To My "Trauma Mamas"

There's a lot going on right now.  I don't think anyone would argue with the statement that the world is in a bit of a mess. Whether you believe coronavirus/ COVID-19 is a big media blow-up, a legit threat to humanity or something in between, you can't deny it's impact on everything. From the availability of tissue paper to the closing of schools, everyone feels it.

Nobody feels changes in the air quite as deeply as our hyper vigilant "children from hard places".

If you're an adoptive parent, a person who serves wounded children directly or the  parent of a child who has been through a life-altering event, you understand the effect this recent pandemic is having all too well. 

Before I get too deep in here, let me say two things. First, every child responds to trauma differently.  This post is not intended to be a "one-size-fits-all".  Second, the title of this post is not meant to diminish the role of fathers in healing trauma. You guys are vital.  But the vast majority of families I know who cope with kids from hard places would agree that "mommy issues" from early abandonment tend to put the bullseye on mothers in a more  obvious way. 

Here are some behavioral changes you may be seeing in your children/teens from hard places during the course of the pandemic and some strategies to try:

Withdrawing- some kids simply don't have the words to put to their feelings when life feels like it's spinning out of control. They are afraid of losing you. They are afraid of being sick. They miss the familiar routine and faces that brought them a sense of being anchored. And it overwhelms them to the point of silence.  It is tempting to hound that child into opening up.  We want to help. We know talking things out can bring peace.  Please don't.  Make an offer to listen.  Ask your withdrawn child if he/she is feeling afraid. Let him know you are always willing to talk. Leave an encouraging note or Bible verse  if he is a reader.  Fill your home with worship music and joyful conversation (in as much as it's genuine).  Some children willingly talk out their feelings while others find the pressure of being expected to know themselves and verbalize what's inside too daunting. 

Acting Out - the less-welcome cousin of withdrawing is acting out. Most of us know exactly what this looks and feels like and the instincts we have in addressing it are often exactly the opposite of what will be constructive and helpful.  If your child is crying more easily, being more difficult to redirect or just flat our rebelling during this virus event, you have a few choices in how to handle it. And you're tired. You're quarantined. You also need a break and feel like you can't cope with one more behavioral issue. So your response to the acting out may not be something you'd be proud of. Pause and REJECT the desire to put your child in isolation. Sending a traumatized child to his room alone, walking out of the room on him, having him "think it over" in a place where he is alone (unless you are afraid you might physically harm him), shunning him or having others shun him or locking a door and leaving him inside an area  are NEVER the best responses. Children from trauma backgrounds already feel unlovable and unwanted at their cores. Isolating them at their worst just reinforces that belief.  "I am bad".    "I don't have anyone".   "I can not be fixed".  Those are the mantras of children of trauma.   YOU have the power to help them relearn their internal narrative. But it will take loads of patience and coming OUTSIDE of yourself. Instead of pushing away a child who is acting out, draw him in closer.  It will feel counter intuitive but, I promise, it will work. It may take months or years, but it will yield the harvest you are hoping for. 

For example, if your seven year old can't figure out how to do a jigsaw puzzle, becomes frustrated and pushes the whole puzzle off the table crying, go to him.  Hold him if he will let you. Reassure him that he is smart, he is loved and you want to help him handle his anger better.  After he is calm, help him pick up the pieces. Calmly tell him he has to use more self control. Talk about ways he can handle the anger next time it comes. If you want to enact a logical consequence like not allowing him to use the puzzles again for a week, do it. But all of that discussion ONLY after he is calm and ready to interact. Dragging him off to his room in the heat of his anger and tears would have only resulted in prolonged crying. And some of our trauma babies can cry for HOURS . . . can I get an "amen"? 

If you do give out consequences, make sure they fit the offense and have an end in sight. When a child sees no end to the punishments, he quickly gives up hope. 

