Movin' On Up

Since the "big announcement" of mid April -the fact that our family is posed to hit the mission field in the next six to eight months- so very much has happened. Our excitement has met with mixed reviews. Most of them positive and encouraging. Many of them laced with cautionary tales of forgotten friends who struck out for the mission field only to meet with crippling illness, dangerous criminals or larger-than-life insects! We have had friends who want to partner with us financially (we're not there YET but we'll hit you up when the time comes - ha ha) and have offered to start saving items we can take with us to share with those we will meet along the way. God's people never cease to amaze me with their first-blush reactions to news such as ours. It's no secret we have a large family. Some of our family members have ongoing needs that are well-met here in the States. We have much to weigh and balance. This decision was not made lightly as "impulsive" or "spontaneous" are not adjectives anyone would readily apply to me. Yes, The Philippines has large bugs, diseases that no longer exist in the US, plenty of crime and no Wal Mart! But far outweighing those little annoyances are the beautiful people, the children who need the loving arms of parents around them, the beauty of the landscape, the openness of the culture, and the unreached population we hope to extend a hand to. . . more about them later in the post! In just a couple of days, I am scheduled to speak on the topic of Special Needs Adoption at the Together For Adoption conference in Winston-Salem. I was asked to do this long before the chance at the mission field cropped up. I am awed at how well these two paths converge! The group our family will serve, if God allows us to transplant, is the visually impaired orphan! I expect, as has been the case in every "good thing" we have set out to accomplish, we will end up receiving the blessing much more than those we aim to serve. God has used hearing impairment, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Down Syndrome and advanced age at the time of placement to remind us that we can not do any seemingly selfless deed without being swept away in a tide of His blessings. In light of what we have experienced, we go overseas a little selfishly. We know the blessing the Lord lavishes on us when we try to serve Him. It's a "secret" the apostle Paul discussed so many times in His letters to fellow Believers.

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ" Phil. 3:8

Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.


It's seems so close at times, I wake up in the morning and feel like I am THERE instead of HERE. Other times, I look around at all the "stuff" we have to sell, pack, get rid of, do, change, cancel, paint, repair and consider before we can be free of this life and I get weary. God is going to have to do so much in preparation for our family to go and yet, it seems He has already begun, starting with the positive reaction from ALL of our children to the announcement! That was not something we expected and clearly falls under the "more than we ask or imagine" category!! Certain children of ours tend to lean toward the melodramatic and can, at times, be just a teeny tad smidge self-focused. Well, shut my mouth . . . everyone is on board!!!!!!


I close this little jaunt down the bunny trail with a special "PRAY FOR US" as the time clock tics, so many pieces of the puzzle must fall into place and only The Great Commissioner can bring the longings of our heart to a full-fledged, sustainable missionary life. More than we ask or imagine . . .

Two Lives

I'm pretty sure I have lived two lives.
No, this is NOT a post about reincarnation, don't worry!
I am barely over the big 4-0 and yet I am quite sure I have lived two totally separate lives.

In my "first life", I had a husband, two beautiful children (one boy and one girl), a big house, a new car, plenty of debt and quite the impressive exterior. I knew Jesus. I really did. There is no doubt about that. But I shopped a lot. On credit.
I homeschooled and never missed a field trip. I was a leader in our large homeschool support group and church circle. I thought I knew more than I really did. I liked to argue doctrine with those who were charismatic, non-reformed, liberal or just off base altogether. I wanted to serve God and at times I did. But that service was limited to what I felt I could control. My husband and I were orchestrating the American dream, a safe comfortable life with a predictable rhythm in which the biggest irritations were things like the dog vomiting on the carpet or running out of coffee. They felt so big. Then.

In life number two, things are so different I hardly recognize the first "me". Yes, I still have the same husband but now we have six children. We live in a small house, our cars are older and there is no debt anymore. I don't know nearly as much as I used to about matters of doctrine and I don't care to argue them anymore anyway. I am no longer in favor of the death penalty and I understand that Jesus did not appoint me to single-handedly change the doctrinal stances of fellow Believers. I know about the poor now. I know they are real and they aren't poor because they are lazy. Not all of them. I know that I was created for so much more than living life #1. I have learned that there is nothing that matters, that has eternal value, apart from investing in other people. I found out that people in need don't want to hear the gospel on an empty stomach, fatherless, in physical pain and that God has equipped my family to help remedy some of these circumstances for just a few people. A few is good. I am learning to be content and to count my blessings. I have almost completely stopped looking at what other people have and wishing it belonged to me. I just want God to use my short little life, that has taken such a long time to resemble Him even a little, and make it count for His kingdom.

