This morning, I sit and type, thinking about the great day ahead for our Christmas Eve. We have a communion service at church. We come home, have a devotion and open gifts with our children. Historically, we travel to my parent's home on Christmas day so that is why we began the "presents on Christmas Eve" tradition. Practically speaking, it eliminates being woken up at 5am by eager children!
But if I hear one more comment about Christmas being "all about family" or "just about being together", I may just have to pierce my own eardrums with a knitting needle.
We are going to be with our families. It is pleasant to be with them (theoretically, anyway - ha ha) but Christmas is not about that cozy, fuzzy feeling obtained when familiar people get together, eat, and trade presents.
Christmas is about the God who created the universe willingly putting on a body of flesh, submitting to be born and agreeing that the painful death awaiting him at the end of his short 33 years was worth the outcome. Christmas signifies the first step in the redemption of a fallen world. Christmas is God, extending His hand to us, mending a broken relationship, curing our spiritual disease and claiming us as His own. Christmas is the falling of the first domino in mankind's victory over sin. Christmas changed the world FOREVER.
We no longer have to sacrifice animals to have our sins forgiven.
We no longer have to communicate with God through a priest.
We no longer have to live under the law, that only condemns but can not save.
We can have PEACE WITH GOD.
We can have complete forgiveness of sins.
We can have assurance of our eternity spent with Him, enjoying His presence forever!
These things were not free. They are free to us but they cost the Holy, Perfect Creator His very life's blood.
Your forgiveness, my forgiveness. It cost a life. A perfect life. God came to pay a debt He did not owe, and it was no small bill.
Let's not trivialize these next few days by focusing on the holly-jolly-tinsel-wrapped-mistletoe-pie-in-the-oven kind of sentiments.
ENJOY CHRISTMAS!
But let each element serve to remind you of the high price paid for you and for me.
BE JOYFUL!
But let that joy come from knowing that God loves you enough to come walk this Earth and ultimately die to cover your sins. And mine.
EMBRACE YOUR FAMILY!
But do not miss the fact that Jesus loves them even more than you do and wants to have a personal relationship with each member!
Please don't miss it! Please don't have a counterfeit Christmas!
"What do you want for Christmas?".
My husband has asked me this question several times in the last 30 days.
I can't think of anything I need or want. Well, that's not true.
There are many things I "want" but none of them can be wrapped in a package and placed under a tree.
These are the things, if money was no object, that I would want this Christmas:
1. To host an orphan from The Philippines this summer
2. To go on to adopt that child - (I can not fathom hosting and NOT adopting0
3. To sell everything we own that will not fit in a suitcase and move to The
Philippines to do full-time ministry
4. To bring Lemuel's older brother to live with us. In our family. And teach him
to read.
5. To have my fear of flying, sickness and harm coming to my children ERASED.
6. For God to accomplish every item on the list above and bring fame to HIS great
name through my little, ordinary family.
My heart hurts every day. I keep thinking that we were created for MORE than the life we are living. That brings me to the next item on my ever-growing Christmas list.
7. To know the will of God for our family and walk in it. To be satisfied with what
He has called us to do whether it is a "list item" or not.
But if all those things are not to come to pass in the next two days, an anthology of Edgar Allan Poe stories and a box of good chocolates would be nice ...
Psalm 139
13For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
Happy 4th Birthday to a WONDERFUL WORK of God! You are everything that God intended. No more and no less. You are right where HE placed you. Nowhere else.
Your life is a reminder of how much God loves us. He gave us YOU . . . and we are humbled by so great a treasure placed in our undeserving hands.
May God grant extra peace and comfort to your birthmom tonight. I'm sure she knows what day it is. May he reassure her heart that you are no longer an orphan but somebody's crown jewel. Cherished. Wanted. Protected. Highly valued.
We can't wait to see who you become. How much you will achieve. How many lives you will touch with your sweet, shy, funny ways.
You are spectacular.
Happy birthday, Ezekiel.
Our amazing wonder baby!
I'm not just a blogger, I'm a blog reader. I like having a voyeuristic little peek into the lives of other families. I like feeling like I'm eavesdropping on the victories and struggles that families like mine sometimes face. But I'm often chagrined as I read.
I get the sneaking suspicion that SOME blogging Mamas are painting too pretty a picture of their lives ON OCCASION. Maybe I'm being snarky here. But I just MIGHT have a point . . .
