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Taken the first time we ever saw him

The first time I ever saw Adonis he was high. We were having a medical outreach and feeding in his city, sponsored by a friend from North Carolina. There was spaghetti, chicken, hygiene kits  and candy given to more than 100 street children.  There were testimonies shared, prayers prayed and lots of hugs and medicine handed out to some pretty neglected kids. And then it was time to clean up and go home.  But at the very end of the program, one of our Mercy House boys came to me and  said "Can my cousin come and live with us?".  I had almost gotten away. Almost.

But he introduced me to the child in the photo above. 

I could tell he was on some sort of drug by his behavior - lots of laughing and smiling. He could not focus on what I was saying. He stepped outside my direct line of sight and peed on a wooden post about two feet from me.   And I was  a little scared of him.  He was 15 years old -  older than any other children we had at the time - and he was clearly saturated by street life in a "leveled up" way from that of our other clients.  So I asked him to add me on facebook (as most street children here have a facebook account that they check often from the internet cafes when they can find the money), assuming he would lose the scrap of paper I had written my name on for him,  and I left him there in the city, a little relieved that I didn't have that "heart tug" that so often knocks me over when I  meet a child we are supposed to invite into our Mercy House family. 

But by the time I got back to the  center, a friend request from Adonis was in my computer.  And a long message written by a different street child informing me that Adonis could not read or write but he would really like to come and live with us, go to school and "fix his life".  The friend shared with me that Adonis has bad asthma and was sick a lot and that he would be "a good boy" for me.  I laughed.  Because I had heard that before and the kids promising they were "good boys" were almost always the worst behavior problems.  I was getting jaded. Or experienced. Or both. 

So, I lay down that night in my bed to pray for the kids we had served that day and to ask the Lord what to do now for specific children. And the words  "go get Adonis" kept coming to mind. I think I said "NO WAY" out loud. And I tried to reason it was not the prompting of the Lord but  my own "savior complex" putting that thought in my head.  I tried to focus on the foolishness of accepting a child that old with that many issues into our center. But that nagging. It would not go away.  And  I knew. 

The following day, I asked our social worker to call the city social worker from Adonis' town and ask about him. She BEGGED us to come and pick him up. She shared the problems he caused in the street,  the stealing and vandalism. The bullying of younger children, the constant use of drugs in public - and so much more.   So, with more fear than faith, we  went to his city to ask him if he was serious about changing his life.

Admission Day

He came into our center and slept for about three days, ate an inordinate amount of food and began to be more "himself" as the substances he relied on to keep him feeling strong and happy wore off. 

And for about 5 months, he did well with us.

Until he didn't. 

A few months after leaving Mercy House

He began to miss the drugs, the computer shop, the girls, the begging and the money. So he began to act out inside the center - disrespecting staff, bullying other children, anything to draw attention to himself  and disrupt whatever activities were going on.  So we counseled him regularly about his actions. We prayed with him and for him. But, eventually, he insisted that we get him back to his city of origin or he would just run away.  So with the cooperation of the local government and Adonis' birth mother, we reunited him with a very fragile family that we knew would not  be able to handle him.

Sadly, we were right. He was in the street again. 

Within a week, Adonis was messaging us asking if he could come back into our home.  But upon his leaving, our Mercy House boys began to share with us some pretty extreme things Adonis was doing while living with us- things they were afraid to disclose until he was gone.  So we went and met him face to face to let him know we could not take him back and why, but we would help him find a place if he was open to another home. 

We found him in the street easily as everyone in that city knows him. He was having an asthma attack and had no medicine so, we immediately  bought two inhalers, one for him to keep in his pocket and  one for the city social worker to keep in her desk and give to him when the first ran out. She agreed to do that for us.  

We fed him lunch and then he fell asleep on a city park bench, head on my lap, and all I could do was put my hand on his and pray silently - for his protection, for a center that could handle all the behaviors and keep their other kids safe, for the God who made Adonis for a bigger purpose to begin to reveal to that young man that he was created for so much more than the life he was currently living.  And then, with heavy hearts, we left him there to search for a place that could handle this difficult boy with the beautiful heart.  We had seen so much in him that was worth saving. So many sweet moments and protective instincts toward our staff.  