Please know I do not believe I have "arrived" or culminated in some swath of Christ Likeness that makes me better than another Believer. I haven't and I'm not. But I am so desperately in love with life #2 that I can not fathom how I tolerated life #1 for as long as I did. I love that Jesus opened my eyes to the poor. I love that He put a longing in my heart to break out of the old life and step onto the balance beam that #2 is proving to be. I adore the husband He has given me who is leading the charge to be "RADICAL" for the sake of the lost and the poor.

I love that our family is open to selling everything we can't fit into a suitcase and returning to the country of our hearts.

I stand amazed that the opportunity to do just that is before us.

The Lord will have to move mountains but He has moved them right before my eyes, just as an act of love and faith building.

We stand on the precipice of life #3. A life on the mission field. A new start right smack in the middle of our lives. With kids. All of them. We stick together. I need each one of them. They need us, too.

I don't want to be cryptic any longer but I have said all that is allowed until a few more details mesh together.

I covet your prayers. They sustain us now just like they did through four adoptions, our journey with reactive attachment disorder and all the other refining tools the Lord has used to whittle us down. And He is still whittling. We have come so far and yet have so far to go.

If you are willing to hang with us, I believe this blog is going to take a very distinct turn.... To the East....Asia-ish...

We are humbled. Again.

"Good" Friday : What Are We To Do?

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed.
Isaiah 53:5

saying, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” Luke 22:42


I've always found the notion of the day the Savior of the World was brutally executed being called "GOOD" Friday a little confusing. Sure, the outcome for mankind was very good, perfect in fact. Yes, the obedience Jesus modeled was nothing short of miraculous. But the pain, the suffering, the having your father turn away from you, the lonely walk down the Via Dolorosa, the knowledge that your father did NOT take the cup from you but is allowing everything to go on as prophesied, it must have felt many things other than "good" to the man part of our Messiah.

I think we tend to assume Jesus had an unusually high pain tolerance. Some scholars have theorized that the whippings alone would have killed any normal mortal and the fact that Jesus made it ALL THE WAY to Calvary is evidence of this fact. I don't know. God's word doesn't say and where it doesn't say, I hesitate to guess. I'm afraid others assume that Jesus somehow ENJOYED the pain and process of His death because He knew it would atone for the sins of mankind. Again, the Bible does not speak to any "enjoyment", only ultimate obedience, acquiescence, surrender to that which you would prefer to be taken away, far away, from you.
We forget that when Jesus took on flesh just like ours, that flesh was full of pulsing arteries, nerve endings, a spinal cord that transmits messages of pain just like yours and mine. Every whip, every step, every pulled out hair and every bitter insult were FELT, just as any human body "feels".

Please don't misinterpret this post as an emotional anthropomorphic word fest.
I would never WANT to make God like me in any way. He made that choice when he wrapped Himself in flesh and agreed to submit Himself to the human experience.

Why? Was it "all for me" as some songs so wrenchingly communicate? My reformed tendencies make me shun such a notion as man-centered and somehow off base.
But the book of Isaiah clearly says that "He was pierced for our transgression, crushed for our sins . . ." Yes, it was for me. My own personal discomfort with this idea is utterly irrelevant here.

So, what should our response be to so sacred a knowledge that the REASON for the life blood to drain from the Holy Creator of the Universe was our own sin???? What can we do? Are we to just take it in and ponder this news? Are we undone with no hope of repayment for this ultimate act? We are.

So we gratefully thank Him, we acknowledge that we did nothing to earn this sacrifice and we can do nothing that holds a candle to it in exchange. We realize how valued we are, for no other reason than that our Father just CHOSE to make us the objects of His affection and we lay our lives before Him to use as He sees fit.

