Tribute

Today, November 4th, 2012 is Orphan Sunday.     All around the country, churches are promoting adoption and orphan care in one way or another.  Facebook is rife with adoptive families sharing first photos of their adopted children.  Scripture and touching video inundate my "inbox".

I love it!

It draws my mind back to our first adoption in 2005. We had two biological children, a boy and a girl, and had surgically sterilized ourselves to make sure that's all we ever had.
But our BIG God had a BIG plan . . . to shake us right out of our comfort zone and give us the indescribable gift of a beautiful almost-four-year-old little boy with hearing loss and developmental delays. . .

 He has grown into a sweet, thoughtful, AMAZING 11 year old who reads well, is achieving his goals in math and has the kind of servant's heart every parent dreams of!  Ky was the perfect first adoption, as God well knew.  He bonded quickly, drew every family member in with his adorable face and sweet ways and rarely, if ever, misbehaved.  He made us eager to adopt again!

And then came Lemuel . . .

At 8-years-old, Lem was a firecracker of a child! He had the energy of a dozen children and had been through several disrupted adoptions. Lem was wounded and he challenged us at every turn. We can now say, with full confidence, that God has healed our sweet boy and he is proving to be a trustworthy young man with a fierce sense of right and wrong.  He is a star athlete and yet so humble about the gifts he has been given in that department.  Whenever the phrase "it was worth it" comes up in a television show, casual conversation or something I'm reading, my mind goes to our precious Lem.  We waited a long, long time and went through many MANY trials before this child grafted into the family but here he is and yes . . . it was worth the wait!

Four years later, God gave us the blessing of a child with Down Syndrome. . .

This tiny "baby" was 2 1/2 years old when he found his way into our family and along with him, came the most remarkable changes in all of us!  Appreciation for the smallest gains, compassion for those who struggle with developmental disabilities, the kind of protective love for another person that makes you ready to spring into action at the slightest sideways glance . . . we have to temper this in our older children. We have to assure them that not everyone who looks at our Angel Baby in public is thinking something unkind.  But more than what he represents, we love who he IS.  He is shy with strangers, he loves to dance and "sing", he eats with great gusto and he can be as stubborn as any child I've ever met.  Watching him sleep is precious and holding him while he sleeps can still put tears in my eyes.  When we hear "God's ways are higher than our ways", we can agree with complete certainty.  We might not have pursued the adoption of this Angel had not the Lord pricked our hearts so clearly . . . but oh, what we might have missed!  He is as close to perfection as a human can be.
The irony of that statement might be lost on some but if you have a child like ours, you understand completely.

But Our Father was not finished stuffing this family full just yet. . .
Into my hands came the file of an almost 15 year old boy.  And I saw his picture. And I knew he was MINE . . . just as sure as I knew I was living and breathing, I knew this young man was destined for our family . . .

And he came- terrified and uncertain, having been so long in his caring center. Having built relationships that were real and strong with so many who raised him, hating to leave yet needing to move on at the same time.  But this young man had been prayed over. He had been committed to God many times by many Believers. And we have been blown away to have been chosen to step into his life at this juncture and be the ones to say "forever". . . that is a privilege we will never take for granted.  God could have chosen anyone, but He chose US.   Thank you, Father!

And our crew has grown so big and beautiful, I often can't believe they are mine . . .

So as Orphan Sunday draws to a close,  I pray that families around the world are prompted to open their hearts and homes to just one more child, or to give to a family going through the adoption process, or to pray for orphans in every country.

The knowledge that there are children with nobody to call "mommy" or "daddy" lays me low. I choose to focus on all the "found" children today, like my own sons, but I am keenly aware that many remain unclaimed, feel unwanted, feel "less than" and in this broken world, that will always be a bitter truth.   But my prayer for those priceless treasures is that YOU, my readers, my friends, will notice, and care, and pursue them, even to the point of tremendous personal sacrifice.

There is no child too disabled, no land too far and no price tag too high for our Father.
He pays for what He orders. He guides. He equips. He sustains.
Always.
On time.
And sometimes, he even says "keep the change". . .
Won't you ask Him what He wants of you on this Orphan Sunday?

