A Week To Remember

"Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose
dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families." -Psalms 68:5-6


This past week was a much-needed time of learning and growth for me. I was honored to have two missionaries from The Philippines in my home for seven full days!!! Some of you reading this might cringe at the thought of a week of house guests but this was no ordinary "visit". The two women who came to my home are Americans who have lived and served in The Philippines for over 20 years. They began as directors of a birthing home which expanded to include an orphanage. They still deliver babies for the poor in their community, hold classes on infant care, reproductive health and so much more. They mobilize their community in times of crisis and help them put a plan into action to solve their own problems. In 1998, a sick and dying woman surrendered her three sons to the director of the baby home. This birth mother died of tuberculosis one month after selflessly placing her beloved sons in the care of strangers, the youngest child being just a month old at surrender. That one-month old baby has grown into my now 12 year old adopted son. Having the eyewitness to his first eight years in our home was beyond wonderful. Thank you, Jeri and Sara Gunderson for a chance to ask limitless questions about life as servants of Christ in The Philippines. I hope anyone who has taken the time to read this post will take a moment to pray for The Little Childrens' Home and Shiphrah Birthing home in Taytay, Rizal Philippines. WONDERFUL things are going on there!

Run, Moses, Run . . .

Our pastor preached an especially poignant message today about the call of Moses. He read from Exodus 3 and 4 and I must admit, I thought I knew something about this passage but I had missed so much. When God called Moses to deliver the Israelites, did you realize that Moses offered myriad excuses about why he couldn't possibly do it?
Most people know that Moses used the old "but I'm not a good speaker" excuse but the story goes on. Moses went from "which God should I say sent me" (implying that there are so many deities in Egypt that nobody would respect Yahweh) to "what if they don't believe me". Moses worked very hard to wiggle out of the calling God placed on his life.
The sermon caused me to ponder just how many Christians God is calling to adopt who have more excuses than Moses. Do I believe every Christian is commanded to adopt children? Absolutely not. We are all members of one body with different functions but I DO believe many Christians are running as far and fast as they can from the notion of adoption and they are, in fact, being called.
Below is a list of reasons that we refuse our calling based on today's sermon:
1. Indifference (I just don't care enough)
2. Inability (I can't afford it, I'm too old, I'm too out of shape to travel)
3. Insecurity (What if the child doesn't like me or vise versa)
4. Inconvenience (My little world is just right and adopting could stir things up)

Our pastor closed the message with the parable of the Great Banquet found in Luke 14:12-14. It says "When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or your rich neighbors lest they also invite you over in return and you will be repaid. When you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind and you will be blessed because they can not repay you. You will be repaid at the resurrection of the just."
This passage is about so much more than a dinner party. It's about doing the radical thing - extending love to the unlovely, giving to those who can not lift a finger to do anything in return. It's about being the hands and feet of Christ in a world that tells you loving YOURSELF is "the greatest love of all." It's about being broken, poured out, overworked, under appreciated and maybe even stepped on by the world around you but being cherished, treasured, lifted up, encouraged, cared for and rewarded by your Heavenly Father.
We only get one Earthly life . . . let's do this!!!!!

Go Away!

Life at the "Esquivel Compound" has finally settled into a wonderful summer "routine".
We are finished homeschooling until early August (except my sweet 8 year old who needs to do a little something each day to keep his phonics and math skills in check). The sprinkler is attached to the hose in the backyard and ready for the kids' daily "run through" and I have taken to making a gallon of sweet tea every two days as my teens drink it instead of water all day long (terrible, I know). We watch a movie together most evenings (the latest fine piece of cinematography being "Monsters vs Aliens") and
there are no lesson plans to write, papers to grade or co-ops to rush off to.
I am absolutely loving this time of year. It's hot and humid and practically every day is capped off by an evening thunderstorm or rain shower.
In spite of all the joy, I have little peace. I committed the cardinal sin of reading through Christian Adoption Service's latest list of waiting children. Those of you who know me at all know exactly where this post is headed . . . yes, I am hopelessly in love with a child on the list. I have his file. I know it by heart. He is older (almost 15) and had a very rough start in life. He is in a Christian orphanage, loves Jesus, plays music, sings and even has an "emo" haircut like my oldest son. He ages out in one year and will be unadoptable.
The Philippines has strict rules about adoptions. A family must wait one year between adoptions and Ezekiel has only been home three months. We can not even apply to adopt for about nine more months. Additionally, we can not afford another adoption right now and my husband is not on board at this point. In light of the disappointment regarding Ariel, maybe this is just backlash and simply a shadow in my mind but, I don't think so. I know this feeling well. It is the fourth time I have felt this way about a child. The first three times resulted in Kyle, Lemuel and Ezekiel - my hard won treasures from across the ocean. Once again, God will have to make a miracle but if He wants it to happen, He'll do it. If not, I pray this ache will go away. It hurts.

