son has been put on hold.

Are we still tired? Yes
Are we still weary and battle worn? Absolutely!
Is this spiritual warfare? Sure. Of the most difficult type.

My post about "Hating Holland" was written after a particularly rough stretch with this child. A cluster of lying and sneaking coupled with some other issues and topped off with the "cherry" of my own need to depend more fully on God for my "daily bread".

I'm just human and
The Enemy is sneaky and cruel.
1 Peter 5:8
"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."

His aim is destruction and his target is any Believer that might make an impact for the kingdom of God.

I want our home to scare him.
I want our family to be a "healing place" for wounded children.

In order for that to happen, I must be on guard or BE ALERT as 1 Peter says.
Being alert, for me involves:
Starting each day with prayer and asking the Lord to let me see the schemes of the enemy for what they are
Keeping my thoughts in check and not allowing them to get into a negative cycle toward this particular child, or anyone in my home
Having our calling and vision in the forefront of my mind as I tackle each day

Our calling. Our vision.
To minister to the fatherless in the most direct way possible. To take the steps needed for them to NOT be fatherless. To make a lasting commitment to children who have not known permanency.

It's so difficult sometimes.
It's so joyous at other times.
Just when the "difficult" seems too much to handle, the "joyous" often peeks in and reminds us why we love this calling. Why we have run headlong to embrace it four times over. Why I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Yes, I would.

I would gladly receive another child into this family if that is what God has planned for us.

I have to trust that my Sovereign Father, who does all things for our good and His own glory will never lead our family into harm's way.
But sometimes I wander there on my own. And He lovingly draws me back, sometimes through painful correction and other times through gentle nudges.
I prefer the nudges.
This month I have endured some painful correction.

Lord,
Make this home a healing place.
Let light and life fill it.
May every child who enters here know he is loved and wanted.
May each person feel accepted and adored.
Let us be YOUR hands and feet to guide, correct, shape and comfort those
entrusted to us.
And let us not grow weary in doing good.
For YOUR Great Fame,
Nikki

Never Sure

I have been actively blogging for about two years now. The original intent of my blog was to allow friends, family and any interested folks to follow the adoption journey of our precious Ezekiel. The blog is aptly named.
At times of great joy or distress, I have branched out and blogged about other subjects. I also follow my stats and have found the blog entries that receive exponentially more hits than any others are those centering around our 13 year old son who has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder. The posts receiving literally thousands of views were the following:
Adoption Disruption, The Down and Dirty
Lemuel's Story, Part 2
Bonding: The Flap and the Facts

I believe there is an unmet need in the adoption community for parents of difficult children to speak out in truth. Many hide in shame. Many blame themselves for not being able to "bond properly". Many are worried about the "I Told You So's" that will come their way. I have worried about those things, too. They are real.

What I am most worried about right now is that I have made myself out to be a liar. I have said countless times in the posts referenced above that Lem is "ours forever" and that he's "home for good" and yet, today, I don't know if I can keep to that. No, he has not been violent or sexually acted out with anyone but the constant lying is wearing me down in a way that I have never experienced. The lies are small and silly in terms of subject matter but they are intentional, ugly and calculated at the same time.

I'm never sure HOW much to share on this blog. I think it's unfair to speak cryptically and in generalities when I know there are families hungry for kinship in this difficult struggle. So I will use plain speak. Lem has lied several times in the last couple of days, and ALWAYS in the evening after a good day of family time together. He is sabotaging himself yet again.