"God places the lonely in families . . ."   Psalm 68:6

Baby For Sale

I recently had the incredible misfortune of reading an article online (sent to me by an appalled friend) that was penned by an adult adoptee. This adult adoptee is a bitter young woman who is angry about being "snatched from her culture, language and homeland" by her wealthy, white adoptive parents. She goes on to lament a lifetime of LOOKING Asian and not BEING Asian. She felt she never fit in anywhere. She was a perfect, chubby, beautiful baby the day her parents boarded the plane to Korea. She was not, however, an orphan. After much research and several trips back to her native country (and years learning the language), the author of this article discovered living parents, aunts, uncles, full-blooded siblings and an entire village built around her lineage. This is one of the saddest adoption stories I have ever read. It's sad on several levels. First, the author never felt fully embraced by her adoptive family, she was always left with an empty ache of needing to find where she truly belongs. Second, she turned out to be right. She was not a true orphan. She was the spawn of a young, unmarried girl who later went on to marry the baby's father and build a life with him. But who knew?
Adoption is laden with miry ethical issues that are often swept aside by parents longing for the warmth and responsibility of a baby. Adoptive parents sometimes don't know the full story. Under the Hague Convention, a "true orphan" is a child who is either:
1. one of parents who are deceased
2. a child who has been legally, voluntarily surrendered by biological parents
3. a child who has been declared neglected and abandoned by the court system

The young woman in the story was none of these. She was taken to a clinic by a distant relative and left there. Her anguished mother searched for her for months.
The relative felt he was doing the mother a favor and, in time, she would see the gift she was given in being unfettered.

Why am I, a four-time international adoptive parent, even discussing such a sensitive topic? Why would I want to put something into print that might make a family second guess the decision to adopt? Because it is VITAL to the future health of your family and your adopted child to be careful when adopting. A child who's parents are deceased should have solid evidence in his paperwork of such. A child who has been legally surrendered should have surrender paperwork (ours even includes the thumbprint from the surrendering parent. I look at these prints often and, for some reason, they are extra precious). A child declared abandoned by the courts will have a long paper trail of attempts to locate birth family, court appearances, and that child will likely be OLDER because it takes time to properly execute a search for a parent who, may not even know their child is on the fast-track out of the country.
Your best chance of being certain that you are adopting a true orphan is to adopt from a "Hague Convention Country". These countries have agreed to abide by rules that decrease the likelihood of child trafficking. They are agreed that beautiful babies "found in a park" might just have more to their stories.
The draw back? Many children from Hague Convention Countries are older children. They have had to wait for documents and signatures to complete their files. Those surrendered directly at birth by parents are not as plentiful and families who feel they need a small, healthy infant must wait a long time in a Hague Country, for a match.
Yes, The Philippines is a Hague County. They are transparent in all their paperwork, fees and timelines, in my experience. The children offered there for adoption are "true orphans". In fact, our agency just received a new batch of files of waiting children. No. There are no tiny babies there (several toddlers, though) but there ARE gorgeous sibling groups. There are children who have waited a long time to be claimed as sons and daughters. There are kids there who my family MET IN PERSON and fell in love with on the last trip to The Philippines. Uh oh . . . (ha ha) yes, there's one little five year old boy on that list who is a heart-stealer. He has some special needs but those only serve to make him CUTER, in my humble opinion.
Are you considering adding to your family through adoption? Please consider a true orphan. PLEASE consider a Hague Convention Country. Adoption is a slow and painful test of patience no matter which route you take but a true orphan from a Hague Country may help your family, in the long run, to avoid some of the doubts and heartache that come with a child who knows, deep in her heart, that she had another life where she was someone's treasure. Kids know. Even young children. Somehow, they know. I believe God placed a sense in us, of where we belong. Is there a true orphan out there who belongs with you?

But Who's Counting?