Early on in my life as a homeschooling parent, I would often read the posts from wiser, more "mature" mothers on our online support group and leave the computer in tears. THEIR children were studying Latin at four years old. THEIR children were willingly giving all their birthday gifts to starving children in Africa. THEIR children were cooking full meals for their families at six years old while Mama milked the goats, milled her own wheat, tilled her organic garden and sewed yet another beautiful garment - ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wondered WHY it seemed everyone else had brilliant, altruistic, near-perfect children when mine were just . . . regular kids. It was not until I was invited to the home of one of the most active "posters" on the loop that my fears were assuaged. Pardon the graphic nature of this little stroll down memory lane but, within five minutes of entering her home, two of her children had a SCREAMING fight and one ate a bugger while making eye contact with me. It hit me like a ton of bricks - I compared the "public image" she shared of her family with the intimate, deep, inner workings of my own family. It was apples to oranges! My pride was wounded by her paintbrush ... until the visit.
Those of us who are stay-at-home moms, and especially if we homeschool, have an awful lot of self-worth tied up in our prodigy. Singing their virtues to the world is another way of validating all the blood, sweat and tears invested in these tiny, flawed beings. When they shine, we shine.
It is important, though, to remember that those of us who read blogs are often looking for something: encouragement. We want to be reassured that, despite the failings and missteps our children sometimes take, they are normal and forgiveness is at hand. We want to know that although we are not perfect parents, our Heavenly father is and that HE is working, through the trials and joys, to craft our children into the image of HIS son.
Moms need to know that ALL moms . . . even "good" moms, make mistakes or get tired sometimes. We eat cereal for dinner, let the laundry pile up until we have to "go commando", and we take the day off school when we probably should have opened the books. We slip up and say a bad word every now and then and miss a quiet time in trade for half an hour on Facebook. We don't take pride in our shortcomings but we recognize they are there. We ask for forgiveness when it's called for and strive to do better the next day.
That's what grace is for.
That's why blogs and books by "perfect moms" lose their appeal so quickly. The discouragement of an unattainable standard weighs heavy on the heart. The desire to shrink our babies back to infancy and have a "do over" is not an option and we believe the "goat milking, organic food serving, husband nightly devotion leading" life is the only one that pleases God.
Hogwash!
The life that pleases God is laid out clearly in His word.
"A broken and a contrite heart the Lord your God will not despise". Psalm 51:17
and
"He opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble". James 4:6
There is no one perfect but Jesus Himself. Anyone who sets herself up as such is a fraud.
Yes, we moms have much to learn from each other. Many of us are weak in areas where others are strong. Many of us are practiced in disciplines where others are new.
Every word shared should be "seasoned with salt and full of GRACE" Col.4:6.
Read with caution, dear sisters. Stick with what challenges you and spurs you on to love and good deeds.
I have found myself, OFTEN, bristling when a friend or acquaintance announces with glee her intention to adopt a child from an Eastern European country. I have pigeonholed this region of the world as the WORST possible place from which to adopt! Some of my prejudice (and yes, it is prejudice, plain and simple) revolves around my time spent in a large online adoption group. In that group, I followed the adoption processes of many families through EE. Some of those families had to pay bribes while in country. Some had to stay weeks -even months- longer in country than planned due to paperwork snags. A couple of families arrived in country only to find their intended child has living birth family refusing to consent to the adoption. I have read blogs of crushed parents, returning home empty-handed and thousands of dollars poorer. There are no guarantees in any adoption process but in EE, it seems you are almost guaranteed a bumpy ride!
I have asked myself WHY a parent would risk the money, time and heartache adopting from such a tenuous place.
And then I log on to Reece's Rainbow (www.reecesrainbow.org).
And I see the section called "In Loving Memory".
And I look at face after face with almond-shaped eyes, Down Syndrome features like those of my own son.
And I realize they are dead orphans. Never claimed.
They, most likely, died in miserable internats, on plastic mattresses in puddles of their own urine.
Many starved.
Many could have been saved with a simple operation or penicillin.
They would have loved a chance to sleep in a Thomas the Tank Engine or Dora the Explorer comforter, tucked in with hugs and kisses and "I love yous" from parents who can honestly say "the pleasure is all mine". They would have loved that.
Any child would.