A few nights ago, we all went to a basketball game. Lem was unusually loving to all of us and his efforts were met with great success. After the game, we went to a sandwich shop connected to a gas station (very classy joint - ha ha) and my sons went to the gas station area to buy some candy. Upon return to the table, a younger sibling says "Kuya Lem was breaking candy bars and putting them back on the shelf". Lem quickly pipes up "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT". The younger sibling replies "you went like this" and does a snapping motion with his hand "and you said 'ha ha ha' and you did it lots of times to lots of candy". Lem wilted. "Well, the FIRST candy bar was an accident". We leave immediately. I talk to him on the way home about trustworthiness, about being the same person whether you're being watched by mom and dad or not, etc. etc. etc. I feel like Charlie Brown's teacher . . wah wah wha wha . .. because I have said these things before. We have punished, spanked, grounded, prayed, talked, copied scripture, talked and talked and talked . . . my heart hurts. I want him to evaporate so the rest of us can be happy. Ouch.
The next morning, hubby takes Lem back to the gas station to pick out the amount of candy he believes he ruined and make him pay for it. There was NINE DOLLARS worth of chocolate in his basket. NINE DOLLARS worth of "accidents" . . .yeah, right. Lem paid for the candy and then had to tell the cashier what he had done and leave the bag of candy there for the cashier to give to whomever she thinks might want it. They came home and he sulked but he was in his familiar "cozy" place, the dog house. He was far, in heart and spirit, from the chattering, bustling, fun loving family. He chose to be alone in his room and flog himself for the rest of the day. Fine with me. Perfect, in fact.
Yesterday's lie revolved around him hurting Ezekiel "accidentally" and then, having no idea why the baby was crying. Luckily, he's part of this big family and privacy is as scarce as hen's teeth. The whole incident was witnessed by one of my perfectly trustworthy children who came forth with the truth. Lem did not deny it when confronted but simply said "oh, I didn't feel it". I think a trip to the neurologist is in order to have those synapses checked. He is losing feeling in his extremities, apparently. This,too, happened at the end of a GREAT family day. We cleaned out the shed as a family. We put up the old tent in the backyard and the kids played in it for hours. We even let him watch Ezekiel for about ten minutes when I went in to cook lunch. He was given a bit of trust (yes, I cooked right near the kitchen window but, in THEORY, he was being trusted). He just had to end this yucky closeness and get back to the cozy isolation so he made sure, at 9pm, to end the night with a "bang". I sent him to bed with a very succinct warning about Ezekiel. I confirmed that if he really wants to ruin the rest of his natural life, he will hurt that baby again. I told him using someone who can't talk or understand is shameful. He began to cry. A good sign. There's something rattling around in there. But is it enough? Is there even a baby sprout of conscience that makes all of this family focus worth it? I don't know. I used to think "YES" but now I think "hmmmm?". These seemingly small incidents happen many times each week. Behind closed doors, my husband and I have adjusted a lawyer joke to fit our family.
Me: How can we tell if Lem is lying?
Hubby: Because his lips are moving . . . (cue two drum beats and a cymbal)

I am a huge music lover and there is one song I have listened to dozens of times this week. It is "I Will Not Be Moved" by Natalie Grant. She sings of steadfast devotion to God that can not be shaken by circumstances. I want to have that same devotion. First to my Savior but also to this broken child. I just don't know if I can hang on much longer.
Maybe this whole post is just the result of a couple of hard back-to-back days and I will be back to my positive, hopeful self after church tomorrow. Church always helps. But this time is different. I feel "done". Please forgive me, readers, if the shine has fallen completely off and you feel like giving up, too. It is always my intention to encourage with my posts. I hope to be able to post in a few days that all is well but this time around, I'm just not sure . . .

