A Simpler Walk

I'm finding myself in a strange and precarious place spiritually as of late.
The more I read God's word and spend time with Him in prayer, the less I find I can tolerate some of the mandates of other Believers.

This notion has been dogging me for more than a year but has intensified in the last three or four months.
Those of you who are immersed in the Christian culture know it is just that - a culture. There is often a set of rules, a dress code, a vocabulary list and a standard of behavior NOT COMMANDED IN SCRIPTURE that prevails. This culture is most obvious in the homeschooling community for me.

I must state, for the record, my church family does not seem saturated in the culture to which I am referring. It is much more open, accepting and eclectic than one would expect. And we are conservative. There is something special going on at my church. For that, I am grateful.

But the culture that SOME of my fellow homeschoolers embrace has become repugnant to me. I can not abide one more conversation about the evils of Twilight, The Hunger Games, the fashions on the racks at Khol's or the suggestive dance moves of Justin Bieber! Pokemon, Harry Potter, Facebook, secular music, skinny jeans, guns in video games, tattoos, piercings . . . these are the plumb lines many of us are using to measure one another and it is suffocating me!

Work these things out in your own families, folks! Prayerfully decide where the lines should fall and walk in them. Offer your opinions when other Believers ASK FOR THEM. Do not waste precious time making the fight against Spongebob Squarepants your life's work, I beg of you.

You make a caricature of yourself before those who don't know our Savior.
Fodder for mockery among the lost, but not persecuted for righteousness' sake. Let us not confuse the two.

I am not suggesting that Christian families should throw open their doors and embrace every aspect of our current American culture. Lots of it is garbage, counterproductive, injurious to the spirit and wasteful of time. Plenty of what I have mentioned above is not allowed in my own home. But that is OUR home and yours may look very different from ours. And guess what? God's word allows for that! We should all work out our own salvation with fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12).

I Corinthians 8 talks about Believers eating food sacrificed to idols. Paul is clear that Believers are welcomed to eat it but he admonishes the early Christians in verses 9 and 10 with:
"Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak. For if someone with a weak conscience sees you, with all your knowledge, eating in an idol's temple, won't that person be emboldened to eat what is sacrificed to idols?"

Shouldn't that be our main concern as we fellowship, Believer to Believer? Paul is not talking about a Christian causing a non-Christian to stumble but a more knowledgeable Believer making a weaker Believer revert to idolatry and damaging his relationship with the One, True, God.

So we don't flaunt our family boundaries before other Believers but neither do we set before them a form of righteousness that is not of God and expect them to partake simply because we have more knowledge.

We live our lives under the convictions that God has placed on our hearts, trying to please Him both in our freedom and our choices . . . and we keep Him and HIS word the focus.

Everything else is dross . . . chaff . . . shavings on the wind . . . a ploy of the Enemy to divert us from the Cross and the height from which we have fallen.

And when we remember that HE picked us up from the pit of miry clay and set our feet upon the rock when we were but filthy, helpless, rotten, rebellious, unfaithful people, suddenly it doesn't much matter whether you have cable TV or make your own bread from wheat berries.

It just doesn't matter. In eternity. For the big picture.

It's just between Him and You...and He lavishes grace upon grace, lovingly guides and forgives without limit.

Rest in that, my friends.

Just rest.

Touches

It's been almost a month since I posted "Fit for Service" and I want to be faithfully accountable so, here it goes . . .

I have exercised three to five days a week WITHOUT FAIL since that post! I have a way to go before I can officially say I feel "fit" but some wonderful side effects have surfaced from just a month of consistent, challenging exercise.
The most notable are:
1. I have a TON more energy
2. I am sleeping so much better - all night every night
3. I am firmer everywhere (and I mean . . . everywhere . . . hee hee)
4. I am much more relaxed, even keeled, slower to feel annoyed, etc.
5. This could just be over analysis on my part but it does seem I have a broader
vocabulary and less trouble retrieving information than before I started exercising!