Enter: Kid's Home International.  Pastor Raffy Sison and his staff were introduced to us by an Action International missionary, my friend Erin.  Pastor Raffy runs a tight ship. He serves older boys 15-18 and some have committed serious offenses. He opened his home to Adonis and we were beyond grateful! Adonis thrived there. He learned to read. He learned to handle the word of God and serve in outreaches. He learned to hand wash his own clothing and take responsibility for himself and, best of all to us, he was only about 15 miles from Mercy House so we were allowed to visit him there. 

For 11 months, Adonis did well in the program at Kid's Home  but eventually approached Pastor Raffy and asked if he could be excused from the program. He  had asked that in the past but always changed his  mind after some counseling.  This time, it was different. Pastor Raffy texted Mercy House and shared with us that Adonis wants to return to us and he was 100% certain this time that he wanted to leave Kid's Home.  

I would be lying to say I wasn't at least a little thrilled at the prospect of getting him back.  

We missed him. Visiting him at KH and seeing his growth and maturity were highlights of our days. Knowing he was in the perfect place for him - the safest and most Christ-focused place he could have asked for - was the answer to so many prayers for that young man. But hearing he wanted to come back to us  and was now more READY was also an answer. 

So we went and got him. And brought him home.  He is now 17 years old and no longer the skinny, hyper active, drug dependent kid we met two years ago on the streets of his city.  He's a young man who is showing himself to be a good big brother to the kids here at Mercy House. He leads devotions. He helps the staff with any heavy lifting or labor-intensive jobs without being asked. And, my goodness, that sense of humor and smile just light up this place.

How did we make it for so long without him?   

And I share this for a few reasons. First, just to flat out spread the joy we have at being given a second chance with this boy. Second, to thank Kid's Home and Pastor Raffy and his staff a MILLION TIMES OVER for taking a chance on Adonis and for also being willing to give him back after  they all did so much of the hard work it took to get him to be the young man we see before us: changed by the power of God and looking more like His Son than we imagined he could.  

And third, I share this because all of  you who pray for and support Mercy House have a hand in the redemption of this boy .  And, people, if this was the ONLY child we served in our whole ministry. It would still be worth  the leaving and the selling and the coming across the ocean.  The resources we have invested to visit him, buy medicine and now to care for him every day come from those of you with a heart for street kids and the gospel.  And we can not express well enough how valuable you are.  

We eagerly await the rest of this story. We are not naive enough to think it will be smoothing sailing for the next couple of years and then Adonis lands that corporate job and rides off into the sunset to live "happily ever after".  Kids with rough beginnings tend to have a lot of extra work to do just to rise to the level of average kids in intact families.  But we put all of our trust in our Great Great God, to show us how to meet this young man's needs day by day. Step by step. Walkng by faith and expecting the Lord to keep every promise He has ever made. Because He will. 

So, for now, we are just raising a son who is right where he is supposed to be at this time in his life. 

And we are grateful to everyone who has poured into him and cheered him on along the way.

Playing Ball at Mercy House 

Hanging out with two of his Mercy House brothers

Add Adonis to your daily prayers, please!  He has a long way to go academically and spiritually before he will be ready to face the adulthood that lies just around the corner.  And while you pray, thank the Lord for  calling so many to serve just the one. 

More than we ask or imagine!  That is our God!

Never Enough

Admission Day

 April 19, 2016. The local government in our new town contacted Mercy House seeking help for placement of a 12 year old child who had been on and off the streets for FOUR years. Do the math . . ... FOUR YEARS. That means he began to live the life of a beggar, scavenger, self-protective, "look out for number one" child at the age of eight. Eight . . .

He was so guarded when he came to the center for the first day. He had tears in his eyes but would not let them fall.
The other children tried to welcome him and offer him clothing from their own closets since we live far from the market now, didn't know he was staying and needed a little time before shopping.
He refused the clothing. He tried to fist fight with the biggest resident we have.

On the first day.