Fatalistic Thinking - Your traumatized child may quickly jump to "worse-case-scenario" thinking in the light of this crisis.  Trying to shield him from the TV news or from hearing about covid-19 deaths will backfire. He will likely imagine the death toll to be much higher than it actually is and will probably hear the news when you think he isn't listening anyway.  Be realistic at his level of understanding. If it might comfort him, show him a pie chart online of all the diagnosed cases and what a small sliver of the pie result in death.  He should not be lied to or given false promises that "mommy won't let that big, bad virus get you". A little bit of concern is merited so he will observe good hygiene and submit more willingly to staying home.  If your child is given to fatalistic thinking, he is only remembering that sometimes the worst things that could happen , have happened. Remind him of times in the past that he thought "the sky was falling" and it didn't. Encourage him that he is not alone and that if you get sick or his grandmother gets sick , there are many trusted adults who will always take care of him. You may think the fear he is having is all about you, Mama. But it's about him. "Who will take care of me?".  Maybe the feeling of having no one to really care for him was more than just a "feeling" in the past.  Assure him that he is loved and will have his needs met for the rest of his life. 

Over Exhuberance - a child from a tough background who takes everything in stride may not be "super tough" or "super resilient" as we would like to believe. There are times that the overly-cheerful, water-off-a-duck's-back kid is just a hair's breath away from panic.  And he simply believes projecting joy and cheer will camouflage his true self.  You know your child. If you have seen a drastic upturn in his joy level that coincides with the virus lockdown, keep your eyes open. Keep your radar tuned in to teachable moments or "cracks in the armor" when he might give you a glimpse into his heart.  When the time is right, just say it. "You're scared, aren't you?".  "It's normal to feel worried when a lot of people are getting a strange sickness. If you're upset about it, you can tell me."

Maybe he will, maybe he won't.  But you've left that door open that reminds him that he can always be real with you, whether the real him is happy or sad.  

I'm sure there are a range of other changes you may be seeing in your kids as we navigate the waters of this virus together.  I chose the four I see most frequently in my own boys, who do life with me inside Mercy House all day, every day.  If we, as Mamas and Daddies have our own hard histories and we haven't put them in perspective and prayed through them, we might be seeing these reactions in ourselves as well. That complicates the family dynamic a little but if that's you, face reality and do the heart work in yourself as well.  Spend time in God's word daily. Talk to Him about your own fears and reactions to them. You can rest assured He won't isolate you, walk away, remind you of your own shortcoming on a regular basis. He will reassure you that you are loved, you belong to Him. Your mistakes can be forgiven and that He is sanctifying you through every high and low you walk through. 

For our own children, let's be like Him.  Nobody knows parenting better than the Perfect Parent. 

Nobody needs patient forgiveness and understand like His children. 

Home

Taken the first time we ever saw him

The first time I ever saw Adonis he was high. We were having a medical outreach and feeding in his city, sponsored by a friend from North Carolina. There was spaghetti, chicken, hygiene kits  and candy given to more than 100 street children.  There were testimonies shared, prayers prayed and lots of hugs and medicine handed out to some pretty neglected kids. And then it was time to clean up and go home.  But at the very end of the program, one of our Mercy House boys came to me and  said "Can my cousin come and live with us?".  I had almost gotten away. Almost.

But he introduced me to the child in the photo above. 

I could tell he was on some sort of drug by his behavior - lots of laughing and smiling. He could not focus on what I was saying. He stepped outside my direct line of sight and peed on a wooden post about two feet from me.   And I was  a little scared of him.  He was 15 years old -  older than any other children we had at the time - and he was clearly saturated by street life in a "leveled up" way from that of our other clients.  So I asked him to add me on facebook (as most street children here have a facebook account that they check often from the internet cafes when they can find the money), assuming he would lose the scrap of paper I had written my name on for him,  and I left him there in the city, a little relieved that I didn't have that "heart tug" that so often knocks me over when I  meet a child we are supposed to invite into our Mercy House family. 

But by the time I got back to the  center, a friend request from Adonis was in my computer.  And a long message written by a different street child informing me that Adonis could not read or write but he would really like to come and live with us, go to school and "fix his life".  The friend shared with me that Adonis has bad asthma and was sick a lot and that he would be "a good boy" for me.  I laughed.  Because I had heard that before and the kids promising they were "good boys" were almost always the worst behavior problems.  I was getting jaded. Or experienced. Or both. 

So, I lay down that night in my bed to pray for the kids we had served that day and to ask the Lord what to do now for specific children. And the words  "go get Adonis" kept coming to mind. I think I said "NO WAY" out loud. And I tried to reason it was not the prompting of the Lord but  my own "savior complex" putting that thought in my head.  I tried to focus on the foolishness of accepting a child that old with that many issues into our center. But that nagging. It would not go away.  And  I knew. 