We tell others, we do good, we serve the poor, we selflessly give of ourselves inasmuch as we are able with the sin sickness and it's grimy deposits coloring our deeds and we say "yes, Lord. Good Friday was good indeed"!

Plain Speak and Hidden Joy

God is up to something. I can feel it in my spirit. I can feel it when I read His word. It has taken on that extra vibrancy and speaks to me extra clearly lately.

No, we're not adopting again . . .yet . . .I don't think. I DO have a feeling that reminds me of our pre-adoption time with the Lord. There's an expectancy in my heart that we are on the cusp of some big family changes.

Are we finally hitting the mission field after my years of praying? Maybe. Only the Lord knows. Seven years ago I left a piece of my heart in Manila, among the poor, and I haven't been able to go back and retrieve it. Oh, how I have asked. The timing hasn't been right . . . so far.

I honestly can't say with perfect certainty what God is preparing us for but I know one thing: I want to take the plunge - wherever it is, whomever it involves and no matter what it costs. I just want to be where HE wants me to be doing the good works that HE has designed before the foundation of the world for me to walk in. I don't want to miss a single thing my Heavenly Father has planned.

I don't mean to be so cryptic. The few details that are shaping up are, in fact, few. Too small and too unformed to type. But I don't think they will be for long.

I'm not a prophetess . . . shoot . . . I'm not even Pentecostal (ha ha)! I'm just a Believer who is hoping that God will use me up to the very last on this ONE RIDE we get here, on Earth. In so many ways, I'm JUST a mom. JUST an ex-public school special ed teacher. JUST a housewife. JUST a homeschool parent. JUST me.

But, like you, I was created for so much more than the "justs". I was created to make a mark for Jesus. So were you. I have been warming up for a long time and I feel like the starting gun is about to fire.

I covet your prayers. I will share more when the time is right. I think it will be soon. Very soon.

Until then, dear friends, "let us reason together as to how we may spur one another on to love and good deeds" Hebrews 10:24-25.

Watching, Praying, At the ready . . .

Nothing!

Fundraising.

Just the sound of the word can send chills down an adoptive family's spines!
Most of us have done it. Some of us are doing it. LOTS of us are afraid to try it but know we need to.

It is estimated that the largest demographic of adoptive families are middle income, two parent homes. In other words, most adoptive parents are "your average Joes".
We are.
We have a smallish home, older vehicles and I am not too proud to take the kids to the free sample line at Costco for lunch on occasion (ha ha). We clip coupons, get excited about bags of hand-me-downs and I know how to make one chicken stretch into three dinners if I have to. We use the redbox and popcorn for "fun Friday" as opposed to whole-family trips to first-run shows. We run through the sprinkler and make our own posicles from frozen lemonade. We are frugal because we have to be.

We have adopted four times internationally with NO debt!

How? How on Earth when the laws of mathematics and supply and demand screamed "stop it! We don't work that way".

Here's how:
Jeremiah 32:27
"I am the Lord, Adonai. The God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"

This is clearly, a rhetorical question from the creator of the universe. The obvious answer is "no, Father. Nothing is too hard for YOU".

As I sat pondering this post before writing it,my mind drifted to our most recent adoption of our teenage son. I was truly afraid when we started this process. Not of adopting a teenager. Not of making room in my heart or house. I was afraid of how we were going to pay these mountainous fees! I had already seen the Lord work miracles three times in our adoptions but dare I push the envelope? Dare I ask Him to lavish me AGAIN with provision? Would my friends, family and church have grown weary of our excited invitations for them to partner with us for the sake of an orphan?

I remember putting my "chip in" button on my blog with a little fear and trepidation.

In no time, the first donation came in. It was a LARGE donation from the teenage son of one of my highschool friends. This young man did not know us personally.
He is, I repeat, a TEENAGER! Aren't they supposed to be self absorbed? Aren't they supposed to be saving every cent for a fast car or the latest gadget? Nope. Not this young man. He blasted us with our first big donation and reminded me
that the Lord is GOD and NOTHING is too hard for Him!!!!

Take heart, my fellow fund raising friends! God moves the most unexpected people to do the most unpredictable things for His own glory.