He needed to establish himself as "top dog" so he would not be hurt or taken advantage of.
He wouldn't look in our eyes when spoken to.  He would not come when called.  He wanted nothing to do with us.  He asked our caregiver how he might get back to the place where he was in the street. He asked if there was a jeep or a bus from Mercy House to the street. 

We informed him that there is no bus or jeep but, as we tell all the children, we are not a jail. If he would please just stay for one week and if he is still unhappy at the end of a week, we will take him wherever he wants to go within reason.  He agreed.

By the end of the third day, he was coming when called. He gave a few reluctant hugs and started to obey us when we asked him to tend to his personal hygiene.  His resistance was wearing out.

By day five, we asked him if he would like to have a visit to his family home and be a part of some counseling and planning for his new, better, brighter future. 
He agreed to go.

His "home" when he was not in the street

This is the home he led us to. Inside was a mother ready to give birth any day, a grandmother and many young siblings.  We talked and prayed with them and left feeling pretty hopeless. The needs were OVERWHELMING and the notion that this child could ever return here was dismissed. He was not wanted or tolerated. He had caused too much trouble and the family was exhausted.

We Understood.

We expected this child would live with us while we started the long road to either family reunification or adoption. We planned for his school enrollment, had his medical check up completed, fashioned a nice bed, purchased clothing and shoes and prepared for a minimum 2-year stay with us.

And that was fine. It's what we do.

Although this child proved to be one of our more challenging in regard to behavior, and seemed to have little desire to change, we continued to include him in every aspect of life at Mercy House- chores, tutoring, church, devotions - and he made all of those things a LOT harder than they had been prior to his arrival.

And then "Auntie Andrea" arrived from the US.  He liked her immediately. He wanted to sit by her and hold her hand. He showed more affections to her than he had to any of us up to that point. 
Thankfully, she allowed it. And even MORE thankfully, she bought him his very own Tagalog Bible.

We discovered he is an excellent reader!

Auntie Andrea went back to the US and he missed her. But he continued to read the Bible she gave him. He asked us to help him find John 3:16 and Romans 8:28 and Matthew 25:40. This child who seemed to NEVER be listening and rarely to be engaged in his environment was like a sponge, soaking it all in and keeping it in his own quiet way.

And we saw changes in him that we now recognize as a child starting to understand he is loved by God and created for a purpose.

Just a month into his stay with us, the "big boys" of Mercy House were invited to go to a Christian camp a few hours from our center.  He attended.  He came back very excited about the things he had learned. He told us he wanted to follow Jesus and have a life that is committed to him.

We were thrilled. 

Generally, "Daddy Anthony" will counsel with children who are expressing their desire to follow Jesus. We want to be so careful. No "easy believeism"!  We want to make sure they understand what they are expressing and that they are discipled. We want them to know what blessings are bestowed on them at the time of salvation and what the cost of obedience amounts to. 

Before we could have that conversation with this child, we were informed that a relative came forward who knew little of the severity of this child's situation and when she found out, wanted  to assume responsibility for him!

We were happy.
And sad.

This is what we DO. It's our greatest joy when  a child can be united with biological family and raised in his own country and culture. Yes, we love adoption. But it's not "first choice".  

Our hearts were both joyful and heavy as we met together with the biological relatives, local government representatives and realized this family was serious, committed and understood the needs of this child.  I never knew you could have joy and sadness at the same time until beginning this work.

You can.

Our Last Day

So, yesterday, we said "goodbye" to this precious treasure of a boy and entrusted him to his biological relatives. But more than that, we entrusted him to his Creator who still has that plan and  purpose for this life.

But, for me, it just wasn't enough.  Not enough time with this child. Not enough discipleship. Not enough training in manners and study habits and how to be respectful to others.

He wasn't "done" yet. 

I wasn't done yet.

But God, in His infinite wisdom, placed this child in our care for just one month and eight days.

For me, never enough.
For our Heavenly Father, who could do all of this without our help, no doubt, it was
enough.
Please pray for this child and a successful upbringing in the care of his relatives.
Please pray they are humble enough to call us if they need us.
We begged them to.
Part of me hopes they do. The selfish part who really loved getting to watch this boy change and grow. 
Now that I know this boy, I can not imagine him wasting his potential in the street when he is brimming with possibilities.