I can't say that in one month's time I've conquered my issues with staying consistent but I can say I really DO enjoy the after effects of exercise and I want to continue . . . Faithful God has given me some drive in answer to prayer!

Thank you to my sweet neighbor and friend for meeting me at the crack of daylight to exercise! Just knowing you will be waiting nudges me out of my warm, comfy bed!

I began by doing the "Couch To 5 K" app five days a week but at the end of week two, I broke my baby toe on the side of my bed . . . it was sticking out from the pack, swollen and purple. It still hurts. I continued to exercise but have had to tone the running parts of the app down to walking. I do three days a week of the 30 minute walk/run and two days a week of pilates with a DVD. This is a relatively small time commitment but so very worth it! On a side note, I really don't love pilates. By "don't love", I mean "hate" . . . but the sore muscles the next day tell me my abs need me to keep doing it. I do NOT have the fluid movements of the ladies on the video. I know I look like a turtle on my back and not the graceful swan that the other ladies portray!

Now, on to the Mission Field update . . . there isn't much going on in that arena. Our sending organization is still getting the administrative/logistical aspects of our project in order and since we aren't on the board or involved in the correspondence, it appears to us that little is happening in terms of forward motion. I'm sure that isn't the case but we are simply out of the loop. We step back and let the board members do what God has called them to do and we wait. There is a large scale fund raiser planned for September in Pennsylvania and I will share more details there as they solidify. We do firmly believe the Lord will do this work. We have no doubt He will place us in The Philippines in HIS time and in HIS way. . . our task right now is to watch and pray.

We are registered to take a volunteer training class at Governor Morehead's School for the Blind in September. That class will allow us (Anthony, Aaron and I) to work in the classrooms directly with visually impaired children and their teachers! This is priceless, hands-on, first-line training and I am eager for it to begin.

All continues to go well with our children, our church, our preparations to begin another year of homeschooling, etc.

Just wanted to update my precious readers and thank you so much for the prayerful support. It is of such value that I have no adequate words - even with my bolstered intellect and vocabulary (ha ha) . . .

FOR HIS GREAT FAME,
Nikki

ONE YEAR

Today, July 7th, 2012 marks one year since I waited nervously on the jetway.
One year since 30 of our friends and family members gathered in anticipation.
One year since I had to learn to answer "six" when asked how many children I have.

Our precious Francis has been home ONE YEAR today!

When I remember the early weeks of his homecoming, it is with fondness and maybe a little shudder of gratefulness that we are HERE instead of THERE.

I recall those early weeks where I was his complete link to the USA. Every task I set out to do, no matter how mundane, he wanted to be a part of. From making a bank deposit to getting groceries, Francis was always by my side asking questions. He wanted to know how everything worked here. He was absorbing life in the US at warp speed.

He wanted to know how much everything cost and then would quickly produce his calculator to convert that number to Philippine Pesos . . . and then he would gasp at the sheer expense of everything from a value meal to a pair of shoes.

He took perfect care of all of his belongings and was quick to help around the house with any chore anyone was doing.

And then he started to work for his dad and earn his own money . . . and NEVER spent a dime! He hid it in his room (although I always knew just where) and counted it again and again, converting it to pesos and remarking how shocked his friends back home would be at his "stash". We stayed up late watching action movies together after everyone else went to bed. I watched a lot of shooting and explosions...I was happy to.

He facebooked The Philippines for hours each day. He ached for those friends and caregivers in a way that was so hard to watch and, although a necessary part of starting a new life, something I wanted to ease and could not.

But time went on.

He began to say "no thanks" when I offered to take him with me to the store or the post office. He began to spend a little money on going to the movies with siblings. He joined his basketball team and found confidence in his English speaking and social skills. He started to get invited over to friend's houses.

He made a lot of baskets at his games and won the respect of the other players.

His comfort level in every situation multiplied and you could visibly see him being grafted into this life and this family.

And it's been a pleasure to watch and a gift.