The following day, I asked our social worker to call the city social worker from Adonis' town and ask about him. She BEGGED us to come and pick him up. She shared the problems he caused in the street,  the stealing and vandalism. The bullying of younger children, the constant use of drugs in public - and so much more.   So, with more fear than faith, we  went to his city to ask him if he was serious about changing his life.

Admission Day

He came into our center and slept for about three days, ate an inordinate amount of food and began to be more "himself" as the substances he relied on to keep him feeling strong and happy wore off. 

And for about 5 months, he did well with us.

Until he didn't. 

A few months after leaving Mercy House

He began to miss the drugs, the computer shop, the girls, the begging and the money. So he began to act out inside the center - disrespecting staff, bullying other children, anything to draw attention to himself  and disrupt whatever activities were going on.  So we counseled him regularly about his actions. We prayed with him and for him. But, eventually, he insisted that we get him back to his city of origin or he would just run away.  So with the cooperation of the local government and Adonis' birth mother, we reunited him with a very fragile family that we knew would not  be able to handle him.

Sadly, we were right. He was in the street again. 

Within a week, Adonis was messaging us asking if he could come back into our home.  But upon his leaving, our Mercy House boys began to share with us some pretty extreme things Adonis was doing while living with us- things they were afraid to disclose until he was gone.  So we went and met him face to face to let him know we could not take him back and why, but we would help him find a place if he was open to another home. 

We found him in the street easily as everyone in that city knows him. He was having an asthma attack and had no medicine so, we immediately  bought two inhalers, one for him to keep in his pocket and  one for the city social worker to keep in her desk and give to him when the first ran out. She agreed to do that for us.  

We fed him lunch and then he fell asleep on a city park bench, head on my lap, and all I could do was put my hand on his and pray silently - for his protection, for a center that could handle all the behaviors and keep their other kids safe, for the God who made Adonis for a bigger purpose to begin to reveal to that young man that he was created for so much more than the life he was currently living.  And then, with heavy hearts, we left him there to search for a place that could handle this difficult boy with the beautiful heart.  We had seen so much in him that was worth saving. So many sweet moments and protective instincts toward our staff.  

Enter: Kid's Home International.  Pastor Raffy Sison and his staff were introduced to us by an Action International missionary, my friend Erin.  Pastor Raffy runs a tight ship. He serves older boys 15-18 and some have committed serious offenses. He opened his home to Adonis and we were beyond grateful! Adonis thrived there. He learned to read. He learned to handle the word of God and serve in outreaches. He learned to hand wash his own clothing and take responsibility for himself and, best of all to us, he was only about 15 miles from Mercy House so we were allowed to visit him there. 

For 11 months, Adonis did well in the program at Kid's Home  but eventually approached Pastor Raffy and asked if he could be excused from the program. He  had asked that in the past but always changed his  mind after some counseling.  This time, it was different. Pastor Raffy texted Mercy House and shared with us that Adonis wants to return to us and he was 100% certain this time that he wanted to leave Kid's Home.  

I would be lying to say I wasn't at least a little thrilled at the prospect of getting him back.  

We missed him. Visiting him at KH and seeing his growth and maturity were highlights of our days. Knowing he was in the perfect place for him - the safest and most Christ-focused place he could have asked for - was the answer to so many prayers for that young man. But hearing he wanted to come back to us  and was now more READY was also an answer. 

So we went and got him. And brought him home.  He is now 17 years old and no longer the skinny, hyper active, drug dependent kid we met two years ago on the streets of his city.  He's a young man who is showing himself to be a good big brother to the kids here at Mercy House. He leads devotions. He helps the staff with any heavy lifting or labor-intensive jobs without being asked. And, my goodness, that sense of humor and smile just light up this place.

How did we make it for so long without him?   

And I share this for a few reasons. First, just to flat out spread the joy we have at being given a second chance with this boy. Second, to thank Kid's Home and Pastor Raffy and his staff a MILLION TIMES OVER for taking a chance on Adonis and for also being willing to give him back after  they all did so much of the hard work it took to get him to be the young man we see before us: changed by the power of God and looking more like His Son than we imagined he could.  