As always, thank you for supporting our work at Mercy House so we can be here when called upon in situations like this.
Without YOU, praying and giving and keeping us encouraged by reaching out, we're done.
 THANK YOU.


To financially support our work at Mercy House, please click the link below:
Mercy House 

Or log on to: www.mercyhouseph.org under "donate"

The "Christian Vacation"

Recently, I've read and heard a good bit of scrutiny of short-term mission trips.  This could be because it's summertime in the US and many of my friends, or  the children of my friends, are fund raising for short term trips.

Once, a fellow missionary shared with me that short-terms teams just get in the way and bog down her schedule.  She saw my mouth agape and quickly followed up with a long list of all the reasons they are a blessing but, the cat was out of her proverbial bag by then.

Even Dave Ramsey, an author and financial teacher I greatly respect, referred to short-term mission trips as "A Christian Vacation".
In one of his radio bits, he balked at the way some Christians want to go help in other countries for very short amounts of time and they want YOU  to pay for it.   For some people, maybe that's the scheme. I can't speak for anyone going on a short-term mission trip nor can I address the motivation of his heart. 

Speaking purely as a parent, I loved the fact that two of my own children got to spend time on the field in Mexico, Romania, The Dominican Republic and The Philippines.  Those trips laid groundwork for the eventual moving of our own family to the field and, at the time of the short trips, we had no idea God was preparing them for it.  But He knew. 

What I CAN do is give you some pretty darn good compelling reasons why my family and I - missionaries to street children in The Philippines - LOVE having visits from "short termers".   I'd also like to share the benefits I perceive that the "short termer" might walk away with after a visit to a developing nation. Some of these are so obvious I feel slightly stupid even typing them but if even one person wrestling with whether to COME to the filed or just send money instead decided to actually come out here, I will sleep with a smile on my face tonight.

So, here it goes . . .

From the missionary's perspective, a team or small group of short term missionaries provide:

1. A Pep Rally - Just as in every facet of life, it's easy to fall into a routine and start going through your days a little numbly.  When visitors arrive at our ministry and we get to introduce them to the children, tour the areas our street kids used to live and talk about our plans for Mercy House, the fire in our hearts gets rekindled for what we are doing.  We are snatched from the mundane and reminded of the great things God has tasked us with.  And as much as we love seeing visitors get teary-eyed when we share the stories of our kids with them, we ourselves are choking back emotions and some of those emotions are gratefulness that we have, once again, been reminded of "the bigger picture".

2. A Chance to Teach- Anytime I'm talking to a visitor, especially a teen or young adult, I keep in the back of my mind that this could be a future missionary.  I am careful with my words so as not to discourage the listener nor to imply that anything apart from sharing the saving Good News of the atoning death of Jesus is paramount here.  It is easy to get "sidetracked" by meeting the felt needs of children who have lived horrible lives and to forget that, without the component of the gospel, we are wasting our time.   The chance to impress that on a short-term missionary is a golden opportunity I never want to miss.

3. The Ability to Spread the Fire - short term visitors will often return to their countries of origin with a huge heart for the ministry we have here. They will tell others, they will fund raise, they will encourage their friends to come.  This is vital to our sustainability.  Yes, God provides but He often uses the passion of short term visitors as the vehicle for our provision.   We need that.

4. Simple Friendships- It can get lonely out here on the field.  Making new friends is not as easy as it was in our old lives. We welcome those lasting friendships that can be spawned by serving side by side.


And some of the Blessings we hope our visitors will receive are .  . . .

1. A Cross-Cultural Experience-  Everything from the food to the restrooms is different in The Philippines.  It's so good for people to step out of their comfort zones and live on someone else's turf for awhile.  Yes, it's hard. Yes, you make a ton of silly mistakes that leave the locals snickering at you.  But, oh, the vast stores of knowledge you gain just by simply being away from all that is familiar.  They are priceless.