Days Like This

Thursday is the one day each week that our family most closely resembles the "average American family". I have to pack lunches, wake up sleepy teens, prepare a lesson and get the kids to their classes while I teach mine. Our homeschool co-op meets on Thursdays. My children are blessed to have access to classes like Dave Ramsey's Finance for Teens, Chemistry, Bible, Literature and Composition, Insect Study and Grammar Games. I am grateful for the courses that enhance our homeschooling and for the expertise and willingness of my fellow homeschooling parents that is shared so generously with my children. After co-op is when the day got a little "testy" . . .
One of our sons had his final football practice, another son had a basketball practice. Dear Hubby had to go in to work late for an after-hours computer issue while daughter needed to be picked up from Chemistry. Oldest son has a REAL job at the mall and so I needed to get his schedule before including him in my web of transportation drama.
Oh. And I had PROMISED Francis a haircut before I realized what day it was. I was not going to break a promise to our newest family member just when the trust was flowing freely. No Way.
Human cloning was sounding pretty good by about 3:30 pm. I needed another "me" only with more energy and no personal opinions.
I arrived home after my final chauffeuring gig, feeling fairly smug that the drop off/pick up schedule had been accomplished with none of my posterity stranded or even texting the dreaded "wher RU? We R dun". I even got him the haircut. It's a faux hawk. He looks adorable-er.
It was then I noticed it. The five pound "chub" of hamburger in my drainboard! I took it out before lovingly constructing 5 sack lunches early in the morning. I had BIG PLANS for that log of bacteria-infested cow flesh! It was going to be a beautiful rice casserole with golden brown cheddar cheese on top. It was going to evoke "oohs" and "aahs" from the family and I was going to shake my head gently with closed eyes and say "oh, it was no big deal. Eat up".
That never happened.
My first and third oldest saw my eyes dart from the meat to their faces and back again.
"I'll make omelets" said my oldest son, who didn't have to work at the mall after all.
"I'll help" said Ms. Third-in-Command.
"Thank you" I said sheepishly. "I"ll put some rice on" (we can't have a meal without rice in this Filipino-run household).
I settled for a bowl of oatmeal while my children fed one another.
The thankfulness that washed over me was the kind that I don't often experience. It was sheer gratitude that only ONE DAY per week is this demanding. It was appreciation for the bail out my children offered me. It was my willingness to lay down the cape and accept help from those who I knew were not judging me. They were just helping because, hey, it's THEIR family, too.
Mama said there'd be days like this!

I Just Can't Do It All!!!!!

I am sorry. I am ashamed of myself. I am in over my head by at least a mile! While riding in the car with my family yesterday, it dawned on me that a friend reached out to me with a bitterly distressed email and I NEVER ANSWERED HER! I read her plea for prayers and knew how hard it must have been for her to pour her heart out to me and I NEVER REPLIED! I am horrified! I vividly remember thinking after reading her note that I needed to give it the proper time and attention and I would respond when I had a little more time to pray and think.
I am not a blackberry user and from within my Astro Van, I had no way of rectifying this situation. I worried the whole way home from our family trip to the fair.
After our family outing, I headed into the house to first apologize to and then reply to my hurting friend. It was then that I noticed the message light on the answering machine blinking. I hit the button and listened to three new and four old messages. Two of the old messages were from people who needed my attention promptly. If two days later qualifies as "promptly", I guessed I was still in the clear. But it doesn't.
I decided to do damage control regarding those messages later and to attend to my friend's email. When I pulled up my email account, I noticed seven new people are "following my boards on Pinterest". . . . I have only been on Pinterest once and I couldn't exactly get the hang of it. I felt guilty that I needed to either delete my Pinterest account or snazz it up and make it worth following.
My sweet 11 year old niece has tried to skype with me at least a dozen times in the last two weeks. She leaves me the cutest notes on my skype account, complete with little hearts and kisses. I love her. I want to talk to her but I can't seem to milk five minutes from my crazy life to do that.
I am writing this blog post for two reasons. First, to ask for forgiveness publicly from those I have unwittingly (or maybe "wittingly") ignored lately. Second, to tell those family members who have made comments about my needing to "stop biting off more than I can chew" that you are sort of right but a little wrong as well.
We're still in a state of transition and I am trying too soon to jump back into full swing.
As we settle into our "new normal" over here as a family that has gained two children in less than two years, I am still learning. I am learning that everything takes a little longer now than it used to. Everything is on a slightly bigger scale and, as much as I truly love having one on one time with my family members, it is harder to come by as we grow. Amidst trying to do right by my husband and children, serving the Lord in the adoption community and eeking out a tiny bit of time for reading or friends, I have let things slide - some in unforgivable ways. I want to do better but for me, doing better has to mean doing less. My walk with Christ has to come first. If I don't spend time with Him every day - sometimes a LOT of time, I am not the kind of person anyone would share her heart with, in an email or otherwise. Second place goes to my family. Spending time with and taking care of them gives me joy that I have found nowhere else. Having dinner together or playing games (like the big candy hunt we had tonight in lieu of trick or treating) is always restful for my spirit, even when it's noisy and chaotic in my home. Third is the ministry God has given me. The ministry that makes my heart go "thump thump" is anything related to adoption - from praying over files of waiting children to talking to families struggling with a tough placement. I am truly charged up and revived in that role! All the rest, when I can find time for it, is icing on the big, messy cake that my life has turned into.
I have come to realize that "catching up on things" may never happen. I may just have to "start over" with better priorities and pray that anyone I have offended by not being available will show me some grace. So, I erased the answering machine, deleted my Pinterest account, left my niece a message on HER skype wall and canceled a meeting I was supposed to facilitate.
I'm all done overestimating my importance. The world still turns without my direct involvement and that is such a freeing revelation. I can say it loud and proud . . . . . I JUST CAN'T DO IT ALL . . . and I was never meant to.

