Honeymoon

Well, Zkel has been home about three weeks now and we are either on an extended "honeymoon" or he is really the best little 2 year old I've ever met! What a sweet spirit! He is happy almost all the time. He only whines when he is excessively tired and laying him down in his crib actually makes him HAPPY when he's very tired! He has been sleeping all night for about 5 nights now (I do hear an occasional bit of chatter from his crib but it only lasts literally 60 seconds before he's asleep again) and what a crowd pleaser! Everywhere we go, he is complimented by total strangers for simply being cute - a feat he accomplishes with no effort whatsoever! I have heard others talk about children with Down Syndrome as "angels". While that doesn't exactly line up with my theology, I can clearly see why this title is applied to these particular children. My husband purchased a t-shirt online months ago that says "every family deserves the blessing of a child with Down Syndrome". When he wore it for the first time, Zkel wasn't home with us yet and I honestly felt it was a bit of an overstatement. I stand corrected. Any family raising one of these precious babies should consider themselves very blessed! I know I do!

Good News

Ezekiel will NOT need repair surgery for his PDA (heart hole) anytime in the near future! He was also taken off the medication he had been on since before coming home to us. I am so thankful for prayers being answered!! Thank you to all who prayed!!
I can not say enough wonderful things about Dr. Kanter at Duke Pediatric Cardiology!
He is a caring doctor who took so much extra time explaining to us exactly what a PDA is, how it works and why Ezekiel's is no big deal! Thank you, Jesus!

Never The Same

Ezekiel (or Z-kel and we call him) has been home for just under two weeks. I still can not believe he's here sometimes. All the prayers, tears, joys and hope have come to fruition in this one little man! We all love him immensely! We sit around as a family and just laugh at his dancing. We cringe when he pulls two great handfuls of fur from the dogs' back and sigh with relief when she just lets him do it! (the dogs have learned to exit the room when he comes in - ha ha). We all crowd into our small hall bathroom to watch him splash in his bath and put his face under and blow bubbles in the water. He has brought joy to us that I wasn't even aware we needed!
Today we head to the Duke University Pediatric Cardiology unit for his first heart consultation. I have begged the Lord to close that tiny hole in his heart and heal him fully but I know God does as He pleases. His ways are NOT my ways and if He has chosen not to heal, we will treat medically. I have always said that I am not one bit afraid of the Down Syndrome in my son but I am petrified of the heart condition that came with it. If you happen to be reading this today, a prayer for my baby's heart would be a gift.

Completion

Ezekiel arrived at 8:36pm, Monday March 8th at Raleigh-Durham international airport.
He came straight from his daddy's arms to mine and it was a phenomenal day! The prayers
I offered up for him NOT fear me did not go unanswered! He allowed me to take him from Anthony, give him a big hug and kiss and carry him a way off from the family. I admit I did each of these things expecting to hear a shriek from my new son and having to hand him back to Daddy. Never happened. He came to me and he has been right next to me for over 24 hours straight. I adore him. I am mystified that such a gorgeous, cheerful, precious little angel went unadopted for over two years! The only explanation I have for this fact is that my Heavenly Father was preserving him for my family. Thank you, Jesus!

The Countdown

Monday night my precious family returns to me with our new little one! As I thank the Lord for the technology to skype, call, facebook and email, I can attest wholeheartedly to the fact that none of these modes of communication can trump the good old fashioned hug.
Yesterday in The Philippines, my husband decided to take the three children to see the new movie "Alice in Wonderland". . .hey, where else can you see a first run new release for about $3? I was quite skeptical that a two year old child could sit through such a long movie but sit he did! Anthony was astounded at how calm and enamored he was of the entire experience.
A heart rending experience that also happened on this trip was our 11 year old son, Lemuel was able to visit his 19 year old biological brother, Ariel.
Ariel is living at a shelter for street kids in Antipolo City. He was never adopted.
The Philippines customarily does not separate siblings but this was truly an emergency situation. Ariel's health as a young child prevented him from immigrating. As his brothers grew older, their chances of being adopted diminished. As a result, the painful decision to separate was made. We have made a point of writing to and sending small gifts to Ariel since we adopted Lemuel three years ago. I have to tell you in all honesty, that is not enough! I feel that God wants us to do more for this young man! I don't know what our options are or what God is asking of us but I am praying daily that He will show us. When I look at his handsome face, I see my son just a few years down the road. I believe he should be somebody's treasured son. He should have the chance to call out "Mom, Dad, I'm home" and see relief in the eyes of people who love him. I shared my sadness with my husband on the phone and his response to me was "sweetie . . . we can't save them all". He's right, we can't but maybe we can help just one more . . . Please pray for Ariel. There has to be more for him than life in a shelter, unclaimed.

Perfect

Ezequiel continues to thrive and bond with his dad and two siblings. They have taken him here, there and everywhere and are completely smitten with him, as he is with them.
I am living vicariously through pictures and skype until they bring him home to me.
We are preparing to embark upon a brand new chapter in our lives. We are now parents of a toddler with Down Syndrome. We are now a family of seven. We are now officially "out of our minds" according to some well meaning friends - ha ha! What we really are, most of all, is blessed. Who am I that God should see fit to reward me with this most precious little being? I pray that I will parent this little angel in a way that points others to Jesus. That's really all this crazy life of adoption, homeschooling, parenting and being is all about - making a mark for Him. My soul desire is that He is honored by something that we do while on this Earth. Jesus, be glorified in the life of a sinner like me? It seems impossible but He is in the business of doing the impossible. Thank you, Father!