I hear stories of teenagers turned out onto the streets at sixteen years old with just a backpack and a "good luck" as they go, with no education and no job skills, to make lives for themselves. I read that the suicide rate is astronomical among these teens and that boys and girls alike, turn to prostitution for survival. I think of my own teens, able to definitively state that they are saving their purity for marriage. It never crosses their mind that they may have to trade it for food or a warm jacket.
And I soften. Not toward a corrupt system or greedy adults. Not toward a culture that views orphans as less-than. But I soften toward these parents, who know they will be walking a tightrope over an open volcano and decide to brave the trip anyway. They go. Hoping it will not be THEY who fall prey to greed or bait-and-switch tactics. But knowing they might. They go. Leaving behind biological children, jobs, commitments and a cushy life of hot running water and Starbucks on every corner.
So, to those friends and readers who are preparing a walk toward your child in Eastern Europe. You have my respect. My prayers. You are far braver than I. Your calling scares me to no end and I feel grateful that God has not (as of yet) called my family to that region. I am frightened of everything related to that part of the word - the mentality, the post-communism harshness,the lack of English speakers (ha ha). . . you name it!
And yet I know that our God is everywhere, all the time. I have no doubt HE has placed HIS angels in the most unlikely places there to reach out to and touch those HE desires. I have heard there is vibrant, active MINISTRY there. People are coming to Christ there. Hearts are being turned toward HIM and, through that, toward the neediest in the country.
So I have purposed in my heart for the next eight days to pray for eight of the countries of Eastern Europe. Some of those are non Hague countries involved in adoptions to the United States. I am weary about even this. Because God has called me out of my comfort zone so many times after this sort of conviction. If he calls us there, I know HE will be the safety net.
The countries I am praying for, starting today (Sunday, Dec. 11) are:
1. Ukraine
2. Russia
3. Latvia
4. Bulgaria
5. Kazakhstan
6. Belarus
7. Moldova
8. Serbia
Lord, forgive my prejudice heart.
Children Aging Out of Their EE Orphanage - Off to Start Their "Lives"
Recently, it was brought to my attention that my family is considered a "large family". According to yahoo answers and wikipedia, "a family with more than four children constitutes a 'large family' in this century". A family with more than seven children can be considered a "mega family" and a family with more than twelve children . . . well, it was hard to find NICE adjectives online to describe a family with more than twelve children. When you do an internet search of families with more than twelve children, many of those "zero population growth" folks have snatched up domain names and jumped onto soap boxes that leave no room for celebrating a family of any size. For them, even one child is one child too many! Bah! Humbug!
This little research project got me thinking of all the reasons a big family is such a wonderful place to be! I don't mean to slight or show disrespect to families of few children. It's my intention share my heart in praise of large families and mention some of the things I have observed in my own family that have changed for the better as we've added members.
Large Families are Great Because:
1. There is always someone to snuggle/play/hang out with
2. There is generally at least ONE person who is on your side in an argument, no matter how wrong you are
3. Mom and Dad never have to worry about gaining too much weight because there is often a pair of eyes (or two) looking at them pleadingly while they try to enjoy that last piece of pie. Those same eyes are near to a pair of ears that can detect the pantry door or cellophane opening from a mile away!
4. Sharing is second nature
5. Nobody's a picky eater
6. You have many opportunities to serve others right in your own home
7. We can carry the groceries in in just ONE trip!
8. Pet care, chores, and yard work are shared among many sets of hands.
9. Our sitters love our children as much as we do - they are their siblings!
10. My definition of "loud" has changed dramatically and I can now concentrate almost anywhere
11. The bathroom is the only place anyone is ever alone so when someone is missing as we head out of the house, we always know where to look
12. You learn that "me time" is highly over rated
13. Finally . . .a big family is a place where you can be yourself, find a friend, get honest feedback, share ideas, be a counselor and a counselee, share inside jokes, and teach someone something new . . . ALL IN ONE DAY!
Anthony,Aaron, Elliana, Francis, Lemuel, Kyle and Ezekiel - you make life in a big family just one big adventure! I'm so thankful that we get to learn all this stuff together!