He is ours and we are his. A little more each day. Just when I think we've reached total immersion, we get closer. The good and the bad experiences are the glue. We welcome both. But the good outnumber the bad at least 100 to 1.

God has done us a great kindness in making Francis our son.
Right on time.

Happy ONE YEAR HOME, precious boy . . . you are a jewel in our crown.

FIT For Service

This is possibly going to be one of the most self-indulgent posts I've ever written.

I hope you'll hang with me and see the heart from which it springs.

I am out of shape. Physically. A mess. Jiggly and weak. Easily tired and a snacker to the Nth degree.

Something's gotta give.

With our family poised and ready to take on the mission field, I fear I will be the weak link when it comes to being able to fully serve the Lord and carry out our mission in The Philippines.

No, I'm not an obese person. I would like my jeans to fit more loosely and the washboard abs of my college days to resurface and I realize nobody at Wal Mart is going to look at me and say "now THERE'S a fat girl". But I have very little stamina for physical activity and minimal tolerance for yard work, grocery carrying and stair climbing. That HAS to change.

So I write this post as a plea to my bloggy world readers to pray for my sticktoitveness as I begin my plan for getting into better physical condition.

Today, I dowloaded the app "Couch to 5 K" onto my iphone, laced up my sparkly white neglected New Balance and hit the pavement. It is a 30 minute workout consisting of a 5 minute warm up, intervals of walking and running (wherein the 60 seconds of running felt like a year and the 90 seconds of walking evaporated at warp speed) and a 5 minute cool down walk at the end. AAAANNND . . . I DID IT!! It felt SO good dragging my behind up my steep driveway, jello legs wobbling at the end of this work out and knowing that I took the first step on a journey to better health.

I just want to honor God with this body and so I MUST follow through. Please pray that I will follow through. I am famous for great beginnings and fast burn out. Renown, in fact.

I have three partial sewing projects, one unfinished assignment for our Hadley School for the Blind training and four partially-read books on my nightstand to remind me that I struggle with finishing well.

I figured putting this out there in cyber world might hold me accountable. But if you check in with me a month from now, ask how the exercise is going and I get defensive, please show me some grace - ha ha . . .

Okay, I'm off to the Farmer's Market for some good eats.

Striking While the Iron Is Hot,
Nikki

It Was The Best Daaayyy Everrrrrr (Best Day Everrrr)

Two "cool points" for anyone reading who recognized the title of this blog post as being from an episode of Spongebob Squarepants! TEN cool points for those who have never seen Spongebob and have no idea where that song comes from . . . ha ha . . .

Yesterday was possibly one of the best family days we have had in a long time. I am excluding the day my children were born, came home and/or committed their lives to Christ in my ranking of days but it was a great day nonetheless!

It was Saturday, a notoriously busy day for our family. We have a child who works, one who is acting in a movie being filmed by a Christian production company, two who play various sports and two who get invited to birthday parties (the "little kid" kind where 26 kids meet up at Chuck E. Cheese and take turns disappearing and being found again) but yesterday, nobody had a blessed thing on the calendar!

We decided, of course, to call a family work day (groan, eye roll, sigh). Much to our surprise, this work day decree was met with positive responses ranging from acquiescing to downright excitement at the mention of washing cars and trimming hedges!
Here are a few pics I snapped from the goings on:
Dad at the Weed Whacker


Oldest Son at the Hedge Clippers


Favorite Daughter Cleans the Kitchen (blurry pic - Mom's lack of skill)


Lem, Kyle and Zeke the Naked Wash the Van


If you squint and tilt your head, you'll see Francis on the mower


And ME on the ipad taking pictures and supervising . . . hey! someone has to keep these slackers in line!!!


As the work was winding up, Lem remembered a big, fat $20 gift card he received as a "thank you" for coaching soccer and he asked me out to dinner at Pei Wei (oh, yum . . . one of my favorite places . . . stir fried steak and fried rice!!!). I was touched that he asked just me and so, of course, we went. I got to drive hubby's cute little car instead of that honkin' large van so that made it extra sweet.