OPPORTUNITY TO BLESS #1:
I know a family made up of four gorgeous children, two young, busy parents and a love for the Lord that calls them to go deeper for the sake of one adorable little boy in The Philippines who has some special needs. This particular boy stole the heart of every one of my family members on the last trip. He is cuteness personified. He is the favorite of every visitor. He is the non biological brother of our Francis, who loves him and is so thrilled that he will have his own family soon.
This is a family of "average Joes". They could use our help. Please consider heading over to their blog to make ANY size donation (http://bindmywanderingheart.wordpress.com/). They have stepped out in faith, trusting that God will pay for what He has ordered. They are counting on the body of Christ to help get their son here. They'll gladly do the raising, the feeding, the training, the late-night comfort. They need US to help get him here!!

BLESSING OPTION #2:
There is an astounding, large family made up of children from many, many countries. This family opens their doors to hard-to-place children. They keep sibling groups from being disassembled. They tirelessly seek the "least of these", scoop them up and claim them.
This family has more than 20 children but does not feel complete. They are, once again, pursuing children who have nobody to call "Mama" or "Daddy". Their newest children come from Ghana, Africa. The infant of this group has some significant challenges. This family stands at the ready! They say "bring it on" and prepare, once again, to offer children the permanency that they need to thrive.
Will you pray about extending your hand?
http://gillispiefam.blogspot.com/2012/03/walking-by-faith-efuas-family.html?m=1
Cut and paste the link above into your browser for more information on helping this family.

Not every Believer is called to adoption. But we are all commanded to care for the orphan (James 1:27). Here are two opportunities right before you.

What say you?

It's a New Thing!

For those who have been long-time readers (or started reading with Adoption Disruption: the Down and Dirty), I just wanted to offer a quick update for encouragement.

What I feared most since posting my "Cautious Corner Turning" and "More of This" has happened. Our son got into trouble for being deceptive last night. It was a minor infraction. He turned a TV show while two little brothers were in the middle of it and he took the remote with him to the restroom so they could not turn it back.

It was selfish. It was sneaky.

My heart sank when little brother came and tattled.

I HAD to confront the behavior and I prayed it would not end up in a lie or crying jag. That is the normal pattern. As predictable as a Twilight book, as regular as the phases of the moon . . .

But the cycle broke.

He hung his head, apologized, admitted it was wrong, unkind and selfish WITH NO PROMPTING and he returned the remote to little brother and subjected himself willingly to "Penguins of Madagascar".

There was sincerity in the air! It smells like lilacs and Reece's cups (ha ha).

I asked him to come talk to me and I told him I was NOT proud of the remote sneaking and channel changing but I was OVERLY proud of him taking responsibility and making it right when confronted. He wrapped me in a giant big-kid hug and just said "thank you".

I KNEW he would mess up eventually. Everyone does. Me. You. Everyone but Jesus.
What I didn't know was if the mess up would result in the ugly patterns of RAD coming back with a vengeance. It didn't! I praise the Lord. I love that he can mess up in a relatively normal way and humbly take correction. That is a skill that will serve him so well in life.

Shoot. I could use a little brushing up there myself.

NOBODY over reacted and nobody held a grudge. It was a beautiful mess.
An accidental blessing.

Lord, You are good! You heal. You restore. Even when we're faithless, YOU are faithful! I can't waste my time wishing we had gotten here five and half years ago.

Regret is futile and we're here NOW.

So glad I didn't miss it. So, so glad . . .

A Worthy Cause

I'm proud to be an adoption advocate!
I run in circles of people with whom I share this passion.
Often I am overwhelmed and inundated with the impassioned pleas that find their way to my computer screen.

Yes, I want Joseph Kony, the Ugandan thug and perpetrator of genocide to be caught and punished.

Yes, I want every child with Down Syndrome to find a loving home and not languish in an institution.

I want AIDS/ HIV to be eradicated. I would love to help find a cure.

Based on the recent passing away of my beautiful grandmother (to cancer), it would thrill me if a cure for cancer were discovered and the hospice center that made her last days so bearable was awarded millions of dollars somehow.