The Beginning of the Beginning

My family met Ezequiel for the first time just a few hours ago! He is, in the words of my 13 year old daughter "so adorable". I called the orphanage just about the time my family arrived and I could hear Ezequiel crying in the background. He is, as all his paperwork indicates, a shy child. He is keenly aware of everyone around him and he is steadfastly devoted to one particular caregiver, Thelma. There were tears all around yesterday and I imagine not all of them happy. Thelma has cared for Ezequiel his whole life. The orphanage has a low staff to child ratio and certainly the bonds of motherhood were already firmly in place between Ezequiel and Thelma. I can not thank God enough for her. I am sure that, because of Thelma, our risk of attachment problems are minimal. I am certain that Ezequiel's physical and emotional health are far beyond what they would be due to her loving care. I am praying that God fills her heart with peace in the midst of her sadness. I have always said that in adoption, someone has to lose before anyone can win. Birthmom lost her son, Thelma lost her baby, and Ezequiel lost all that is familiar. I am ready for all of us to move on to the "winning" phase in which new family bonds are forged forever and those who loved him first can heal completely. God does not promise that obedience is easy or painless but it is always best. I realize that's easy for me to say. I get Ezequiel for life. My highest respect is reserved for those who know they are bound for sadness and heartache but do what they are called to do anyway.

D-E-L-A-Y

I have learned that spelling a word often lessens it's impact. I'm hoping that treating that word with a little respect will make it go away!!!!
My family flew to Detroit en route to Ezequiel yesterday. The crummy weather in Detroit caused them arrive late and miss their connection to Japan. The only available flight was today at 4pm so, they will arrive in Manila a day later than projected.
I am very, VERY proud of my husband in this situation. He is normally not the most patient person with travel delays but as he called me to report the status, he actually sounded chipper, happy even. He let me know that the new route is 4 hours less air travel AND they get to fly on KLM with nicer planes and individual TVs in the seat backs in front of them. I'm sure the kids will be thrilled with 19 hours of cartoon watching! We will have to step up the homeschooling after this trip to help them recover from the brain drain of endless TV but, in all truth, I am happy for them.
Anything to help the trip go by with less tedium is a blessing.
I hope my next blog post features a picture of my husband and two children finally holding our newest family member! Keep those prayers coming! Even in the midst of
"the D word", God is still in control.

This Is It!

In just half an hour, I drop some of my family members off at the airport to fly to The Philippines. I have so many mixed feelings about today that there's no way for me to articulate them. I won't even try. I'll just sum up this morning by saying that I am leaning on God's sovereignty in all things. I trust Him to do His perfect will in the lives of each of my family members. I will wait and pray and anticipate the abundance that comes from trusting God wherever He leads.

It's All Over But The Flyin'

Well, it's done! Airline tickets are purchased, the hotel is booked and a couple of suitcases are even packed. It's so exhilarating!
After much prayer, we have decided that the "travelers" will be my husband, our only daughter and our 11 year old son (adopted from The Philippines when he was 8). I will not be going. Believe it or not, I have a deep peace about this arrangement that I know only the Lord can give. We have specific reasons why each person traveling was chosen and I won't belabor this entry by spelling them out but suffice it to say, we are at peace with our decision. Would I like to be the first Esquivel to meet our new son? Certainly! But there are others who need this trip more than I. I will be at home making his doctor appointments, preparing meals in advance to freeze so I can focus on Ezequiel rather than the cooking and I will be praying and waiting - two things I have developed proficiency in during this adoption process!
I have to pinch myself when I realize that in a few short weeks, Ezequiel will be walking around in this very kitchen where I sit and type this entry!
I have to say as one who has become a mother through natural birth and through adoption, one is no less a miracle than the other. The hand of God is evident equally in both and my feeling of being favored by God remains consistent.
Thank you, Jesus, for lavishing your love on us by giving us another child!
God is so good.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya Tomorrow . . .

Tomorrow I buy the tickets for the trip to bring our spectacular little wonder home!!!
We will leave on February 22nd and return home March 8th. All six of us will not be able to travel for financial and practical reasons. I am perfectly fine with this arrangement but tonight we sit down, have prayer and make the final call regarding who will travel. Anthony is an obvious choice as he speaks Tagalog and has family right in Manila, I am the mom so I should go, our 13 year old daughter has talked of going on this trip since we committed to Zeke and would be pretty sad to stay home. Lemuel has a 19 year old brother still living in The Philippines and being cared for by a ministry for street kids. The boys have stayed in touch and Lemuel would love to see him. Our two other sons are fine with going or staying (so, they're staying home - ha ha). Honestly, I am trying not to be like the bride who puts so much pressure on herself regarding the "wedding" that she forgets to prepare for the "marriage".
The traveling is important, sure, but the raising and bonding and lifelong commitment trump "gotcha day" hands down.
The photo with the green background here at the top is brand new. I am dazzled by the cuteness of this little one. I remember long ago thinking that all people with Down Syndrome "look the same". I see now the error of my ways. Ezequiel is different, special and a little cuter than the rest (ha ha). It reminds of how I thought my newborn children were simply beautiful. I clearly recall telling visitors
"they don't look like newborns at all. Newborns are usually red and wrinkly and lizard like. MY babies are already gorgeous." I'm sure those visitors didn't see them through my mother's eyes and that's okay. I am thankful that God has given me "a mother's eyes" for Ezequiel. It's just one more way I know that His hand is knitting us together.