I want to tell you a little bit about one of my best friends. Those of you who know me in "real life" probably know her, too. Her name is Thea and she and her husband have nine beautiful biological children with another on the way! Thea helped me lay down my fear of having a large family just by letting me get to know hers - the good, the bad and the messy (ha ha)- she reminds me often that God decides who comes to our table and HIS decisions are always right . . . I need to hear that from time to time.
Recently Thea and Steve read the book "Radical" by David Platt. She and I spent many hours talking about our own lives and ways that we might live more radically for Jesus. Thea has had a heart for adoption for a long time but her calling became even more clear through study of God's word and His mandate for us to truly abandon ourselves to Him . . .no matter how "far out" his path for our lives may look to the rest of the world. So, as crazy as it seems, God called this VERY large family to grow even larger through the miracle of adoption. After much prayer and soul searching, the family decided to request a match with two beautiful brothers from Ethiopia! They ARE beautiful, too. I've seen pictures and video that make me wish I had seen them first . . . but, no, they are destined to be Thea's and the Lord has made it plain.
The family is in the throes of raising money for their adoption. Their precious children have made some incredible stationary and survival bracelets (long pieces of rope that are braided into pretty bracelets but can be unwound and used to save you if you find yourself in a "Bear Grylls" situation sans the years of training).
You can check the bracelets out at www.fromgodstummy.blogspot.com
It's a truly novel idea. I'm getting a purple one!
Another way you can help this family is to come to our local Chic-fil-a restaurant at Cary Towne Center on October 25th from 5-8pm, order some dinner and tell the cashier that you are there to support the adoption fundraiser. Chic-fil-a will donate 20% of your meal purchase price to the family's adoption fund. We had this very same fund raiser for Francis' adoption and it was SO much fun and so very successful!!!!
Finally, the most tangible way you can help my friends is to pray for them. During the adoption process, families tend to face grueling spiritual attacks. There is money stress, extended family's dissension, doubt of hearing God's calling correctly . . oh, you name it! Adoption is hard and wonderful at the same time. Please pray that my friends have a lot more "wonderful" than "hard".

"Normal" Is Heaven!

With almost two weeks home and the jet lag considerably reduced, we are crossing into familiar terrain that most people would call "normal life".  The kids are ALL doing their chores again (thank the Lord . . . I really needed the help!) and their own laundry again (double "thank the Lord").  Francis has had no problem falling right into the routine and taking on any responsibility given to him. Even better, he takes it on with a good attitude and a willing spirit!   You can't ask for much more than that . . .
On Friday we took the family to the beach for the day.  I could tell Francis was a little hesitant about this trip and not too excited.  I asked him if everything was okay and he brought up the fact that he doesn't exactly swim.   I tried to offer encouragement and give him several options of things to do at the beach besides swim.  When we finally got to the beach, it was a "red flag" day and due to strong currents, beach goers were not allowed to venture into the water any deeper than their waists!  Just one little example of God taking care of a potentially awkward situation and keeping everyone in the same boat.  I loved it!
Today we all went to see the final Harry Potter movie and then Dad took Francis and Lemuel to the YMCA to play some basketball.  I'm sure when they get home they'll want to watch "Naruto" or some karate movie on Nexfiix before bed and eat the last 6 chocolate chip cookies in the tupperware.
I just  LOVE LOVE LOVE describing the normal events going on over here because each one is made more precious with Francis home.  I dreamed about having him home and in our "normal" family doing "normal" things for almost a year and finally - it's happening!    No drama.  No behavior "issues". No sibling jealousy (well, maybe a tad but that will be saved for another post).  No major adjustment problems.  Just us living life and seeking to please the Lord in the little things while looking for His guiding hand in the big things.
Miraculously normal!