I recently had the incredible misfortune of reading an article online (sent to me by an appalled friend) that was penned by an adult adoptee. This adult adoptee is a bitter young woman who is angry about being "snatched from her culture, language and homeland" by her wealthy, white adoptive parents. She goes on to lament a lifetime of LOOKING Asian and not BEING Asian. She felt she never fit in anywhere. She was a perfect, chubby, beautiful baby the day her parents boarded the plane to Korea. She was not, however, an orphan. After much research and several trips back to her native country (and years learning the language), the author of this article discovered living parents, aunts, uncles, full-blooded siblings and an entire village built around her lineage. This is one of the saddest adoption stories I have ever read. It's sad on several levels. First, the author never felt fully embraced by her adoptive family, she was always left with an empty ache of needing to find where she truly belongs. Second, she turned out to be right. She was not a true orphan. She was the spawn of a young, unmarried girl who later went on to marry the baby's father and build a life with him. But who knew?
Adoption is laden with miry ethical issues that are often swept aside by parents longing for the warmth and responsibility of a baby. Adoptive parents sometimes don't know the full story. Under the Hague Convention, a "true orphan" is a child who is either:
1. one of parents who are deceased
2. a child who has been legally, voluntarily surrendered by biological parents
3. a child who has been declared neglected and abandoned by the court system
The young woman in the story was none of these. She was taken to a clinic by a distant relative and left there. Her anguished mother searched for her for months.
The relative felt he was doing the mother a favor and, in time, she would see the gift she was given in being unfettered.
Why am I, a four-time international adoptive parent, even discussing such a sensitive topic? Why would I want to put something into print that might make a family second guess the decision to adopt? Because it is VITAL to the future health of your family and your adopted child to be careful when adopting. A child who's parents are deceased should have solid evidence in his paperwork of such. A child who has been legally surrendered should have surrender paperwork (ours even includes the thumbprint from the surrendering parent. I look at these prints often and, for some reason, they are extra precious). A child declared abandoned by the courts will have a long paper trail of attempts to locate birth family, court appearances, and that child will likely be OLDER because it takes time to properly execute a search for a parent who, may not even know their child is on the fast-track out of the country.
Your best chance of being certain that you are adopting a true orphan is to adopt from a "Hague Convention Country". These countries have agreed to abide by rules that decrease the likelihood of child trafficking. They are agreed that beautiful babies "found in a park" might just have more to their stories.
The draw back? Many children from Hague Convention Countries are older children. They have had to wait for documents and signatures to complete their files. Those surrendered directly at birth by parents are not as plentiful and families who feel they need a small, healthy infant must wait a long time in a Hague Country, for a match.
Yes, The Philippines is a Hague County. They are transparent in all their paperwork, fees and timelines, in my experience. The children offered there for adoption are "true orphans". In fact, our agency just received a new batch of files of waiting children. No. There are no tiny babies there (several toddlers, though) but there ARE gorgeous sibling groups. There are children who have waited a long time to be claimed as sons and daughters. There are kids there who my family MET IN PERSON and fell in love with on the last trip to The Philippines. Uh oh . . . (ha ha) yes, there's one little five year old boy on that list who is a heart-stealer. He has some special needs but those only serve to make him CUTER, in my humble opinion.
Are you considering adding to your family through adoption? Please consider a true orphan. PLEASE consider a Hague Convention Country. Adoption is a slow and painful test of patience no matter which route you take but a true orphan from a Hague Country may help your family, in the long run, to avoid some of the doubts and heartache that come with a child who knows, deep in her heart, that she had another life where she was someone's treasure. Kids know. Even young children. Somehow, they know. I believe God placed a sense in us, of where we belong. Is there a true orphan out there who belongs with you?
I have, by far, the most wonderful blog readers in the WORLD! My previous post regarding Lemuel's list brought so many sweet, affirming, been-there-done-that, comments and private emails that, once again, I am on the receiving end of multiplied blessings. I save those emails like candy in my pocket and read them at the lowest times in our battle with Reactive Attachment Disorder.
RAD is an ugly beast that makes children hard to love and makes parents throw their hands up, no matter how much reading, training, success or "good OTHER kids" they may have. RAD lays low even the most confident parent. Trust me. I have lived on both sides of the tracks. I was smug when my children were 10, 8 and 4. There was no RADish. Our word was law. Our kids were obedient and drew compliments on their behavior, manners and appearances everywhere we went. I remember an older lady approaching me at Taco Bell one afternoon to tell me that she has never seen such polite children in public and that our son's pre-meal prayer brought a tear to her eye. I was thrilled that she was hard-of-hearing and made these statements ten decibels louder than necessary.