But Who's Counting?

I want to tell you a little bit about one of my best friends. Those of you who know me in "real life" probably know her, too. Her name is Thea and she and her husband have nine beautiful biological children with another on the way! Thea helped me lay down my fear of having a large family just by letting me get to know hers - the good, the bad and the messy (ha ha)- she reminds me often that God decides who comes to our table and HIS decisions are always right . . . I need to hear that from time to time.
Recently Thea and Steve read the book "Radical" by David Platt. She and I spent many hours talking about our own lives and ways that we might live more radically for Jesus. Thea has had a heart for adoption for a long time but her calling became even more clear through study of God's word and His mandate for us to truly abandon ourselves to Him . . .no matter how "far out" his path for our lives may look to the rest of the world. So, as crazy as it seems, God called this VERY large family to grow even larger through the miracle of adoption. After much prayer and soul searching, the family decided to request a match with two beautiful brothers from Ethiopia! They ARE beautiful, too. I've seen pictures and video that make me wish I had seen them first . . . but, no, they are destined to be Thea's and the Lord has made it plain.
The family is in the throes of raising money for their adoption. Their precious children have made some incredible stationary and survival bracelets (long pieces of rope that are braided into pretty bracelets but can be unwound and used to save you if you find yourself in a "Bear Grylls" situation sans the years of training).
You can check the bracelets out at www.fromgodstummy.blogspot.com
It's a truly novel idea. I'm getting a purple one!
Another way you can help this family is to come to our local Chic-fil-a restaurant at Cary Towne Center on October 25th from 5-8pm, order some dinner and tell the cashier that you are there to support the adoption fundraiser. Chic-fil-a will donate 20% of your meal purchase price to the family's adoption fund. We had this very same fund raiser for Francis' adoption and it was SO much fun and so very successful!!!!
Finally, the most tangible way you can help my friends is to pray for them. During the adoption process, families tend to face grueling spiritual attacks. There is money stress, extended family's dissension, doubt of hearing God's calling correctly . . oh, you name it! Adoption is hard and wonderful at the same time. Please pray that my friends have a lot more "wonderful" than "hard".