Lemuel and Francis bury Elliana

Lem and Ezekiel

Ezekiel and The Kuya

Francis, Lem and Elliana with their boogie boards

Utterly Dependent

The title of this post may very well make a reader believe it's going to be deep. Spiritual. A discussion of our helplessness without the Lord.   Nope. This post is about my internet!  
My husband and two precious teenagers are now in Manila and in just a few hours they will meet Francis in person for the first time!!!!!!   Our family of seven becomes a family of eight in just six hours or so!  How blessed I am! Also, how neurotic! 
If I had decided to sit down and post yesterday, the post would have had a very different tone. Exasperated. Upset. Despondent.  Ungrateful.  Our internet has been down for three days due to some severe storm activity.
I called to get help from our company only to find that no technician was available for FIVE WHOLE DAYS. 
Normally that would not be a big deal. I may have even welcomed the "outage" as a chance to get back to playing board games with the kids or cleaning out some unvisited corner of my house. But my family is overseas! I was not going to be able to skype in on their first meeting.   I was so distraught.  To top it all off, I went out into our backyard yesterday while the two youngest children were watching a cartoon. I was gone for literally three minutes. When I tried to reenter the house, I found Ezekiel had opened our laundry room door and "trapped" me outside.  I panicked and pushed the door so hard that it bent the track the laundry room door rests on and knocked it right off!!!   I tried to fix it but it's awkward, heavy and I'm no "handy woman".  I decided to "google" an article on how to repair the door track when it dawned on me, I had no internet connection.  Add the fact that it was still two more days until grocery day and I had nothing "easy" to make for dinner so I knew that thawing, chopping and plenty of cooking were on my agenda.
How's that for a whiny run-down of a day????? I went to the front porch and had a pity party which involved a few tears and a good bit of praying.   Suddenly, two things dawned on me.  First, I thought about  how ridiculously I was behaving.  I talk and blog about the sovereignty of God and suddenly when my day goes south, He's not in charge?  It's not a part of His plan in any way, shape or form?  Second, I had a wave of compassion for all the single mothers out there!  I can't handle two days of "singleness" with grace and yet I know women who have done it for years!  Who changes their lightbulbs? Who watches the kids for an hour while they go to book club?  Who puts their laundry room doors back on track and says "oh, you look tired, let's go out for pizza tonight"? Who takes the dogs out at the end of the night because they get all creeped out at the thought of stepping on a frog or a snake?  Nobody. 
If any part of God's plan for yesterday included making me grateful for my amazing, handsome, handy man of a husband, I can confidently say "mission accomplished".    If any part of the enemy's plan for yesterday included exploiting some pretty lame aspects of my character, I can also say "mission accomplished".  
I can't help but think about the apostle Paul and how content he learned to be "in every circumstance".
I want so much to think like that and right now, I do.  My internet is back on, the door is fixed and my sweet neighbor is bringing us dinner! 
What a difference a day makes. 

The COUNTDOWN

In a few short days, three of the people I love most in this world will board an airplane and make their way, ever-so-slowly to The Philippines.  Right now, the greater Manila area is drenched in flood waters from tropical storm "Falcon".   I just finished reading an article and watching a news broadcast (in Tagalog but I got the gist) about the evacuations, missing children, lost fishermen and impassable roadways.  I am afraid.
The excitement of finally meeting my new son in person is tempered with the realization that the conditions where he lives are not the best right now.
I am keeping this post short and asking for every reader to pray for my family.  Please ask the Lord to deliver them safely to Manila and safely back to me again.     Thank you so very much!
For His Fame,
Nikki

Ready, Set, GO!!!!

A LOT has happened since my last blog post just a couple of days ago.  I'm not much of a list maker but just for today, I think I'll write a list:
1. Big family meeting to pray about who gets to travel to meet Francis took place
2. A  tiny tantrum occurred  at said meeting (hey, I was PMS-ing, give me a break)
3. My husband and two oldest children won the bid to travel (I'm okay with it now)
4. Tickets were purchased (3 round trip and 1 glorious one-way)
5. Francis had his Embassy interview and all went well (except he got publicly sick in front of a restaurant after the interview, much to the horror of the patrons eating  just inside the window, I'm sure)
6. Boxes and boxes of gifts and orphanage donations have been received, packed and repacked to meet the airline weight requirement.

Those are the biggies this week. Lots of great little things have happened but those were definitely the big, exciting steps taken toward bringing our son home.  
I have developed a wicked case of insomnia  on top of it all. I don't feel stressed or worried, I'm just so excited that I can't sleep. If I wake, I start thinking about the adoption, the travel, the closeness of it all and I'd rather lay in bed and daydream than actually sleep, I guess.    Today, after a full week and 5 days of teaching preschool Vacation Bible School, it all caught up with me and I was wiped out. My sweet husband took the three youngest kids to the pool at the YMCA and I was able to doze in front of the TV - the movie was "Mask" with Cher playing a biker chick mothering a physically deformed teen son - it was almost too interesting to fall asleep to but I somehow managed. 

I am starting to field calls and requests from friends and family members who want to come to the airport when Francis arrives. I'm honored and thrilled!  They have every right to come and I'm touched they would ask. So many people have walked with us through this adoption, prayed for us, donated, encouraged and loved on us that there was never even a thought of keeping his "welcome home" all to myself.   How wonderful for Francis to see a crowd of people anticipating his arrival!  I hesitate to put times and details on the blog because I have had a few "weirdos" over the years contact me via this blog fishing around for information but if you're a friend in real life, you know how to find me and I'll be glad to let you know when to be where. I'll probably be so keyed up I'll need a ride rather than driving anyway!  

Keep those prayers coming, friends. Our father is faithful and as I see the finish line on this adoption, I also see the start of a new family and all that comes with it.  The good and the bad, the stress and the joy, the peace and the worry and I say BRING IT ON!!!!