RAD is the vehicle God has chosen to use to show us that HIS grace is sufficient. Through RAD, we realize that we are but dust (one "t" in "but" . . .ha ha) and HE is all that matters. RAD has shown us that missing ONE quiet time matters and that hugs and kisses are never to be taken for granted.
God is sovereign and His will can NOT be thwarted. He has handed us both bitter and sweet pills to swallow in this life and all that He allots is, in essence, good, useful and a means to the ultimate end - making HIS name great.
As I hug Lemuel goodnight tonight, things are so sweet. We are having a "good week" and his love feels like a fragile butterfly. I want to catch it and keep it in a jar on my dresser so it can't fly away. But just like a butterfly, I know it will die if I try to trap it. I have to appreciate it while it's near me but not make any sudden moves. I tell him "I love you" at least twice a day. Sometimes he answers in kind and other times . . . silence. The jar sits open.
I'm the ADULT. I'm the MOTHER. I'm the one who had a great childhood in a Christian family and always knew that, to at least two other people, I was a superstar. I must take the risks in this relationship with a child who has none of those benefits.
So I sign off tonight, bolstered by the hearts of my readers, who have shared with me that they, too, often walk down foggy paths, chasing their butterflies.
Thank you, yet again, for filling my pockets with "candy" for those rainy days when the jar is open and the butterfly is nowhere to be seen.
Earlier this week, my best friend posted a hilarious, heart warming story on her blog about her oldest daughter (www.fromgodstummy.blogspot.com) called "The List". In this true story, she recounts a situation in which her daughter composed a list of conversation starters in preparation for a "date" with her mom and dad. The list included subjects such as "The Economy" and "Dad's Work" - things your average child ponders daily (ha ha).
The post I'm preparing to write sounds eerily similar to my friend's post but I promise you (with my pinky in the air - since typing while raising my right hand is impossible) that I, too, stumbled on a list just yesterday. I was putting a pair of Lemuel's socks in his drawer when a piece of lined notebook paper caught my eye. I pulled it out and sat on the edge of his bed to read. I will type it below just as he wrote it, misspellings and all, and there is no need to elaborate on it.
He said it all.
BIG GOAL (underlined 6 times)
Things I Must Know!
1. Think before you speek
2. Tell the truth
3. Think of others
4. Do not make up things
5. Say things that are right
6. Be careful what you say
7. Obey your perant
8.ITS Not About Me All The Time!
9. Obey all the rules around the house
10. Wait and think about the things I did and tell them the truth
John 14:21 (Obey) Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me.
Psalm 39:1 and 2
I said I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin: as long as the wicked are in my presence. But when I was silent and still, not even saying anything good, my anguish increased.
Proverbs 10:18
He who conceals his hatred has lying lips and whoever spreads slander is a fool.
He knows how to use his Bible's concordance. That's where the scripture came from.
Upon reading this list, at least some of my ire faded. I still have my guard up. We have been on this roller coaster for years and I believe there are more drops ahead. But there's a slice of hope. A tiny ray of light snaggled in when I read this note. There IS, in fact, a sprout of conscience there. He DOES care about doing right. I feel "safer" when he's on my "naughty list", just like he does. Feeling warm and loving toward him is risky. Your hand gets slapped back inevitably but he's just a CHILD. There's still hope . . .
I have been actively blogging for about two years now. The original intent of my blog was to allow friends, family and any interested folks to follow the adoption journey of our precious Ezekiel. The blog is aptly named.
At times of great joy or distress, I have branched out and blogged about other subjects. I also follow my stats and have found the blog entries that receive exponentially more hits than any others are those centering around our 13 year old son who has been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder. The posts receiving literally thousands of views were the following:
Adoption Disruption, The Down and Dirty
Lemuel's Story, Part 2
Bonding: The Flap and the Facts
I believe there is an unmet need in the adoption community for parents of difficult children to speak out in truth. Many hide in shame. Many blame themselves for not being able to "bond properly". Many are worried about the "I Told You So's" that will come their way. I have worried about those things, too. They are real.
What I am most worried about right now is that I have made myself out to be a liar. I have said countless times in the posts referenced above that Lem is "ours forever" and that he's "home for good" and yet, today, I don't know if I can keep to that. No, he has not been violent or sexually acted out with anyone but the constant lying is wearing me down in a way that I have never experienced. The lies are small and silly in terms of subject matter but they are intentional, ugly and calculated at the same time.