"Coincidence #2"

As promised in my previous post, I'll share "coincidence" #2 in this post. First, let me mention as background, my husband and I have been vigorously following Dave Ramsey's "baby steps" as laid out in the book "The Total Money Makeover" for about 4 months now. We are on "baby step three" and trying to stay very disciplined with our spending so we can reach our goals. (My goal? Another Philippine adoption - shhhh).
Yesterday I told my husband I needed to run some errands and exactly how much money these errands might cost. He gave a set amount to spend based on our budget and off I went. I am not much of a numbers gal (he's the "nerd", I'm the "free spirit") so I went to several stores, getting the items I needed while mentally rounding and estimating what I was spending. When I arrived home, I added up the receipts and they totaled EXACTLY TO THE PENNY the amount my husband had set aside for these errands!!!!!!! I re added to make sure it wasn't an error on my part and, sure enough, the amount was EXACT to the cent! I don't know if this "coincidence" was more of a blessing to me or to Anthony but we just looked at each other with a "God is in control" nod, understanding that when we try to be good stewards of what we've been given, we get a LOT of help from the Lord. We already know that when we're careless and wasteful, the opposite is true. I know this is really a small "event" and I pondered whether or not I was making too much of it. Is it even worth blogging?
I could not get past the thought that if God deemed it worth doing, I should find it worth sharing. Maybe someone will stumble on this blog who needs some encouragement about just how much God cares about the "little stuff" . . .

Coincidence? I think NOT!

In the past two days I have had two events take place in my life that, although seemingly small, have shone a spotlight on just how much God cares for me. First, I went to pick up my twelve year old son from tennis practice. On the way, our little car started to feel "funny". I pulled into the nearest gas station in order to get a diet coke and give the car a rest. There was nowhere to park when I pulled in. I had to pull directly in front of the pump. When I came out of the gas station. My little car simply would not start. I laid my head on the steering wheel and thought "not today, Lord". Just then a tap on my window startled me. It was a kind older gentleman carrying a gas can he was preparing to fill. He said "it sounds to me like you're out of gas young lady." I looked down at my gas gauge and, sure enough - the big "E"!!!
Red faced, I thanked the gentleman, filled the car and drove away. And then it hit me:
had I parked in an actual parking space, I could not have gassed up without someone helping me push the car to the pump. I would have been late in picking up my son and certainly would have incurred the "wrath" of a husband who has asked me repeatedly not to let the needle fall below a quarter of a tank! But no, my Heavenly Father saw fit to let me run out of gas while literally parked at the pump! The overwhelming sense of humility that followed that "coincidence" is indescribable. I have NOT been consistent with my quiet times lately. I have not even been as faithful in the "little things" as I usually am and yet, God still chose to "bail me out" of what could have been a sticky situation that was clearly of my own making. Yes, I've done the same for my own kids: removed the consequences due them just because I love them. No, not always but, as a parent, you know when mercy is due and when justice must be swift.
I'll save the second "coincidence" for another post as this one has gotten quite lengthy.
"Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Dazed and Confused

After much prayer regarding "The Ariel Situation" all I can say is, it appears there is no legal way for him to immigrate to the US. On one hand, this is sad for him, the only one of three brothers unable to make the journey, but on the other hand, I trust my Heavenly Father implicitly. He knows what each of us needs, where we should live and who should come to our table. It appears that, without a miracle, Ariel is not to be ours. I can not thank my AMAZING Sentor's office enough! Richard Burr (R-NC), you are an unbelievably helpful man with an equally wonderful staff! I sent out pleas for help to many elected officials and the first to reply and act was Richard Burr. I don't want to get too political here but, he was the only Republican I contacted so, surmise for yourself what that might imply (ha ha).
On a happier note, my family was blessed to attend our adoption agency's family picnic at a gorgeous park. We spent time with many other families who had adopted children from The Philippines. Once again, I found my heart feeling that tug to go back for "just one more". I don't know if Anthony felt any "tug" except the "tug" on the wallet in his back pocket (ha ha). The new blog photos were taken at the picnic.
Well, I'm off to head to a neighboring town to bring home a treadmill we found on craigslist yesterday! If we are ever to adopt from The Philippines again, I must keep in mind their "body mass index" requirement and get my body to have a little less "mass" - ha ha!