And Lem was such a gentleman. He opened doors. He let me choose the seat. He kept asking if I wanted anything else. The conversation was basic "kid stuff" (his school friends, sports, video games) but I just ate it up! It was all I could do to swallow that delicious food for the lump in my throat. THIS was the kind of interaction with him that was just a dream a year ago. I imagined him as thoughtful. I prayed he would be even a little interested in the welfare of others. I hoped for it but now it was HERE . . .

And this blog always seems to go back to Lemuel. Maybe I need to rename it.
But he has been our biggest challenge and is becoming our greatest triumph as we lean on Jesus to walk us through a brand of parenting completely unfamiliar to me.
For him, I have become a big "softie".

All that hard line, butt kicking, no excuses, no second chances type of parenting that is so popular among families without wounded children backfired miserably in this house.

What works? You might wonder. What works is PRAYER, total surrender to the plans of God whether you like them or not. What works is forgiving 70 x 7 and keeping the faith. Believing your child was created to be MORE than a "RADish". Knowing that he was entrusted to you and you don't have to have all the answers but you do have to stop doing what isn't working and try something new. Maturity works. Letting that child grow up slowly - as slowly as it takes. Not saying things like "you're twelve, you have no reason to be afraid of the dark." Because maybe he does. What the heck do YOU know? You weren't there from day one. What works is drawing a wounded child in CLOSER instead of pushing him away farther - which is what feels comfortable, natural and what we did too many times. What works is getting your head out of your own . . . um . . . "space" and realizing that how you FEEL as a parent needs to sit on the back burner. Yes, you're tired. Yes, you're emotionally exhausted. Yes, you would like to hide in the cargo hold of a 747 and end up in Aruba but so what??? I repeat . . . IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Not totally anyway.
You're a casualty of his pain. Fallout. Not the main event.

There's no pill. There's no treatment center. There's no book. There's no attachment therapist. There's no ONE magic bullet to "cure" RAD. That's the conclusion I've come to in my limited experience with one wounded boy.
There's prayer. There's never giving up. There's forgiving. There's "I love you even if you don't love me." There's "I wish I had been there to catch you the day you popped out of your birthmom and to shield you from the hurt. But I wasn't and we have to deal with what IS."

I wish there were more. But sometimes, I'm glad there wasn't. I would have taken the easy way a thousand times and missed the depth of this son of mine. If his heart came to me easily, maybe I would have appreciated it less? Leaned on Jesus less? Been more prideful as a parent? Only the Lord knows.

And He is good. Yes, altogether loving. The perfect parent and only wise God.

And He knows best . . .

Attachment Revisited

It has been many months since I began to suspect the Lord was healing our sweet Lemuel of his symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder. It was with great reservation that I blogged about my suspicions of lasting healing because ....well...because I doubted. And because I have, at one time or another in my life, been convinced of something I felt the Lord was doing only to be mistaken.
I didn't want to make a fool of myself.

I no longer doubt this healing. I am not mistaken.

I see, in Lemuel, such a sweet portrait of redemption, healing, of the tender love of our Heavenly Father that I can not deny that our boy has been made whole!

Sometimes, in my mind's eye, I notice myself short changing this gift of healing.
I say to myself
"He probably only had a mild case of RAD. It may have been coincidental that he fit the profile so well."
or
"I don't want to give other parents false hope. God doesn't always choose to heal. Maybe I should keep this quiet."
or
"Maybe RAD really isn't real or is so over diagnosed that I simply saw a slow bonding process instead of a miracle."

But the Mother's heart in me wants to shout from the mountaintops that my son is a caring, loving, TRUSTING young man who is a positive part of this family and a joy to parent.

And he is!!