2.A Better Understanding of True Poverty- I remember joking about being "too poor" to eat out after church on Sunday when we lived back in America.  I never joke about being poor anymore.  Poverty is a brutal trap and it is much different from not having extra spending money.  It means not having the basics - food, clothing, clean water, medicine when you are sick, supplies needed to go to school.  I learned that living here.  It is our hope that short-term visitors will walk away with a better understanding of true poverty and that it is not always because the poor are lazy.  The poor in The Philippines are usually VERY VERY hard working - taken advantage of by their employers sometimes - and continuing to work manual jobs in intense heat because they know it means survival for them and their families.  Okay, sorry. Off the soap box.  This is something so dear to my heart and, maybe if you'll come and visit us, it will become dear to yours.

3. An Opportunity to Unplug and Listen- Internet out here is spotty and slow.  Visitors are not allowed to be online in our center for more than a few minutes a day to update family and friends.  Those components work together to help unplug our visitors from technology.  And on the field, that's a  GOOD thing.  It's hard to absorb what is going on around you with ear buds in your ears blasting
and youtube videos parading across your line of sight.  Thankfully, there's little time for those things on a short term trip. And you might be surprised how little you miss them when you're here.

4. Doing What You Were Created For- Yes, of course you can do what you were created for - worshiping and sharing your Savior - while in your own country. And you should!  Daily.  But there is something about being with people from a culture other than your own that removes the barriers of fear and makes people bold.  The communication barriers (although many here speak English) somehow help fear to diminish and boldness to creep in.  And when you have experienced truly, verbally, boldly sharing the gospel with a soul who  needs to hear about forgiveness, you are never the same.  That is something you take with you no matter what country you are in and, hopefully, continue to share.

So, if you are praying about going on a short-term mission trip and feeling like it may be a waste of time and money, PLEASE consider some of the points I've brought up here - and that they are coming from a real, live missionary living in a real, live developing nation.  And then write your support letters, have your car washes and bake sales, pack your bags and hop on that plane.  If God allows even ONE of these points above to become a reality in your own life, I think you will find it well worth the effort.

From the missionary perspective, I know we will.   So thank you, on behalf of all missionaries,  for considering, for praying, for stepping out in faith and for leaving your comfort zone to come and get your "hands dirty" for awhile. 

We hope to see you soon!

Haunted

I am haunted by a child.
He was mine and now he is not.
I need to find him.

And here is the story . . .

Back in 2002, my husband and I had two precious children, ages 6 and 8.  We felt very stable in our lives and ready to explore adding to our family.

I found out that a place called Falcon Children's Home had a "visiting resource" program and I called them to investigate.  As a visiting resource, my husband and I submitted to background checks, filled out an application and then were given the privilege of meeting the children at Falcon to decide who we would like to host for weekends and holidays.

We went to the home on a warm summer day in 2002.  I asked the house mother which children were still in need of a visiting resource.
The girls were all claimed.
The white kids were mostly claimed.
The boys were chosen last.
The African American boys were chosen absolutely, positively last.

And then I saw Jaquan.  He was a tiny, thin boy with a beautiful smile and in desperate need of some lotion.  I asked if he had a resource family, already knowing the answer.

He sat next to us on a wooden bench and shyly answered our questions.  I asked if he would like to visit our house sometime and play with our children.  He nodded almost imperceptibly.

But that's all it took. . .

The following weekend we picked him up and within moments of arriving home, he was on the trampoline with my two children wrestling and yelling.
He was obedient and precious and charming.
By the second weekend, I was clipping his toenails and learning how to do something with his hair and kissing him as much as he would let me. 

And then it happened.  When we took him back to Falcon after his second visit, he called us on the phone within an hour.  He was crying . . .
                         "I want to stay with y'all"

My heart physically hurt.   Because I wanted that, too.  So much.

We brought him to our home for every holiday and weekend we could for the next seven months. We took him on a trip to Virginia Beach with us. We took him camping and let him chop things up with a hatchet.

And then his social worker called.   The state was willing to split this child up from his twelve-year-old brother if we wanted to adopt him. His brother had been in trouble. I saw no problem with splitting up these final two siblings who were part of an even larger group of siblings.