I desperately want to see prayer allowed back into our public schools and true, Biblical morality restored to our country.

I am in great danger of becoming a victim of diluted efforts.

I remember when my husband and I took Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University" together. Dave clearly stressed that we were to attack ONE DEBT at a time with a vengeance. He highlighted how dividing up our funds and paying the same on each debt results in diluted efforts. Nothing gets "paid off" and everything stays pretty much the same.

I can see myself doing this in the causes I long to support. They are all GOOD things. They are all vehicles for the sharing of the gospel and things that I believe the people of God should be investing in.

But I don't want to dilute my efforts.

Does that mean when friends are fund raising for their various passions, I should say "no" to all who do not support the things I hold dear? No! God's word tells us to give to all who have need, and not to hold back.

What I don't want to do is be a valiant, well-intentioned beggar, always asking for donations to one cause or another, flip flopping in my scope to the cause of the day but never sticking with anything long enough to develop roots.

For me, Philippine adoption of waiting children is what makes my heart beat fast. It's a topic of conversation I have to be careful not to dominate when it comes up. It's a place I feel confident in the knowledge that God has given me. It's a country I love. It's a place where beautiful children with fairly low instances of institutional abuse takes place (yes, it happens there, too sadly) and everything about this country, people and culture is precious to me. I have trouble understanding why anyone would look anywhere else for their child - but I know that is my own passion and bias talking.

God calls us all to different passions to accomplish The Great Commission and meet the needs of the poor, orphaned and widowed of the world.

Ask Him to show you your passion! Ask Him to light a fire in your heart that can only be quenched by walking in your calling! Ask Him to use YOUR life to change someone else's life. Ask Him how YOU can make His name great right in your little corner of the world and across the globe.

Don't let The Enemy dilute your efforts and trick you into ineffectual service.
Life's too short and the needs are too great.

What is your God-given passion???? Walk in it!

More of THIS

After more than a month of smooth sailing with our "RADish", I feel I can safely type that the corner has not only been turned but is firmly in our rear-view mirror!
For more than a month, we have been without:
1. lies
2. sneaky behavior being uncovered
3. long crying jags of an unknown origin (or any crying, really)
4. emails or phone calls from concerned teachers about various transgressions
5. adults overhearing unsavory talk or unkindness to the youngers

We continue to praise the Lord for his new mercies! I know His word says His mercies are new every morning but for us, it feels like the verse should read "new every six years".

As I mentioned in a previous post, every professional we have read or consulted has
assured us that Reactive Attachment Disorder is an incurable plight with a dismal prognosis. I don't pretend to know more than any expert. I DO know what's happening inside our home and it is starting to look like a cure to me!! Our gracious God repeatedly has done more than we asked or imagined in paying for our adoptions, providing for the needs of our family, guiding us in a plethora of parenting issues, opening doors for service for us and even healing loved ones of illnesses . . . why would I ever think for a moment He would withhold healing our son? He wouldn't if it was His will to do so.

Lemuel is so much more than just a kid with RAD. I fear that when I blog, I fail to communicate that properly. He is a caring big brother, a star athlete, a hard worker, a loving son and he has the kind of perseverance that most people covet.
With the RAD-colored glasses removed, I am able to see him as so much more than the sum total of my heartache allowed.

He talked to me today out of the blue about one of his former placements. We were standing at the sink and he said "Mrs. 'Smith' lied to me". I asked him what he meant by that seemingly random statement.

He replied "she said when they dropped me off at the hospital they were coming back to get me but the next day they came to tell me they weren't keeping me. She's a liar".

My first reaction was to defend this woman who wanted very much to parent Lemuel but just didn't. She just didn't. He was tough to handle to be sure and she counted the cost and said "it's not worth it". (side note, it's ironic that his talk centers only around the mother in this case. There was a father. A "nice dad" according to my son).

Rather than defending her, I just agreed with him. It seemed the right thing to do plus, I've never spoken to her. I don't know why she threw in the towel after six months. I can only guess. He was a tough case.
He went on to thank me for not giving up and assured me that he knew God wanted him with us and that's why things didn't work out in the other families... Seeing his rejections through the plan of a Sovereign God is the only way for a child to make sense of what has happened to him. And it makes sense because it's true.