And third, I share this because all of  you who pray for and support Mercy House have a hand in the redemption of this boy .  And, people, if this was the ONLY child we served in our whole ministry. It would still be worth  the leaving and the selling and the coming across the ocean.  The resources we have invested to visit him, buy medicine and now to care for him every day come from those of you with a heart for street kids and the gospel.  And we can not express well enough how valuable you are.  

We eagerly await the rest of this story. We are not naive enough to think it will be smoothing sailing for the next couple of years and then Adonis lands that corporate job and rides off into the sunset to live "happily ever after".  Kids with rough beginnings tend to have a lot of extra work to do just to rise to the level of average kids in intact families.  But we put all of our trust in our Great Great God, to show us how to meet this young man's needs day by day. Step by step. Walkng by faith and expecting the Lord to keep every promise He has ever made. Because He will. 

So, for now, we are just raising a son who is right where he is supposed to be at this time in his life. 

And we are grateful to everyone who has poured into him and cheered him on along the way.

Playing Ball at Mercy House 

Hanging out with two of his Mercy House brothers

Add Adonis to your daily prayers, please!  He has a long way to go academically and spiritually before he will be ready to face the adulthood that lies just around the corner.  And while you pray, thank the Lord for  calling so many to serve just the one. 

More than we ask or imagine!  That is our God!

Broken World

The world is broken. When sin entered this place in the Garden of Eden and everything straight was made crooked, there was nothing mankind to do to help itself. 

None of us is immune to the pain that living on a broken planet delivers. 

We have all been injured.

Remember hurtful words thrown your way? Betrayal by a spouse or family member ?

Someone you trusted sharing your secret pain for his own gain?

Injustice and prejudgement directed at you in times you had no power to defend yourself?

But we have also caused injury.

We have gossiped. We have chosen to believe gossip. We have lied.

We have stolen. We have been prideful and smug when humility was called for.

We have hidden behind the name of Jesus in an effort to avoid reaching out to people who live their sin out loud and proud. We have kept a record of our own good deeds and trotted them out when it suited us. We have been silent when we knew we should speak. 

In short, we have inflicted harm on other human beings. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes by accident .

The child in the picture above is almost sixteen years old! He is about 4 feet 6 inches tall and weighs 64 pounds. He is a severe asthmatic and has been in the street for many many years. Abuse at home drove him into the street as a young child and there he remained, fashioning a sort of family for himself out of other street children.   We met him at an outreach in his city at Christmas time and we had no space for a new child at the time. To be honest, I was also a little afraid to admit him, although he asked very respectfully.  We have met MANY respectful, adorable, endearing children only to discover AFTER admission that they are way too much for us in every way imaginable. 

But this child, who can neither read nor write, found me online and had a friend write me a plea to help him. 

And then the city social worker formally referred him to us. Whether he asked her to or she just happened to choose him from the scores of street children in their city who need help, we have not quite deciphered.  All we know is this child kept coming up in our work and we could not ignore him. We told him the date we would be in his town and he messaged again the day before asking if we were still coming. My heart could barely cope with this kind of hope being placed in us. 

He was asking for rescue from a life that was too hard for too long. Sin broke his world and he was asking us to help do some mending. 

And, for us, saying "no" would have been sin. 

"And to him who knows the good he ought to do and refuses to do it, for him, it is sin"

James 4:17

And just like with all of our children, as they start to trust us a little and they start to open up, we learn details that are crushing. 

Our children have been the recipients of some pretty shabby fallout from the sin of others.

And sometimes they have been the ones to injure others.

The challenge for us as a ministry is to seek the Lord daily for wisdom in helping these children "unlearn" the imprinted habits in their minds and focus on living lives that please God rather than self.

Ironically, it's the same challenge we face on a personal level every day. Even as long-time followers of Christ who are educated in His word and know how He calls us to live. 

We, as missionaries, are not immune to the effects of this broken world. Much to the contrary, we often feel like weary soldiers trudging uphill with a very heavy pack at the end of a day of fighting. 

We are attacked from inside and outside.  And sometimes we lash back. Sometimes we fail at loving like Jesus.  But when we succeed, we give Him the credit.   He works in us as He sees fit.