But my husband did.   So we had to say "no".

Within two weeks, the social worker called to let us know a family in Charlotte NC was interested in both boys.  They were an African-American family.  They had older children. They were better for these brothers.  The boys could stay together. What right did this white lady have to split up siblings and take a child from his "culture"?  

So I called Falcon to bring Jaquan to us one more time.
I asked him if he knew about anything exciting that was going to happen to him and he replied,
                      "I have to get adopted"  with a sad face. 
 I made him a life book of all the fun things we had done together as a family.  I wrote "I love you" on every page.  I put our phone number and address inside just in case . . . 

And now, he is 18 years old.  I have waited all these years to reach out to somebody else's son.
                                            Because he changed our lives.

My hope and prayer is that he has had a wonderful life.
I have found his birthmother's obituary online.
Mugshots of two of his siblings.
But no obituary and no mug shots for this precious boy.

I just want him to know that he taught me that being a mother has nothing much to do with bloodlines or race or geographic location.

I'd like to tell him that he showed me that foster care was not the place for us.  We are not good
"giver backers".

I hope he knows he has been prayed for regularly for ten years and that I have wondered a million times if we should have kept him and let big brother (one of the mug shots) go.

Finally, I pray he was not hurt in any way by the short-term, non-permanent, time in our home. It must have been confusing for such a young boy.

He was a brother, a son, a beloved treasure . . . for not nearly long enough.

I pray this blog post finds it's way to someone who knows someone who knows someone . . .
who will tell him. 

Answered Prayer and White Fields

After a wonderful walk in the dark hours of the morning with my faithful walking friend, I came into the quiet house determined to spend some quality time in God's word. I have not done as well in that pursuit as I would like lately. I really need to go on a fast from my ipad . . . that would help.  Words with Friends or Words from my Father???? Hmmm . . . it should be an easier choice than I make it.

I usually prefer to choose a book of the Bible, most often Old Testament, and read chapter by chapter. I love seeing the hand of God in the lives of His chosen servants like David, Moses, Gideon and Daniel.  But today I played a little "Bible Roulette".  I do NOT recommend this method of study as a general rule but there have been times in my life when God has used it to speak to my heart.
Like today.

I opened to Matthew 20 and saw it . . .

It is the parable of the workers in the vineyard.  The master hires workers in the early morning, the afternoon, the late day and the evening and pays each worker the SAME wage at the end of the work day.

Those hired early are indignant!  They worked ALL DAY and received the same wage, albeit a fair and previously agreed-upon wage, as those who worked just a couple of hours.

The owner of the vineyard chastises those complainers with the remark "am I not allowed to do what I want with what belongs to me or do you begrudge my generosity?". 

And I realize that my husband and I are those workers hired very late in the day! But HE has been and is still being so generous with us just because He is good and He feels like it. Not because we "deserve". We don't.  All we "deserve" we have mercifully avoided by the brutal substitutionary death of God's perfect son. 

And that makes me want to worship Him all the more . . . because grace begets gratefulness.

Yes, Father, you are allowed to do whatever you want with what belongs to YOU . . . and with WHOEVER belongs to you . . . because it pleases you to do it.

So in giving and taking away, in healing and not, in bounty and in want, we have no right to look over our shoulder or to the left and the right and ask why SHE gets this and HE has that.

We have only but to praise You for the provision that comes from Your hand.  Your loving, guiding, cradling hand that is promised to never leave or forsake us. The value of which can not be measured.

So thank You, Father, for hiring us. Thank You for the wages. Thank You for the work. 

Thank You for proving time and again that You are doing this and we need not strive.
Or worry.
Or doubt.
Or give up.


Thank You for the tangible ways in which you are carrying us. The severance, the insurance, the provision that is more than we asked or imagined.  When you owe us nothing but are giving us so much.

Why?

Not because of our goodness but because of Yours.  To make us humble. To remind us that not a breath is drawn apart from YOUR will.  To teach us to trust even more and to never fight You for the helm.


Hired. Paid. Used. Protected. Guided.