Real Vs. Reality

In the last five or six days, I have taken my seat at this very table and started various blog posts only to delete and never publish them. As every blogger knows, it is crucial to be patently honest in your blogging but there is also a little restraint that sits in the heart while typing. I want so much to be honest and encourage families in their pursuit of adoption or in their walks with Christ! Here is where my dilemma truly lies. Adoption can be so difficult. Teen adoption is notoriously laden with land mines and many such adoptions are unsuccessful. I have done some research and found that between 38% and 75% of adoptions disrupt when the child is over 12 years old at the time of placement. The huge disparity in the numbers seems to be related to the definition of "disruption" - some adoptions are considered "disrupted" when parents retain legal custody but place their child in a group home or alternate care setting. Anyway, I digress . . . My dilemma lies in sharing the reality of our own experience with adopting a teen (which has been absolutely WONDERFUL thus far!) while communicating that our experience is NOT typical. I know the written word carries much weight. I have received countless emails over the course of my time as a blogger that have thanked me for help, teaching, guidance or transparency and it is so humbling. I don't mean to overstate my influence but I certainly do not want a family to believe that adoption is an easy road or that there is any formula for success that I have somehow tapped into. There isn't. It is only by the grace of God that our newest family member has meshed in so easily and is doing so well. It is also by God's grace that we did not disrupt the adoption of our now 13 year old son when he came to us at eight.
It is because of His sovereignty that we have added four precious sons to this family when, in reality, we didn't always know what we were getting into!
The only thing that is "real" and I know to be 100% true is that the God of the universe does what He sees fit when He decides to do it. I know that even when the road to adoption is bumpy and we feel hopeless, He has it all under His watchful eye. I know for a fact that I have grown more in my faith with each adoption and that the hardest adoption has also been the most rewarding spiritually. That is what I know to be true. THAT, is the reality of taking big leaps with the safety net of a sovereign God beneath us the whole time. The reality? We have risked little. We have gained much.

"Normal" Is Heaven!

With almost two weeks home and the jet lag considerably reduced, we are crossing into familiar terrain that most people would call "normal life".  The kids are ALL doing their chores again (thank the Lord . . . I really needed the help!) and their own laundry again (double "thank the Lord").  Francis has had no problem falling right into the routine and taking on any responsibility given to him. Even better, he takes it on with a good attitude and a willing spirit!   You can't ask for much more than that . . .
On Friday we took the family to the beach for the day.  I could tell Francis was a little hesitant about this trip and not too excited.  I asked him if everything was okay and he brought up the fact that he doesn't exactly swim.   I tried to offer encouragement and give him several options of things to do at the beach besides swim.  When we finally got to the beach, it was a "red flag" day and due to strong currents, beach goers were not allowed to venture into the water any deeper than their waists!  Just one little example of God taking care of a potentially awkward situation and keeping everyone in the same boat.  I loved it!
Today we all went to see the final Harry Potter movie and then Dad took Francis and Lemuel to the YMCA to play some basketball.  I'm sure when they get home they'll want to watch "Naruto" or some karate movie on Nexfiix before bed and eat the last 6 chocolate chip cookies in the tupperware.
I just  LOVE LOVE LOVE describing the normal events going on over here because each one is made more precious with Francis home.  I dreamed about having him home and in our "normal" family doing "normal" things for almost a year and finally - it's happening!    No drama.  No behavior "issues". No sibling jealousy (well, maybe a tad but that will be saved for another post).  No major adjustment problems.  Just us living life and seeking to please the Lord in the little things while looking for His guiding hand in the big things.
Miraculously normal!

Lemuel and Francis bury Elliana

Lem and Ezekiel

Ezekiel and The Kuya

Francis, Lem and Elliana with their boogie boards

Amazing Day

Apparently while those of us in the US were sleeping last night, Anthony and the teens were zip lining near the Taal Volcano!  They got a chance to drive by Francis' preschool, elementary and high schools as well.  I'm so grateful for the time they are spending at Samaritan's Place and the chance they have to be a part of Francis' day to day life.   I'm even more thankful for a husband who is an excellent photographer and for the laptop computer that connects me to these people I love so much!

In front of the Taal Volcano

Aaron and Elliana getting ready to "take off"

soaring above the trees

Francis was a lot more hesitant to try this than the others but he faced his fear!!!!