He still struggles with logic skills. He still needs resource class for math and will probably always have an Individualized Education Plan at school.
But he loves me. He says it now with absolute certainty and no ulterior motive.
He catches me alone in the kitchen every now and then and says "I'm so glad you adopted me and you never gave up."
And I believe him.
And I say "me,too." And I mean it.

He went with his youth group to volunteer at the Special Olympics on Saturday. Upon his return, I received such wonderful reports from the leadership (who also received stellar comments from the volunteer organizers) about Lemuel's care of the special needs adults he was charged with that I could not help but brag about him just a little. This is a child I literally did not trust to walk the dog just a year ago! He is now completely trustworthy in every aspect.
He has internalized the notion that even if nobody is watching, his Heavenly Father sees his actions.
He understands a little better the scripture about putting others before ourselves.
He lives them out.
Sure, he messes up from time to time but in a NORMAL way, with TRUTHFUL admission of guilt and HUMBLE receiving of consequences!
This is more than I would have hoped for a year ago. More than I thought possible.

I was exhausted and sadly resigned to parenting him the best we could until he was old enough to either join the military or become incarcerated. I figured the latter would eliminate the former.

Lord, help my unbelief!

I now see the fingerprints of God on this child in a way that was not evident when we were in the throes of the chaos. I see the sculpting and refining the Father is doing and, as the excess falls away, something so beautiful emerges.

Worth the pain. Worth the wait. More than we asked or imagined. That's our theme.

Porch Talk

I love summer time in North Carolina (well, it's summer enough with temperatures in the upper 80's and humidity making it's presence known even in the early morning).

Almost every morning, hubby and I awaken before any of the children. We get our cups of coffee and sit on the front porch to read our Bibles and talk a bit.

Those talks inevitably meander toward The Philippines.
We breathe in the scent of our blooming Magnolia tree and say "we're going to miss this smell".

We wave at the man who, in his 80s, never misses a day walking or bike riding past our house on the quiet cul-de-sac. We met him when our large rottweiler/lab mix broke free and went after him one day. She doesn't bite but he didn't know that.
"I'm going to miss seeing that old man" I sigh. "I hope whoever buys this house appreciates the front porch."

But I can't muster any real sadness.

We're going on the adventure of a lifetime. Our children will be by our sides. We go to a place we've been before and we know we love.

We understand there will be hard times, heartache and struggles.
We have those here, too. It's life and we're just people.

Today's porch talk included our little Ezekiel (who still sleeps in our room, much to the chagrin of perfect parents and baby whisperers) so he sits with his mango-peach juice box while we drink coffee and he reminds us, just by his presence, that God gives us good gifts in the most unexpected packages.

Ezekiel reminds us that taking a big scary leap of faith can result in unsurpassed joy. He is a walking illustration that what some call "burden", others call "blessing" and we relax.

We relax because our Heavenly Father has all things under His control. The same God who pricked our hearts to adopt a child with Down Syndrome and healed another child of Reactive Attachment Disorder is the very same one who is calling us away from this front porch and to the other side of the world.

HIM, we can trust. Oh, what we would have missed if we hadn't trusted!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight".
Proverbs 3:5-6

The view from our front porch . . .

Brass Tacks and Piles of Laundry

From time to time, I get notes from moms asking questions about "daily operations" in a family like ours. I have many friends with larger families than mine. Many friends who run their homes like well-oiled machines. I have learned a lot from these ladies.

Mostly I have learned that they hatched from pods dropped from another planet! A planet I am not familiar with. A place that mocks people with my organizational
challenges and steals my DNA to figure out what went awry.

But I picked up a few "tricks" along the way that I wanted to share with those of you who, like me, have fantasized about having a housekeeper, a cook and some sister wives to share my load . . . unattractive, celebate sister wives, of course!

Keep in mind that my family consists of two parents, FOUR teenagers, a ten year old and our little angel baby who has Down Syndrome. We have some unique blessings and challenges that might make some of what I'm sharing not so do-able in your house.