And in the first sentence of this post, I typed the phrase "there was nothing mankind could do to help itself."  That sounds awfully hopeless.  But here is where what appears to be bad news is actually good news. The best. 

No, we can not free ourselves from the bondage of sin. We can not free other people. We can not stop the cycle of sin in the lives of the children we serve. 

BUT JESUS CAN. AND HE DID. AND HE WILL. 

The only hope for any of us, on any side of the social justice equation in this sin-sick world is Jesus Christ. Only He can forgive. Only He can restore. Only He can make us whole and fill those empty places in us that we seek to fill with lesser things. 

In the light of these truths. We are all on an equal playing field. Pope and missionary and street child and perpetrator.  We all need Jesus. 

Do you know His forgiveness? Have you been restored? Are you seeking to fill your life with lesser things and wondering why they never satisfy?  Only He can truly satisfy your soul.

Sometimes I make the mistake of believing this blog is only read by Believers, firm in their faith. But it dawned on me that I have not shared the gut, core, baseline reason for the work we do here. 

It is all about Jesus. His rescue of us from our own sin. His ongoing sanctification of us. His patient forgiveness of our blatant rebellion. His sacrifice that fills us with the hope that we can turn and offer to others. 

So, precious reader, if you have any questions about your own place with Him. About your position as forgiven, unforgiven, unrepentant or made new, please PLEASE reach out to someone you know as a trustworthy follower of Christ. Or email us (nikki@mercyhouseph.org) and ask those questions that have plaguing you about your own salvation.   

He loves you.  

"And THIS is love, not that we love God but that He loved us and sent His son as a payment for our sins".   1 John 4:10 

Haunted

I am haunted by a child.
He was mine and now he is not.
I need to find him.

And here is the story . . .

Back in 2002, my husband and I had two precious children, ages 6 and 8.  We felt very stable in our lives and ready to explore adding to our family.

I found out that a place called Falcon Children's Home had a "visiting resource" program and I called them to investigate.  As a visiting resource, my husband and I submitted to background checks, filled out an application and then were given the privilege of meeting the children at Falcon to decide who we would like to host for weekends and holidays.

We went to the home on a warm summer day in 2002.  I asked the house mother which children were still in need of a visiting resource.
The girls were all claimed.
The white kids were mostly claimed.
The boys were chosen last.
The African American boys were chosen absolutely, positively last.

And then I saw Jaquan.  He was a tiny, thin boy with a beautiful smile and in desperate need of some lotion.  I asked if he had a resource family, already knowing the answer.

He sat next to us on a wooden bench and shyly answered our questions.  I asked if he would like to visit our house sometime and play with our children.  He nodded almost imperceptibly.

But that's all it took. . .

The following weekend we picked him up and within moments of arriving home, he was on the trampoline with my two children wrestling and yelling.
He was obedient and precious and charming.
By the second weekend, I was clipping his toenails and learning how to do something with his hair and kissing him as much as he would let me. 

And then it happened.  When we took him back to Falcon after his second visit, he called us on the phone within an hour.  He was crying . . .
                         "I want to stay with y'all"

My heart physically hurt.   Because I wanted that, too.  So much.

We brought him to our home for every holiday and weekend we could for the next seven months. We took him on a trip to Virginia Beach with us. We took him camping and let him chop things up with a hatchet.

And then his social worker called.   The state was willing to split this child up from his twelve-year-old brother if we wanted to adopt him. His brother had been in trouble. I saw no problem with splitting up these final two siblings who were part of an even larger group of siblings.

But my husband did.   So we had to say "no".

Within two weeks, the social worker called to let us know a family in Charlotte NC was interested in both boys.  They were an African-American family.  They had older children. They were better for these brothers.  The boys could stay together. What right did this white lady have to split up siblings and take a child from his "culture"?  

So I called Falcon to bring Jaquan to us one more time.
I asked him if he knew about anything exciting that was going to happen to him and he replied,
                      "I have to get adopted"  with a sad face. 
 I made him a life book of all the fun things we had done together as a family.  I wrote "I love you" on every page.  I put our phone number and address inside just in case . . . 