                                                    Mom, Ezekiel and Daddy (above)

Lemuel carrying lunches for the homeless ministry

Our two oldest (in the center) handing out lunches at the homeless ministry

Our sweet Ky Ky tried fondue for the first time

Sabotage It Is, Then!

This morning I am awakened bright and early by a phone call from the cottage where Lemuel resides for just three more days before coming home for good.  The staff member is gentle with me as she shares that there has been "an incident" this morning.  Apparently, a stash of candy bars went missing from the cottage. Each client was interviewed separately and each one, including Lemuel, vehemently denied taking the candy.  Less than ten minutes after the denial, a staff member walks by Lemuel's room and notices him vigorously stuffing items into small bag and then stuffing the small bag into a larger bag . . . yeah . . . do I even need to type the end of this story?  No. But for my eternally optimistic friends, I will acquiesce.  The staff member empties the bags and finds said candy. Uneaten. The staff member instructs Lemuel to empty his pockets and finds empty wrappers. Lemuel hangs his head and through chocolatey teeth says "please don't call my mom. She won't want to bring me home."   SIGH . . .
The most fascinating part of this little story is that Lemuel doesn't even LIKE candy.  Here at home, his Halloween or Easter candy can sit for months untouched.  He might eat a little piece now and then but he is NOT a big fan of sugar.
I have read more than once that children with attachment issues often sabotage  any good thing that comes their way.  I have to believe that this completely out of character act is, in truth, an attempt to do just that. I am worried about what he may do between now and Friday.  I am worried that if it isn't an act of sabotage  I now have a thief on my hands - a new side of him to be sure.   Not something that would be easy to contend with in a home where keys, loose change, cell phones and snack foods are in no short supply (have I just issued a collective invitation for every marauder in a 50 mile radius to come a-calling?).
Much of the flowery, fluffy, Spirit-driven resolve I have been feeling the last few days evaporated with that phone call. What came flashing back in to my mind was the way our family has been poured out on this kid for years and the return on that investment?  Not so good.
Does this act of dishonesty change anything?  Not yet.  We still do not feel released to go in any other direction so we stay the course.   It is with a little less wind in our sails but we press on.
To smile, hug and welcome him home with open arms and cheer is going to take an act of God.
It's a good thing HE lives here, too.

Bravo!

I'm going to take a short walk down a bunny trail and share a little obnoxious Mama pride!  Two of my teens were in the Phantom of the Opera this previous weekend and I was SO SO PROUD of them!  This particular version of Phantom is one written specifically for Christian actors. The focus of this Phantom is sharing the gospel with the audience through theater.  My children were in the chorus, dance numbers and a "fight scene". They, and the entire cast, blessed me to no end.  The music, costumes, sets and talent just blew me away but the
message of Christ's  undaunted pursuit of our hearts and our holiness truly moved me.
Christian Youth Theater . . . . YOU ROCK!!!!!

                                        The Whole Cast (Above) / Phantom and Madame Giry (Below)

                                              My daughter cutting a throat (Below)

 

                                                My oldest son at the masquerade (below)

                                                My oldest on in a fight scene (below/far right)

                                        My oldest son and his "wife"

                                              My oldest son and his "wife" again (far left)

                                            My daughter at the masquerade

My Daughter (left) and her BFF

A Journey of a Thousand Miles . . . make that 8,000

This is the first entry in the blog that will keep you updated and informed as we go through the adoption process . . . AGAIN! God has been so gracious to give us two beautiful biological children and two special adopted children from The Philippines. We feel extremely undeserving of yet another precious blessing but God has seen fit to lavish us with His goodness, nonetheless.
Our new child is a beautiful little boy (from The Philippines, of course) named Ezequiel.
He is less than two and was born with Down Syndrome.
At this point, we are working overtime to fill out paperwork, get medical appointments and fill all the requirements so our dossier can be sent to The Philippines for the official matching process.
We covet . . . no, we plead . . . for your prayers for our family. There are so many facets to adoption that can only be accomplished through prayer. Please stand with us as we start this
journey. Are we scared? YES! Uncertain about taking in a child who will likely need lifetime
support? ABSOLUTELY! Worried that our other four children will somehow "lose" if we bring
Ezequiel into their lives? YUP! But we serve a great and glorious God who does ALL things
well! Blessed be HIS name!


"This is religion that the Lord sees as pure and undefiled, to care for orphans and widows in their distress . . ." James 1:27