Digging Deeper

Just when I thought I was living as "big" as I could for my Savior, God asks more of me. Just when I was starting to get a little prideful about how "pro life" and "over the top" I've gone in my life, He raises the bar and I fall pitifully short of complete surrender. Notice that photo to the right of this post. It's our adopted son, Lemuel, and his biological brother, Ariel? God has clearly, although not audibly, let me know that THIS young man needs us to serve him in a radical way. He is in a shelter for street kids in The Philippines. He is cognitively delayed. He can neither read nor write. He is nineteen years old and his future is uncertain at best. I don't know to what God is calling me but I have been given little rest from the thoughts plaguing me regarding Ariel. For several years, we have prayed for him, sent packages and occasional donations to the agency caring for him and we even helped him apply for a tourist visa to visit us here in the US. The visa was denied based on the fact that he has no ties to The Philippines and is not likely to return after the visit. Now, God has lain on my heart that all-too-familiar feeling that He is calling us to dig deeper for Ariel's sake. For Jesus' sake, for His fame. I am scared. I have a beautiful daughter, young children. Our house is small and our budget is tight. What does my Savior want from me in this situation? Are we to bring Ariel HERE? Is it even possible? Are we to pay his way through life in the Philippines so we know he always has a roof over his head? As I pray through these weighty questions, Proverbs 3:27 stays at the forefront of my thoughts . . ."do not withhold any good thing from those who deserve it when it is in your power to help them."

I'm Ba aaaack!!!

After a couple of emails from dear friends and a blog reader or two asking me where in the world I have run away to, I decided to get back on track and post! Surprisingly, my absence from the "blog world" has little to do with Ezekiel (he is a fantastic, adaptable little guy who goes with the flow) and more to do with my life as a homeschooling mother. This is the point in every school year that I look upon with fear and trepidation. THIS is the it's-not-yet-summer-break-but-I-wish-it-were time of year.I haven't even ordered my end-of-year tests for the kids yet. My older children have some large projects due in their co-op classes, two of these projects are "power point" in nature so I am of no measurable help to my children and, to top it off, my precious oldest son is in Christian Youth Theaters' production of Les Mis right now. His piano recital is just two short weeks away and none of his "nice pants" fit anymore . . sigh . . . Add in my 12 year old public school kiddo tracking out on Monday, an active two year old and a first grader who gets up each morning asking "can we do a LOT of schoolwork today, please?" and you have a recipe for the "Calgon, take me away" commercial. Remember that?
THIS is the time in each school year where I pledge to myself that I'll be more prepared next year. THIS is the time of year that I like to imagine my whole family
in a fully-packed car, dogs in the kennel and us headed off on a beach trip paid for courtesy a loving relative who sensed my stress and sent us a vacation!
Seriously, though. THIS is the time of year that I need to cling to the scripture "be still and know that I am God" with all my heart. Just as He does every year, God will lead us through this busy time. THIS is the year I am praying not just to survive but to prosper so I can look back and say "great is Thy faithfulness" as we pull out of the driveway and head for the beach!

Honeymoon

Well, Zkel has been home about three weeks now and we are either on an extended "honeymoon" or he is really the best little 2 year old I've ever met! What a sweet spirit! He is happy almost all the time. He only whines when he is excessively tired and laying him down in his crib actually makes him HAPPY when he's very tired! He has been sleeping all night for about 5 nights now (I do hear an occasional bit of chatter from his crib but it only lasts literally 60 seconds before he's asleep again) and what a crowd pleaser! Everywhere we go, he is complimented by total strangers for simply being cute - a feat he accomplishes with no effort whatsoever! I have heard others talk about children with Down Syndrome as "angels". While that doesn't exactly line up with my theology, I can clearly see why this title is applied to these particular children. My husband purchased a t-shirt online months ago that says "every family deserves the blessing of a child with Down Syndrome". When he wore it for the first time, Zkel wasn't home with us yet and I honestly felt it was a bit of an overstatement. I stand corrected. Any family raising one of these precious babies should consider themselves very blessed! I know I do!

Good News

Ezekiel will NOT need repair surgery for his PDA (heart hole) anytime in the near future! He was also taken off the medication he had been on since before coming home to us. I am so thankful for prayers being answered!! Thank you to all who prayed!!
I can not say enough wonderful things about Dr. Kanter at Duke Pediatric Cardiology!
He is a caring doctor who took so much extra time explaining to us exactly what a PDA is, how it works and why Ezekiel's is no big deal! Thank you, Jesus!

Never The Same

Ezekiel (or Z-kel and we call him) has been home for just under two weeks. I still can not believe he's here sometimes. All the prayers, tears, joys and hope have come to fruition in this one little man! We all love him immensely! We sit around as a family and just laugh at his dancing. We cringe when he pulls two great handfuls of fur from the dogs' back and sigh with relief when she just lets him do it! (the dogs have learned to exit the room when he comes in - ha ha). We all crowd into our small hall bathroom to watch him splash in his bath and put his face under and blow bubbles in the water. He has brought joy to us that I wasn't even aware we needed!
Today we head to the Duke University Pediatric Cardiology unit for his first heart consultation. I have begged the Lord to close that tiny hole in his heart and heal him fully but I know God does as He pleases. His ways are NOT my ways and if He has chosen not to heal, we will treat medically. I have always said that I am not one bit afraid of the Down Syndrome in my son but I am petrified of the heart condition that came with it. If you happen to be reading this today, a prayer for my baby's heart would be a gift.