Utterly Dependent

The title of this post may very well make a reader believe it's going to be deep. Spiritual. A discussion of our helplessness without the Lord.   Nope. This post is about my internet!  
My husband and two precious teenagers are now in Manila and in just a few hours they will meet Francis in person for the first time!!!!!!   Our family of seven becomes a family of eight in just six hours or so!  How blessed I am! Also, how neurotic! 
If I had decided to sit down and post yesterday, the post would have had a very different tone. Exasperated. Upset. Despondent.  Ungrateful.  Our internet has been down for three days due to some severe storm activity.
I called to get help from our company only to find that no technician was available for FIVE WHOLE DAYS. 
Normally that would not be a big deal. I may have even welcomed the "outage" as a chance to get back to playing board games with the kids or cleaning out some unvisited corner of my house. But my family is overseas! I was not going to be able to skype in on their first meeting.   I was so distraught.  To top it all off, I went out into our backyard yesterday while the two youngest children were watching a cartoon. I was gone for literally three minutes. When I tried to reenter the house, I found Ezekiel had opened our laundry room door and "trapped" me outside.  I panicked and pushed the door so hard that it bent the track the laundry room door rests on and knocked it right off!!!   I tried to fix it but it's awkward, heavy and I'm no "handy woman".  I decided to "google" an article on how to repair the door track when it dawned on me, I had no internet connection.  Add the fact that it was still two more days until grocery day and I had nothing "easy" to make for dinner so I knew that thawing, chopping and plenty of cooking were on my agenda.
How's that for a whiny run-down of a day????? I went to the front porch and had a pity party which involved a few tears and a good bit of praying.   Suddenly, two things dawned on me.  First, I thought about  how ridiculously I was behaving.  I talk and blog about the sovereignty of God and suddenly when my day goes south, He's not in charge?  It's not a part of His plan in any way, shape or form?  Second, I had a wave of compassion for all the single mothers out there!  I can't handle two days of "singleness" with grace and yet I know women who have done it for years!  Who changes their lightbulbs? Who watches the kids for an hour while they go to book club?  Who puts their laundry room doors back on track and says "oh, you look tired, let's go out for pizza tonight"? Who takes the dogs out at the end of the night because they get all creeped out at the thought of stepping on a frog or a snake?  Nobody. 
If any part of God's plan for yesterday included making me grateful for my amazing, handsome, handy man of a husband, I can confidently say "mission accomplished".    If any part of the enemy's plan for yesterday included exploiting some pretty lame aspects of my character, I can also say "mission accomplished".  
I can't help but think about the apostle Paul and how content he learned to be "in every circumstance".
I want so much to think like that and right now, I do.  My internet is back on, the door is fixed and my sweet neighbor is bringing us dinner! 
What a difference a day makes. 

FAMILY NEEDED (WELL, TWO FAMILIES, ACTUALLY)

I have recently become aware of two young ladies in The Philippines who are in desperate need of families.
They are not related and will  go two separate placements and THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL!  Both need to be adopted in practicing Christian homes - where a walk with Christ is the focus of the family.
Both girls are around ten years old and understand that they will be adopted.  Aside from being gorgeous, their write ups look very, very good. 
I wish I could post pictures and specifics but the rules of the ICAB prevent me from doing so.  Please log on to our adoption agency web site and take a look at the criteria and fees for Philippine adoptions Christian Adoption Services .    You can also send me an email here  for more information.
Above all, please pray for these girls, that they get the chance to live out their lives as someone's precious daughters. . . that a daddy comes in to offer them protection like only a daddy can . . . that they get a Mama to show them the path to womanhood.   God designed children for families. There's no better place!

What a Difference A Year Makes

 What kind of narcissist sits around reading her own blog posts from a year ago?? Yeah . . . that would be me (ha ha).   I ran across the following quote from a blog entry I typed on June 5, 2010 . . . almost exactly a year ago.  It said:

"I am absolutely loving this time of year. It's hot and humid and practically every day is capped off by an evening thunderstorm or rain shower.
In spite of all the joy, I have little peace. I committed the cardinal sin of reading through Christian Adoption Service's latest list of waiting children. Those of you who know me at all know exactly where this post is headed . . . yes, I am hopelessly in love with a child on the list. I have his file. I know it by heart. He is older (almost 15) and had a very rough start in life. He is in a Christian orphanage, loves Jesus, plays music, sings and even has an "emo" haircut like my oldest son. He ages out in one year and will be unadoptable."  

I went on to discuss how there was no way the Inter Country Adoption Board would allow us to start the process so soon after Ezekiel's adoption, and how we were still recovering financially from Zeke's adoption anyway. I went on to lament that my husband was not ready to adopt again . .. blah, blah blah . . . I'll bet the whole time I'm typing the Lord is looking at me with a shrug and thinking "maybe you should ask ME what I think about this adoption"!