And now, he is 18 years old.  I have waited all these years to reach out to somebody else's son.
                                            Because he changed our lives.

My hope and prayer is that he has had a wonderful life.
I have found his birthmother's obituary online.
Mugshots of two of his siblings.
But no obituary and no mug shots for this precious boy.

I just want him to know that he taught me that being a mother has nothing much to do with bloodlines or race or geographic location.

I'd like to tell him that he showed me that foster care was not the place for us.  We are not good
"giver backers".

I hope he knows he has been prayed for regularly for ten years and that I have wondered a million times if we should have kept him and let big brother (one of the mug shots) go.

Finally, I pray he was not hurt in any way by the short-term, non-permanent, time in our home. It must have been confusing for such a young boy.

He was a brother, a son, a beloved treasure . . . for not nearly long enough.

I pray this blog post finds it's way to someone who knows someone who knows someone . . .
who will tell him. 

The Children are Coming, The Children are Coming!

As you prepare for Thanksgiving this week and then, on to Christmas shopping and decorating, let me toss one more item at you that will require some time, prayer and energy . . .


SUMMER HOSTING 2013!!!!!!!!!!!!


It's THAT time again! Christian Adoption Services has received the profiles of the beautiful children, aged 7-14, who will be coming to North/South Carolina this summer in hopes of finding their forever families.

I am looking at their pictures right now!

And . . . WOW . . .  pure sweetness!   There are 2 sibling groups of 2 and there's even a sibling group of 4! The group of 4 is made up of a big sister and her 3 little brothers. The youngest brother is just 7 years old.  . . and they prepare to spend another Christmas among the fatherless.  It makes no sense to me that children this healthy, cute and hopeful do not yet have parents.  (They are 12, 9, 8 and 7).


Let me tell you a bit about the other children . . .

1. Jonalyn is a thin, cute 9-year-old girl. She loves to dance and play with her friends. She is suspected to have some ADHD.  She is not being placed with any siblings. She is very tiny for her age.  In this photo, she is wearing shoes that look to be too big and you can see her "spunk" in her eyes! Adorable!

2. John is 12. He is handsome and outgoing. John loves to  play basketball and garden. He is very polite and friendly.  A side note about John:  he was hosted 2 winters ago by a family that very much wanted to adopt him but could not due to NO FAULT OF JOHN'S . . . the mother in this family is more than happy to communicate with any interested parents about John. She said so many wonderful things to me about John that I wished we would be here this summer so MY family could snatch him up.  He has waited far too long. He's a good boy but I fear he's losing hope . . .

3.The brother/sister sibling duo are Jeffrey- 13 and Jean-9.  And I know looks shouldn't matter in the adoption world (or any world) but reality is reality and these kids are BEAUTIFUL! They  are very small for their ages and had a rough life living under a bridge being passed to various relatives before coming into care. They have suffered loss but still hold out hope that there is a family out there with room for them. They need to stay together and find their healing place in a loving, accepting family.

4. Daniel takes ballet, jazz and hip-hop classes at his orphanage. He is 12 years old quite handsome.
He loves to draw and is good at making friends. Daniel desperately needs Christian parents to guide him through his teen years and help him pursue the things that will help him to become a successful man.  At 12, very few children are chosen. Even fewer boys. Won't you consider taking a leap of faith on a child who is destined to wait and age out simply because of his God-given gender?

5.Raydelle is 13 although he looks much younger. He loves attending church and is listed as athletic and coordinated. He has a smile that lights up the photo I am looking at right now.  He is one of the  many, MANY children I have read up on over the last few years who, on paper, might not catch your eye but if you could just SEE him . . . precious!

6. This next boy is a small, thin 14 year old named Sonny. To be honest, HE is the one we want the most for our own family . . .partially because he looks like "one of us" but even more, because he is  a redemption story waiting to happen. But we are moving to The Philippines and he needs to be chosen long before we will be eligible to adopt again.
 Sonny is the victim of physical abuse by his father and step father (not sexual abuse!) . . . his step father even cut off one of his fingers in anger! Sonny is described by his caregivers as a very helpful and compliant child who is also shy and withdrawn.  Wouldn't YOU be ?? He is good with younger children and talented at playing guitar and drums.  Sonny is one of the waiting children who has watched others be adopted and, I would guess, is beginning to wonder if his turn will come.  And I don't mean to sound like broken record but . . . Sonny is extremely handsome.  I notice that he is getting a longer write-up than the other children and so, I'd better stop now and keep it balanced but PLEASE, SOMEBODY COME FOR SONNY!!!!!!!