I'm never sure HOW much to share on this blog. I think it's unfair to speak cryptically and in generalities when I know there are families hungry for kinship in this difficult struggle. So I will use plain speak. Lem has lied several times in the last couple of days, and ALWAYS in the evening after a good day of family time together. He is sabotaging himself yet again.
A few nights ago, we all went to a basketball game. Lem was unusually loving to all of us and his efforts were met with great success. After the game, we went to a sandwich shop connected to a gas station (very classy joint - ha ha) and my sons went to the gas station area to buy some candy. Upon return to the table, a younger sibling says "Kuya Lem was breaking candy bars and putting them back on the shelf". Lem quickly pipes up "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT". The younger sibling replies "you went like this" and does a snapping motion with his hand "and you said 'ha ha ha' and you did it lots of times to lots of candy". Lem wilted. "Well, the FIRST candy bar was an accident". We leave immediately. I talk to him on the way home about trustworthiness, about being the same person whether you're being watched by mom and dad or not, etc. etc. etc. I feel like Charlie Brown's teacher . . wah wah wha wha . .. because I have said these things before. We have punished, spanked, grounded, prayed, talked, copied scripture, talked and talked and talked . . . my heart hurts. I want him to evaporate so the rest of us can be happy. Ouch.
The next morning, hubby takes Lem back to the gas station to pick out the amount of candy he believes he ruined and make him pay for it. There was NINE DOLLARS worth of chocolate in his basket. NINE DOLLARS worth of "accidents" . . .yeah, right. Lem paid for the candy and then had to tell the cashier what he had done and leave the bag of candy there for the cashier to give to whomever she thinks might want it. They came home and he sulked but he was in his familiar "cozy" place, the dog house. He was far, in heart and spirit, from the chattering, bustling, fun loving family. He chose to be alone in his room and flog himself for the rest of the day. Fine with me. Perfect, in fact.
Yesterday's lie revolved around him hurting Ezekiel "accidentally" and then, having no idea why the baby was crying. Luckily, he's part of this big family and privacy is as scarce as hen's teeth. The whole incident was witnessed by one of my perfectly trustworthy children who came forth with the truth. Lem did not deny it when confronted but simply said "oh, I didn't feel it". I think a trip to the neurologist is in order to have those synapses checked. He is losing feeling in his extremities, apparently. This,too, happened at the end of a GREAT family day. We cleaned out the shed as a family. We put up the old tent in the backyard and the kids played in it for hours. We even let him watch Ezekiel for about ten minutes when I went in to cook lunch. He was given a bit of trust (yes, I cooked right near the kitchen window but, in THEORY, he was being trusted). He just had to end this yucky closeness and get back to the cozy isolation so he made sure, at 9pm, to end the night with a "bang". I sent him to bed with a very succinct warning about Ezekiel. I confirmed that if he really wants to ruin the rest of his natural life, he will hurt that baby again. I told him using someone who can't talk or understand is shameful. He began to cry. A good sign. There's something rattling around in there. But is it enough? Is there even a baby sprout of conscience that makes all of this family focus worth it? I don't know. I used to think "YES" but now I think "hmmmm?". These seemingly small incidents happen many times each week. Behind closed doors, my husband and I have adjusted a lawyer joke to fit our family.
Me: How can we tell if Lem is lying?
Hubby: Because his lips are moving . . . (cue two drum beats and a cymbal)
I am a huge music lover and there is one song I have listened to dozens of times this week. It is "I Will Not Be Moved" by Natalie Grant. She sings of steadfast devotion to God that can not be shaken by circumstances. I want to have that same devotion. First to my Savior but also to this broken child. I just don't know if I can hang on much longer.
Maybe this whole post is just the result of a couple of hard back-to-back days and I will be back to my positive, hopeful self after church tomorrow. Church always helps. But this time is different. I feel "done". Please forgive me, readers, if the shine has fallen completely off and you feel like giving up, too. It is always my intention to encourage with my posts. I hope to be able to post in a few days that all is well but this time around, I'm just not sure . . .
It's time to make the leap! It's time to move on what you feel the Lord is leading you to do, despite the fears and reservations you may be harboring.