Isn't that CRAZY?  This post was written only three months after Ezekiel came home and several months before the ICAB consented to allow us to pursue Francis' adoption!   Now I know more than just his FILE by heart, I know his voice, his mannerisms, his accent, so many things that the pieces of paper could not convey. I know how perfectly he's going to fit in over here.   I know he never fully gave up hope as he waited for a family. I know he is ours. That was the plan all along. It couldn't be better.  I can't grieve over the 15 years we didn't know him, I can only rejoice in the next 15 . . .or 50 . . . that we get to be present!
I KNOW that by the end of this month, Lord willing, we will be face to face!

Ephesians 3:20-21

English Standard Version (ESV)

 ²⁰⁾ Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Sabotage It Is, Then!

This morning I am awakened bright and early by a phone call from the cottage where Lemuel resides for just three more days before coming home for good.  The staff member is gentle with me as she shares that there has been "an incident" this morning.  Apparently, a stash of candy bars went missing from the cottage. Each client was interviewed separately and each one, including Lemuel, vehemently denied taking the candy.  Less than ten minutes after the denial, a staff member walks by Lemuel's room and notices him vigorously stuffing items into small bag and then stuffing the small bag into a larger bag . . . yeah . . . do I even need to type the end of this story?  No. But for my eternally optimistic friends, I will acquiesce.  The staff member empties the bags and finds said candy. Uneaten. The staff member instructs Lemuel to empty his pockets and finds empty wrappers. Lemuel hangs his head and through chocolatey teeth says "please don't call my mom. She won't want to bring me home."   SIGH . . .
The most fascinating part of this little story is that Lemuel doesn't even LIKE candy.  Here at home, his Halloween or Easter candy can sit for months untouched.  He might eat a little piece now and then but he is NOT a big fan of sugar.
I have read more than once that children with attachment issues often sabotage  any good thing that comes their way.  I have to believe that this completely out of character act is, in truth, an attempt to do just that. I am worried about what he may do between now and Friday.  I am worried that if it isn't an act of sabotage  I now have a thief on my hands - a new side of him to be sure.   Not something that would be easy to contend with in a home where keys, loose change, cell phones and snack foods are in no short supply (have I just issued a collective invitation for every marauder in a 50 mile radius to come a-calling?).
Much of the flowery, fluffy, Spirit-driven resolve I have been feeling the last few days evaporated with that phone call. What came flashing back in to my mind was the way our family has been poured out on this kid for years and the return on that investment?  Not so good.
Does this act of dishonesty change anything?  Not yet.  We still do not feel released to go in any other direction so we stay the course.   It is with a little less wind in our sails but we press on.
To smile, hug and welcome him home with open arms and cheer is going to take an act of God.
It's a good thing HE lives here, too.

A Journey of a Thousand Miles . . . make that 8,000

This is the first entry in the blog that will keep you updated and informed as we go through the adoption process . . . AGAIN! God has been so gracious to give us two beautiful biological children and two special adopted children from The Philippines. We feel extremely undeserving of yet another precious blessing but God has seen fit to lavish us with His goodness, nonetheless.
Our new child is a beautiful little boy (from The Philippines, of course) named Ezequiel.
He is less than two and was born with Down Syndrome.
At this point, we are working overtime to fill out paperwork, get medical appointments and fill all the requirements so our dossier can be sent to The Philippines for the official matching process.
We covet . . . no, we plead . . . for your prayers for our family. There are so many facets to adoption that can only be accomplished through prayer. Please stand with us as we start this
journey. Are we scared? YES! Uncertain about taking in a child who will likely need lifetime
support? ABSOLUTELY! Worried that our other four children will somehow "lose" if we bring
Ezequiel into their lives? YUP! But we serve a great and glorious God who does ALL things
well! Blessed be HIS name!


"This is religion that the Lord sees as pure and undefiled, to care for orphans and widows in their distress . . ." James 1:27