One more brick laid in a brand new foundation for a child who has been here such a long time but really just arrived . . .

SIX YEARS!

I can't promise a single one of you who are walking the RAD path that in six years, you will see great progress with your child. I can promise you that many parents give up before the harvest and they miss something wonderful.

Can you hang in there just a little longer? One more week? Two more months? Just a year or so? It seems too much to ask when you're in the fray, doesn't it?
It is. I would have taken ANY out that seemed reasonable at the lowest of times. I would have sent him back to his country if that was allowed. In fact, I remember praying that I would be diagnosed with some terrible illness so that I could disrupt the adoption and blame it on my own sickness. It would have felt legitimate. People do it all the time.
Thank you, Jesus, for NOT answering THAT prayer.

Instead, the bigger prayers of my heart were answered. For six years, my prayers were for God to infuse me with genuine, heartfelt, I-would-die-for-you love for this child so I could stick it out through the hardest of times. He fed me that love piecemeal, just enough for the day but never in enough abundance for me to let down my guard and stop clinging to Him like a life raft in a tidal wave.

I prayed for REAL connection to Lemuel so I could know that I have his heart. I prayed for him to trust us enough to know that we're not taking our last name from him when he messes up.

But ultimately, as much as this journey is teaching me, it's not ABOUT me much at all. It's about the value of one life - Lemuel's. It's about trusting our Heavenly Father when it seems we've lost hold of His hand. It's about sharing with anyone who will listen that God is faithful and more than able!

But to him, a day is as a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day.

Sometimes the hard times felt like they lasted a LITERAL thousand years.
And there may be more to come. . .

But I have blessed assurance that God is bringing about His purpose in His time and in His way.

We always said "use us, Lord . . . take our lives and do what you want"

It appears He took us up on the offer.

I am so glad He did!

Lem (left) and Ky (right) on paddle boats at our agency picnic

Keeping the Coals Stoked

I watched a documentary on Netflix today that both horrified and energized me at the same time. It is called " Triage, Humanitarian Dilemma: Dr. James Orbinski" or something close to that. Dr. Orbinski is a Canadian doctor, devoted father and lover of the poor and downtrodden people of Africa. If you have Netflix and want God to shake you right out of your complacency regarding the suffering that goes on around the globe, THIS is the documentary for you!
The last movie I watched was another documentary called "Small Voices" about street children in Cambodia. It, too, was an eye opening journey into the lives of those the word of God calls all Believers to minister to - the poor, the widows, the fatherless.
I have a love/hate relationship with documentaries such as the ones I just mentioned. I love the way they keep my heart tender for those in need around the world. I love how they open my eyes to those who suffer and struggle simply for survival. I hate how helpless these shows make me feel. I think about them for days. As I care for my family, I think about the mothers I saw on the screen, emaciated women, trying to nurse skeletal infants. I bemoan my need to lose 25 pounds and get back on the treadmill but realize that my "problem" is strictly FIRST WORLD. So small. Nothing, really.
There are two things I am always seeking my Heavenly Father about. The first is that the story of what Christ did on the cross is something I would never grow cold about - that it would always move and overwhelm me when I hear it. The second is that I would never be able to turn a blind eye to the suffering of other humans and go on, unaffected, if I can help in some way.
So far, He has proven faithful on both accounts.
I asked these things of Him years ago and had no idea how they would look in reality. If I had known, I may not have asked. Too late.
I can not contain my tears when I hear a song, read an account or hear a sermon about Calvary. I used to be unmoved as a teen and young woman. I felt grateful for what Jesus endured for my sake but accepted it and moved on. Not anymore.

I grew up with NO heart for the poor, the foreigner, the orphan or the widow. I remember making jokes about starving Africans as a young, stupid teen. I vividly recall thinking, when I saw hungry children on television with flies buzzing around their encrusted eyes and mouths "their parents should have used birth control". I had so little understand of the gift of life. Such short-sighted views of my role as a professing Believer in Christ. THOSE people that seemed so very different from me - so responsible for their situations - were just like me.