It's time to APPLY for Share Your Summer 2012 if you suspect the Lord may be calling you to open your front door and receive a blessing in the form of a child from The Philippines!!!!!!!!!!!! (This hosting program is for families who are in NC, upper SC, lower VA or who are able to spend a month in the Charlotte area this summer).
I have talked, both online and in person, with many families who shared with me their desire to host this summer and to be open to pursuing adoption and the common concern in all these conversations is (say it with me . . . ) THE MONEY!
The financial side of hosting and adopting is real. It's there. It's a necessary part of transporting a human 8,000 miles via airplane with all the required documents and mandatory pre-screening. But it doesn't need to be the sole obstacle that keeps your family from experiencing the life-changing, Christ-honoring, radical step of obedience that adoption can be.
Those of you who have stuck by this blog for any length of time know that we have FOUR sons from The Philippines. FOUR SEPARATE ADOPTIONS - adoption totals over $20,000 apiece. Those of you who know us in real life know that we are a single-income family of modest means. We don't have a large home. We don't drive brand-new cars. We are just "average Joes". HOWEVER, the Lord provided for all four of our adoptions with absolutely NO DEBT! We did not have to use a home equity line, we did not have to take out a loan. We do not even own credit cards . . . please be encouraged that God ALWAYS pays for what He orders! Always! If you are led to adopt an older child, there are many grants available for that. Some organizations specialize in helping older children find their families before it's too late. If your intended child has special needs, more grants are out there.
Let me share a few great fund raising ideas that helped us grow this little, "normal" family into a big, "abnormal" family (ha ha):
1. Write a Christmas letter to people you would normally send a card to. Let them know of your family's desire to host/adopt and ask them to consider a donation in lieu of a gift this year. This is the perfect time of year as people are often pausing to consider how blessed they have been and sometimes those people start to look for a way to share their blessings with others.
2.Get Selling! From Craigslist to ebay, get rid of items you aren't using and let that money begin to fund your hosting/adoption efforts.
3. Turn to your church family. The body of Christ was MADE to be His hands and feet to the lost, hurting, fatherless and needy. Ask permission to host a "parents night out" where your family and some volunteers can watch children for three hours while moms and dads have a night out. Leave a donation jar at the door of the child care area for grateful families to contribute to your hosting/adoption fund.
4. Host a spaghetti dinner. Buy those divided foam boxes from a restaurant supply store and then let everyone in your life know that pre-ordered spaghetti dinners can be picked up (or delivered for a small fee) on a particular night. If your own kitchen can not accommodate cooking for many or if your home is out "in the boonies", see if you can use your church's facilities for cooking and pick ups. Include salad, a piece of Italian bread and dessert. How many of your lady friends would love to support a good cause AND skip cooking for the night? I'm always game for that!!!!
5. Hold a talent show at your church. Ask the kids, youth and talented adults to sign up to perform. After half the acts are complete, spend a few minutes sharing your heart with the audience and ask the audience to consider helping your family host/adopt through a financial gift (of course, you MUST tell the folks ahead of time that the talent show is also a fund raiser - NO SURPRISES when fund raising. Always be forthright about your purposes and intentions). Let admission be free. Sell concessions for a reasonable price and pass the offering plate mid-show. You don't even have to speak if you're not inclined to do so. Have a friend stand up for you.
I know some of you may feel tired just reading that short list. It seems a lot of work to fund raise. It causes you to put yourself "out there" and risk rejection. There WILL be people who don't understand your calling. There WILL be people who tell you that you should only be helping children in your own country and not looking abroad but there will also be people who see your heart, understand the need and jump in to toil alongside you.
A sweet, precious woman from our church heard about our plans to adopt Ezekiel and she called me and asked if she could start a fund raising group called "Friends of Ezekiel"!!!!! It blew my mind to know that God was moving OTHERS to go to these great lengths for our family. All the work was not "on me". It was shared among our own family and other believers. Friends of Ezekiel raised thousands of dollars for our adoption! THOUSANDS! I am still in awe when I think back on that time. I know that my friend Cindy, her daughter and the others who worked with Friends of Ezekiel did not do it because they wanted anything in return. They did it out of obedience to the Lord and He blessed it over and over.
Please consider contacting Christian Adoption Services (www.christianadopt.org) and getting started on that application if you have been leaning that way. God is faithful, even when you're fearful! Want to know a little secret? I've been scared EVERY SINGLE TIME (shhhh). . .