7. Next is the sibling group of 4 (Rosalinda, Ramil, Rammel and Ryan). They are cute and well-bonded to one another.  As most Filipino children, they are tiny by US standards. They were voluntarily surrendered by their birth mother she could not care for them financially. But they know what it is to be loved and, no doubt, are missing terribly being in a family home. Not only would you be blessing four gorgeous kids through adoption but their mother as well. I have no doubt that this birthmother unselfishly placed these children in hopes of a great life for them. How humbling that YOU could be the answer to the prayers of a woman living in poverty on the other side of the world.
God's interwoven mercies blow me away!

8. Jerome is a 14 year old boy who was left in a box on the porch of an older couple as a baby. It took many years for him to be cleared for adoption because The Philippines does a thorough job of looking for responsible birth family prior to clearing children for adoption. Jerome likes to play drums in his church band and is considered polite and a good friend to the other children in his center. Jerome is dangerously close to aging out. He is one child I would probably just adopt and not spend time hosting if God led me to him, because he ages out at 16 thanks to US immigration law (and don't get me started on US immigration law . . . grrrrr).

9. Rico and Rex are adorable brothers who are 11 and 7.  They look very much alike - doubly cute!
Rico loves to sing, dance, play with legos, cars and watch cartoons. Rex is an active little boy who likes to work outside in the yard and water the plants. These brothers are firmly bonded and get along with each other well. As I read their files, I was impressed with their test scores. These are bright boys who need a family to challenge them academically and foster that intellect that is there and ready to be cultivated.  These boys are not noted to have any behavior challenges but have agreeable dispositions and are always up for something new.  They are going to be wonderful sons.

And here is something to consider: you don't have to host.  These children are available for immediate adoption. If you choose to adopt, you don't have to be living in NC or SC.  You can contact Jim or Jenica at Christian Adoption Services (www.christianadopt.org) and get the ball rolling. You can get lots more information on any of these children and seek the Lord as to whether or not they are YOURS.  Adoption is hard work. Adoption of older children can be especially challenging but anything worth doing is going to require you pour yourself out and let God use you!

In the adoption community, Filipino children are considered especially desirable and here are a few reasons for that (aside from their natural good looks - to which I am shamelessly partial).
A. Most orphanages in The Philippines have a low staff-to-child ratio and children are well supervised and cared for.
B. The Filipino culture places a high value on children and their orphans are generally loved by their caregivers and treated with the care (and discipline) any family would impart.
C. Adopting a waiting child in The Philippines takes about a year from application to travel - much shorter time frame than most adoptions (we did two of our adoptions in less than a year each).
D.  Travel in and around Manila is not overly difficult. English is widely spoken and Western-style hotels and restaurants make the trip easier than many countries.
E. The Philippines is a Hague Convention country.  You will NOT be bribed or asked for additional money in country. You will NOT travel only to find out your child is no longer available or much more disabled than his paperwork indicated. This is a transparent process, as much as possible.
F. The Filipino caregivers are brutally honest about the shortcomings of your child in his paperwork. Sometimes the write-ups seem a little negative or harsh but for good reason. The Inter Country Adoption Board does not want any potential adoptive parent to claim to have not been adequately informed of a child's needs and "issues".  They want to avoid adoption disruption.  The rate of disrupted adoptions from The Philippines is significantly lower than many countries.

If you have read this far in this lengthy post, I can't help but wonder if God is pulling your heart toward Philippine adoption and/or one of the children coming for Share Your Summer 2013.

Philippine adoption has changed my family for the better . We are so blessed to have entered the adoption world and we are extra lucky that we found The Philippines . . . or maybe The Philippines found us!  Either way, we have fallen in love with the country, the culture and especially the orphans.  I believe you will, too.

Seek His Face! Ask Him what you are to do with what you now know!

For HIS Fame,
Nikki
proud Mama to six angels
two the "old fashioned way"
and four through the miracle of Philippine Adoption