First, LAUNDRY:
Used towels have been the bane of my existence for several years. Kids forget which towel was "theirs". Teens find it gross to use the towel that someone else has used to dry his "nether regions". Towels stacked atop one another on our measly towel bar start to get gamey in just one day.
For awhile I was washing a load of towels EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
And then the most obvious remedy jumped from the J hook at Wal Mart and into my cart.
OVER THE DOOR TOWEL HOOKS!!!! I love these things! I want to find the inventor and bake him a cake. With sprinkles.
Each bedroom door in our home is now graced by a towel hook. If there are three children in a room, there are three hooks. YOUR towel stays YOUR towel and is washed with your clothes on laundry day.
This plain-as-the-nose-on-your-face solution has revolutionized my life!
There you have it...

Second, HOMESCHOOLING
Books, papers, pencils, the protractor, the compass, CD ROMS and journals littered my shelves and tables. I tried assigning children a spot on the school shelf that would be their own. But notebooks slid, papers hung loose, pencils and pens rolled. I had to come up with a system to organize school items that was accessible to me for nightly grading and work assigning. For us, the crate system was a gift from above.
Each child has his/her own crate with a name sticker. That crate contains everything needed for school. On top of each stack of books in each crate is a post it note with my instructions. This method works perfectly for older children who do much of their work independently but it also serves to make our not-so-independent learner feel like a "big kid". His Explode the Code and math worksheet along with a box of crayons and pencils are in his crate and ready for daily use.

Some other tips that make our days run a little more smoothly and take some of the load off mom are:

Each child has a water bottle in the fridge with his name on it. This reduces the constant use of a new cup every time someone is thirsty.

I empty the dishwasher every morning and every able-bodied child has to rinse his dishes and put them in the dishwasher immediately after use. No dishes pile up in the sink.....Nirvana!

As much as my "green" friends might cringe, we use a lot of paper plates during the day... but we also double up little kids for baths so maybe that balances out our wastefulness with our eco-friendliness . . . no?

I have much to learn in terms of running this household efficiently but the items above have pulled me closer to that goal with a minimal amount of cost and effort.
These tricks have freed up some valuable time that I used to spend washing towles or chasing down math folders.

Now the big challenge is to USE that "found time" doing things that are worthwhile and not squander it with lazy or selfish pursuits.

And THAT'S another blog post altogether . . .

I Want More!

I want more children. I don't think it's a secret.

I have six. And they are marvelous. Beautiful. Exceptional human beings for whom my public adoration has probably caused some measure of embarrassment. I don't care and I can't help myself.

But I want more children.

I pray that if my big kids are reading this, they don't for a moment think they are not enough. They are more than enough. Too much. I am ecstatic with my love for them and they are the reason I want to mother more children. They have made it such a joy and worthwhile challenge. It's all THEIR faults that I want more . . . . ha ha

But God divinely closed the "factory" years ago and chose not to reopen it despite our efforts to surgically accomplish this...
And I believe we are probably done adopting internationally.

So what's a mother to do?
How do I fulfill this God-given longing for more children in light of all that is happening in our family?

I go to my children rather than bringing them to me.

As we pray about and prepare for the mission field, the prospect of mothering countless additional children draws me like a moth to a flame!

The notion that I might just get to wrap my arms around a hurting child, kiss his wounds, tuck him in and cheer for his victories is almost enough to make me start packing now.

But this new opportunity to mother comes with a vicious twist.
These will not be my forever children. Just my "for a little whiles".
And I don't know how to do that yet.
How to pour heart and soul into a child and give him over to a new family.
Or back to an old one.

But I trust that He Who Calls is also He Who Equips and through Him, I can do all things.
That's what Philippians 4:13 says and I trust that word with my very life.

So as we set out to take our "forevers" to meet our "little whiles", it is with humble gratitude I say to my Heavenly Father THANK YOU for putting this crazy mothering fire in me. And thank you that it is not a hope deferred, making the heart sick.

Father, help me to learn to love the "Little Whiles"...
And to learn to give them back when it's time.