In the book of Revelation, God chastises the church at Laodecia for thinking they are rich when they are, in reality, "poor, blind, wretched, pitiful, poor and naked". I was likely MORE poor, blind, wretched, pitiful, poor and naked than those I stood in such superior judgement over.

The tender heart is something God cultivated in me after motherhood. After HE showed me the mystery of loving someone more than myself, He began to drive that love deeper and stretch it out to include those not of my bloodline. Only God can make someone as selfish as I was (and sometimes am) into a lover of strangers. Miracle of mercy! Proof He is REAL! Grace gift!

I dare you, fellow sojourners, ask the Lord to make your heart break for what breaks His. Ask him to keep your coals burning and your fire stoked for the calling that He has placed on your life.

Once you do, He will. And there is no going back. Never the same! Changed for the better! Pounded to dust for the sake of the gospel but fully renewed for the work!

I Say "YES" . . . Do You?

I have watched a plethora of adoption videos. Some are intended to shock while others simply pull the heart strings. A few of the adoption videos I have seen over the years are even designed to shame folks into adopting. I usually deeply DISLIKE adoption videos for the reasons above. The decision to adopt a child, older or an infant, with or without special needs, is one best wrestled between husband, wife and their Creator. God is so very good at illuminating our path - opening the doors HE wants open and shutting those we are not to walk through.
The video below,although heartfelt and touching is just as simple as an adoption video gets. REAL children sharing their REAL experiences before and after their families came to claim them.
Although each of the children in this video is an ex- US foster child, I believe their words echo the sentiments of children all over the world. The longing for a family knows no geographic limits. The heart of a child is created for family. Everywhere. All the time.
Enjoy!

Cautious Corner Turning

Something around this house has changed. Tangibly. For the better.
Our most difficult child, Lem, has been Mr. Not-One-Bit-Difficult for more than two weeks now! This is the longest stretch he has been able to maintain positive behavior, attitude and interactions EVER! While I am praising the Lord, I am guardedly optimistic. I know as a Believer in Christ, being superstitious is not God honoring however, I have blogged, written and talked about how far Lem has come in the past and then, a few days later, been on my knees in my room crying and begging the Lord to let me out of this whole deal. . . but I believe some lasting changes have taken place. I am seeing new things. Good things.

Maturity is FINALLY popping up from it's rabbit hole from time to time. Our once EXTREMELY emotionally delayed child is talking, behaving and pursuing interests that are much closer to his chronological age! He has put himself on hiatus from those video games that were once such a source of joy, stress and obsession for him. Certainly, we could have eliminated those from his life completely at anytime, we are the parents, but we chose to give him a schedule for their use instead. He has shaved that schedule down to almost nothing and when he does play the games, it is for a much shorter duration with NO REAL TEARS or anger when his character loses. This is something GREAT!

He has chosen to participate with the family in pretty much everything we have done for more than two weeks now! Likewise, he has been coming to me for a hug every morning and every night. And three nights ago, when he hugged me at bedtime, he started to cry. Just a little. When I asked him why, he could not articulate the reasons. He said he was happy. That was good enough. I get it, sweetheart, I really do. I cry happy often.

Is he "cured" of his Reactive Attachment Disorder? Well, according to every web site, book and therapist I have encountered, there is no cure for RAD. Does he even have RAD? Is RAD real? Did God heal him? Will I be blogging my sorrows about his new-found reprehensible behaviors any day now? Can I trust two weeks to mean anything at all?

I don't have one single answer to any of those questions.

All I know is that in June, he will have been my son for six years and these last two weeks or so have been the best time period in that entire span. The best!

I believe the prayers of other Believers coupled with maturity on his part and not giving up on our part are starting to glimmer like pay dirt! And I happy cry as I type because I didn't know if I ever WOULD get to type this. I had to learn to be okay with that, I believe, before things could improve. Stop mourning the "whys" and "what ifs" and accept the "IS".

I only needed to give thanks publicly on this blog, to my Heavenly Father who does so much more than we "ask or imagine" (Eph. 3:20) and to share this with those who are struggling with their RADishes... I know life will never be "perfect" this side of Heaven and that two weeks is such a short time but it happened! I never thought it would and it did! All I can do is praise . ..!!!!