A Slice of Life

I seriously need to update the pics on the sidebar. I was noticing that yesterday.
I'll get to it. It's on "THE LIST" . . .but for now, let me share some brand new pics of these gorgeous, funny, awesome people (and pets) God has given me:

We call these pics "Ghetto Wolf Lodge" . . . who needs 30 foot waterslides when you have a large tarp, a hose and some suave shampoo???

Our beautiful daughter!

Lem's 14th Birthday! That sweet kid let little brother blow out his candles!!!

Oldest son, his good friend/prom date (for the second year in a row) and our lovely daughter . . . aaaah to be young and carefree again . . .

The Big Giveaway

From Luke Chapter 9
23 And Jesus said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. 25 For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?"

I was purposefully misleading in titling this post. Many bloggers hold "giveaways" on their blogs. I've never hosted a giveaway. I'm not entirely sure of their purpose but I'm sure I'll give it a try at some point. It might be fun.

The scripture above is one that I heard many sermons on throughout my life as a Believer. I often wrestled with understanding this passage, and specifically verse 24. It says "whoever would save his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it".

Weird, huh?

I always interpreted this scripture as saying "if anyone loves his life and tries to preserve it, God will kill him off early but whoever doesn't care about living a long life will get one". Ahhhhh . . . the doctrinal musings of a child . . .

I was completely off base in my interpretation and it was not until adulthood that I really understood, with some clarity, the purpose of this passage.

Jesus is telling us to give our lives away for the sake of His kingdom. He is telling us not to love life so much as to be attached to this world and unwilling to walk away from the things therein if He should request it. In light of our family's aim toward moving to The Philippines for ministry, this passage has taken on new vibrancy for me.

Not only am I not afraid of "losing my life" . . . I am aching to give it away! I'm literally burning inside to shake off the possessions, the comforts, the familiar, the safeguards, the predictability and the prosperity for a new thing.

Maybe that's how we know we are truly called and not just hopeful for an adventure. The fear has given way to another tide.

I am no longer afraid for my children and their safety. Nor for my own physical health.

It is slightly less hurtful to think about the family and friends that we will say "goodbye" to. Less but still present.

I am pained when I realize it may take months (or a year) for us to be boarding the plane. I wish it were sooner... And I hate to fly.

The best part of trying to give this life away is that I know even the very desire to do just that is from the Lord. It has nothing to do with our goodness as people, our clean living or Bible knowledge. It is just HIM, doing what He does best - using the weak, paltry, handicapped redeemed to do His work.

THIS is how onlookers will know any good thing that comes from our ministry is God and not people. "We are weak but He is strong" just like the song "Jesus Loves Me" conveys.

I know it will be hard and I idealize the "big giveaway" because I am writing about it from the starting line. I sit in my lovely air conditioned home, with a glass of sweet tea and a belly full of lunch, with my children all nearby and a spirit bolstered by a challenging sermon at Potter's Hand Bible Church this morning.

I am not sick. I am not sweltering. I have not been robbed recently or had to pray for funding to come in so we could eat, travel, serve or pay rent. I have not been double crossed by those who promised to help us nor have I been the subject of disparaging talk in places we had hoped to make inroads.

Those things are coming. You know how I know?

1 Peter 5:8
Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around seeking someone to devour.

THAT'S how I know.

Have you experienced The Big Giveaway in your own life? Was it through adoption? Missions? Opening your home to the needy? Supporting a ministry in a sacrificial way? Laying your life on the altar and truly, genuinely not caring much about the outcome as long as the will of God is the chief end?

I would love to hear from you! Private email. A phone call if we know each other in "real life". A comment on the blog or facebook if you're willing.

I am longing to hear from fellow Believers who took a leap with reckless abandon and landed where they knew God was pointing. Were the bitter parts REALLY made sweet along the way? It's rumored they are.

The Body of Christ . . . no place I'd rather be!

The people of God . . . my inspiration!